Beat as One
by Kaitsa
Summary: Sequel to "Let it Be" and "Fearless" about the lives of Jake and Nessie... Rated M for lemons.
1. Prologue Nessie POV

**AN: I don't own…**

_This is the sequel to 'Let it Be' and 'Fearless'. Please read those first._

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**Prologue NPOV**

**January 2034**

My name is Nessie Black, I am 28 years old.

Although I still look twenty: my vampire genes are retaining my youth.

My life at this point is as ordinary and humanly as possible, being a half-breed with a vampire family and a werewolf husband, and I am as happy as humanly possible. My life has changed a lot, since we got together, me and Jake. My feelings however, never changed a bit. I am still absolutely crazy about him. Totally madly in love.

We got married two years ago. We didn't make a big deal of it, we drove to Vegas, just the two of us. Expecting no one to be there, as it had been a rush decision. The wedding Alice wanted to plan for me freaked me out big time, but I longed to be Mrs. Black badly, so once we had decided, we had to take off right away. When we entered the chapel, they were all there nonetheless. Alice had made me a dress, months in advance, telling me that the moment I started longing for it was as good as a decision, since Jake can't deny me anything. She let us have the small wedding, and in the end I was glad they were all there.

The biggest change was moving back to Forks. The Cullens moved back into their former house, the house where I grew up in. I quit my job in Seattle and me and Jake built a house in the middle of nowhere. Right in between Forks and LaPush. Both our families live at five minutes from our place, and our house and garden are big enough to contain them all. Since we can't have kids, we invite people over all the time. I still can't be alone.

Being a Cullen, I don't have to work for money, but we wanted to. It's a part of the human life we chose. I am now a teacher in Forks High, English of course. Despite my natural reservation with people I don't know, I can get entirely caught up in my subject and I come across as a passionate and enthusiastic teacher. The other teachers, most of which remembered me as a student, have welcomed me warmly. The students treat me fair as well, especially the boys appreciate my youthful look. I get teased a lot by my family for that, but I'll get back at them someday, when I get to be their teacher. We'll see who's laughing then.

Now I grew boring and lost my wild teenager behavior, I get along even better with most of them. Jasper helps me preparing my lessons, being a teacher is like a lifelong dream of his. He is a born mentor and has taught me all I know about literature and poetry, but since he has to skip every sunny day, he can never pursue that dream. So I let him help me, and let him read and review the student's assignments. Things between me and him have never been heated up again, thank god. Since me and Jake got together, I no longer carry interest in sexy males, my wolf keeps me satisfied just fine.

My relations with other vampires have improved as well. Especially Carlisle. I no longer see him as my grandfather, technically he is five years younger than I am, how crazy is that? But I still see him as our leader, just like the rest of us. We trust on his choices and his opinion, and I look up to him more and more.

As boring as my life has gotten, as exciting Tina's is. She teases me as well, how I have become a missy house wife, cuddling in the couch in front of the TV, ironing my husbands shirts and preparing his favorite food whenever he had a rough day. She is right of course, this is not the plan we had made during college. But the thing is, I absolutely love it. Even the ironing.

Tina on the other hand… well, she's never been dull, but these last five years have been a giant rollercoaster for her. She's had this on and off relationship with Emmett and Rose, driving them completely crazy, in a good _and_ a bad way. In the beginning, she couldn't get enough of them, and they couldn't get enough of her. But then they came too close. They wanted to go live somewhere, just the three of them. Like a family. Tina got cold feet. No pun intended.

So she hurt them. She slept with human boys and girls. Not because they were any good, what human can compete with a vampire or two, she says. But because she wanted to prove a point. She was nobody's property.

She didn't mean to hurt them, she loved them more than she ever loved anybody, including me, but she always did.

She had warned them though, that she's not the settling kind of girl. They broke up with storm and lightning, only to be miserable for weeks without each other. And then they got together again. With storm and lightning as well. And after that the whole thing started over. Crazy in love stage. Cold feet stage. Broken heart stage. And make up again.

Carlisle refused to change her, as long as she can't make up her mind, for real. I knew her mind had never changed about the vampire thing. It hadn't changed about Emmett and Rose either, she always kept loving them, they just couldn't find some compromise in their way of living. She needed more freedom, they needed more security.

Some of the vampires think she will drive them too far, until some day they will have had enough. Edward believes this for instance. He hears some disturbing thoughts sometimes, coming from all three of them. Jasper however thinks otherwise. He feels the same amount of love, in threefold, no matter which stage of the rollercoaster they are in, and no matter how much other feelings are present. He believed, and so did Emmett and Rose, that Tina would be more certain and reliable as a vampire. Less impulsive. Vampires mate for life, and their feelings hardly ever change.

That is why, about one year ago, the three of them moved to the Denali coven in Alaska, where Carlisle finally changed her.

I haven't seen her since. I'm not allowed to. Not yet anyway.

She is one blood thirsty vampire. I never expected her to be otherwise. They had a hard time taming her newfound spirit. Sexually as well.

We talk almost every day, either over the phone or through email. Her bloodlust is subsiding and she is becoming quite the animal hunter, Emmett had told me proudly. Her massive sex drive is subsiding a little as well, leaving a little room for thoughts again. For cold feet as well I am afraid.

I hope she gets back by the time the bomb explodes, because when it does, she will need me.

And I hope to finally be able to see her, when she moves back. I miss her like crazy. She's the life of the party sometimes.

And of course I miss Rose and Emmett as well, although they visit Forks sometimes, to rest I suspect.

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**AN: So Nessie a human married teacher and Tina a fierce vampire... What do you think?**


	2. Prologue Jake POV

**Prologue JPOV**

**January 2034**

My name is Jacob Black, I look 30 years old.

My life however contains 42 years.

Of which 24 are dedicated to Nessie Cullen, or should I say Nessie Black.

Yeah, I caved, we went to Vegas and got married two years ago. She really wanted to, and I really can't deny her anything. I don't mind actually, calling her my wife.

Mine. For as long as we both shall live.

Which is not eternity. But we still have many many years ahead of us. I hope.

What else happened these past five years?

We were in love, that's the main part. We were so caught up in each other, that time flew by with sickening speed.

Luckily our close friends understood. They watched our misery the year that proceeded our reunion and are nothing but happy for us.

Apart from getting married, some other things changed as well.

We both quit our jobs in Seattle and moved back to Forks, I left the garage to Leah and Damian. They wanted to pay me, but since I am now part of the Cullen family, money is not an issue anymore.

I am glad to be closer to home again, I still consider LaPush my home. Us natives tend to be pulled to our tribe, and it's stronger for me, since I have the leadership gene and I have been the alpha for a while.

Now, I don't phase anymore, although I've been asked to. Since the Cullens moved back to Forks, I joined the elderly of LaPush, to make sure they all still respect the treaty as I had enforced it, without border lines.

That is necessary, because since the vampires returned, the wolf gene has been activated in some boys. Four now. They are called William's gang, and they act out like a gang as well. William is Sam's son, eighteen and completely full of himself. He is the alpha over three younger boys: Ethan, Andrew and Noah. And I think he likes his power a little too much.

At first he was just cheeky, all us wolves were like that in the beginning. But we had Sam to keep us down. We sometimes thought that he used his commands too much on us, but now I see that it was really all in our best interest.

William is not keeping his wolves down though. They are just firing each other on, and the tribe is growing worried. That is why they asked me to phase again. I would automatically become the alpha, and I could try to control them. But me and Ness have decided to grow old together, so I can't do that.

I try to influence them one by one, as a human, but it's really just William that I need to get to, and of course it's just William that I can't get to. I don't think he is completely over his crush he had on my Nessie, because he carries a massive disgust towards me. Sam says that it is just an act, because he is afraid that I will phase and take his precious power away, but Sam is deeply worried nevertheless.

William is convinced that new times ask for new ways, enforcing his opinion and his rules. And he doesn't like the Cullens very much. And his intolerance is wearing off on the other wolves and even on some human boys as well.

Maybe I should let Ness talk to him, maybe she has a better influence on them, but I am reluctant to do that, because young wolves like that tend to be dangerous, and she is after all just human.

We thought about moving away again, but that wouldn't really matter, because they can choose to keep phasing, just as much as they can choose to stop.

The wolves are the reason why Leah didn't move back to LaPush with us. She actually wanted Dean to grow up near the tribe, but she doesn't know if he carries the gene and she is afraid that he one day will become a wolf and doesn't want that for him. She is still friends with Eve and Alec and of course she sees Seth and Damian daily. They hired a new car mechanic, to replace me in my garage, and apparently he replaced me in her bed as well.

I'm not jealous, I never expected Leah to be a single mom without sex for the rest of her life. She is way too wild for that, it would be a terrible loss for mankind.

I asked her if she could see herself trying not to be single one day, with him perhaps, but she said that she won't, not as long as Dean still lives with her. She doesn't want to mess him up with different dads. And apparently Jack, the mechanic, still 'likes' other women as well, a lot.

I visit them regularly, whenever I am in Seattle to buy supplies for my new garage. I visit Eve and Alec as well, with their baby boy Ryan, who just turned one. The pregnancy has been turbulent, she was so scared and took it out on Alec, but the baby couldn't be healthier and they couldn't be happier now.

I enjoy work now more than I ever did. Me and Edward started a new garage, specialized in fast cars of course, and we ship our cars across the world. It's amazing what a Cullen investment can do. Rosalie en Emmett will join us as soon as they are back. They have been a part of it since the start and mainly contribute over the internet now, choosing which models to import and how to improve them. But naturally they want to get their hands on the cars themselves.

Ironically, now I am actually sleeping with his daughter I get along better with Edward, than when I only wanted to. I considered him a friend while she was growing up as well though.

I even find myself becoming friends with Jasper, now we are no longer rivaling to be Nessie's favorite, we both know who won that one. I shouldn't be this smug about it. I had left her, and he took care of her, so I think if it weren't for Alice I would've never gotten a second chance.

But that's the way things worked out, and I'm glad they did.

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**AN: What do you think about their lives? And should he send Nessie to talk to William?**


	3. Chapter 1 Distraction

_AN: Thank you for your nice reviews! I have some things to say first._

_I have written this fic in December and it's finished. So although your suggestions are really nice and some present brilliant ideas, I can't use them anymore in this story.  
I see that the idea of immortal Jake and Nessie is highly popular. You'll just have to wait and see if that was my opinion as well back then ;)_

_Nevertheless, don't stop sharing your thoughts and ideas, because it's really a lot of fun for me to see if you guys are able to predict what will happen later on!  
And you know I reply to every single review!_

_As soon as the site allows me to I'll upload a picture of William :)_

_PS: Dean is an adopted native American boy, the chances for him to be wolf are very small, but Leah hated being a wolf and she's very careful..._

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**Chapter one: Distraction**

**NPOV**

**January 18, Wednesday**

Wednesday is Jasper day.

I don't have classes that day of the week, and Jake works at the garage so I would be home alone all day, if it weren't for Jazz. We spend the entire day correcting essays and discussing literature, or sometimes we just keep each other company and read. There is a big advantage in being a vampire, having so much time to be able to read all you want to read. I will never manage enough time to do that. But Jasper shares his knowledge, and points out the books that I should definitely read.

Even though everybody else thinks we are boring as hell, we have the best of times. We think alike and can get caught up in useless discussions forgetting everything else. And I like his humor as well.

Me and Jasper were sitting at the dinner table, each with a stack of essays to correct. Since our opinions on the student's skills mostly overlap, I trust in his rating and value his help.

Today my mind is not really into work though. My thoughts keep flooding back to yesterday. Finally the Cullens have decided to let Tina come home again. She is in control of her bloodlust. Has been for a while now, but with her impulsive nature they didn't want to take risks.

I can hardly describe how much I missed that girl. And I can hardly believe that I have ever been happy before I knew her. Of course I'm happy now as well, how can I not be with such an amazing boyfriend. Husband I mean. But it would all be complete again if Tina, Emm and Rose would be back home.

I found myself dreaming about the fun stuff we could do together, like visiting new art galleries that have been opened in Seattle, and watching new chick flicks that have been released this year and that we promised not to watch until we were together again.

Jasper looked up from his stack of essays to see me staring out of the window. He put down his pen and said "I know who's on your mind."

"Yeah?"

"You have this affectionate protective feeling that you only feel for her."

I smiled at him, and I started to gather up the papers in front of me. My corrections were worthless anyway.

"I really miss her, Jazz. I wonder what she will look like."

"You saw the pictures Emm and Rose took."

"I know. But vampires look much better in real life."

"Thanks." He grinned "But Nessie… you know you still won't get to see her, right? Not right away, at least."

"But she's got everything under control. Sure she would tell me if she didn't. She wouldn't risk my life."

"Small steps, Nessie." He looked at me compassionately, while pulling the stack of essays that I discarded in front of him.

Carlisle decided, with the other's agreement, that she would learn to get used to human smells with small steps. The first step is just being in Forks, where humans live. We would familiarize her with our smells, mine and Jake's, using our clothes.

I was only allowed to see her if she was able to resist the smell of my blood, collected in a cup. I think this testing procedure is a bit cruel, but I see where they are coming from. She has to be able to resist me if I should cut myself as well. So she must get used to the smell of blood in the air.

"It's all going so slow. It's been a year. Bella never had to stay away from humans." I whined.

"Bella was lucky. She's an exception. Besides, you heard the stories about Tina… Aren't you frightened about seeing her?"

"No. She won't hurt me. She loves me."

"She loves Emm and Rose as well."

"The incident was shortly after she changed. And our relationship is somewhat different than theirs."

"True. I think all relationships are different than theirs. They're quite unique." He shook his head a bit.

"You'll soon be entertained again," I chuckled.

"You can say that, yes." I smiled at him, feeling a little sorry that he always has to suffer their rollercoaster.

"I'm sorry to tell you Jazz, but I don't think her turning vampire has helped any with the fluctuating human feelings."

"How can you tell?"

"I don't know really. I just have this feeling that soon it will all burst again."

"_Again_?"

"Hmmm." I nodded, thoughtfully.

"I'll tell Esme to remove all rare and breakable objects then."

"That's probably for the best yes. Is she still immune to Alice?"

"I don't think it's really an immunity, because sometimes Tina does show up in the visions, but mostly she just follows impulses and doesn't plan ahead. And of course, Alice can only look so far, if it's someone else's future."

"Right. So if I should meet Tina, consulting Alice would not help me?"

"So you admit now that your are a little scared."

"Well. You've got a point. She loves Emm and Rose very much and she still bit them."

"I don't really believe she will bite you as well, just… be careful. Let her get used to your smell, with small steps. And don't rush it, you've missed each other for a year now, sure one extra month can't harm you that much."

"I just want to be there for her, if it should burst. She'll need me then."

"You can be there without physically being there."

"I guess."

To be honest, missing her did harm me. And he knew it.

He looked at me with a pained expression and then stood up to pull me in a hug. Once, a hug from Jasper would speed up my heart. Not anymore. Thank goodness. He is my best friend, apart from Jake of course, and he always knows what to say or what to do, to ease my mind. I even suspect him coming over on Wednesdays for the sole reason of not letting me spend a day alone, knowing how I hate that.

"You have to promise me something, Jazz."

"What's that?" He released me, sensing that the pain has ebbed away a bit, to make room for new worries. He sat down again.

"That you'll take care of her. No matter how much she will torture you with her feelings. You'll understand her better than the others."

"With my past as a killer you mean," he said softly.

"With your empathy I mean. But with your past as well, yeah. I don't believe she is okay with the mistakes she made in Alaska. And then returning to live with all these perfect vampires… It will affect her. She'll never show, but you and I know she gets insecure sometimes. That's why I need you to keep an eye on her."

"Nobody's perfect Nessie. Especially not vampires. The ones that haven't killed humans, have craved to do so, and suffer for that as well. But I, being the least perfect of them all, will understand best. You are right about that. And I'll take care of her. You know that. I promise."

"You're not the least perfect of them all."

"Who is then?" he looked at me, daring me to single out one of the Cullens.

"I don't know. But it's not you. You're pretty much perfect."

He smiled shyly. Never a hero with compliments, but I never refrain on letting my friends know how much they mean to me.

I don't take anything for granted anymore, and let everybody know how much I love them.

Even if it makes them shy.

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**AN: Tina's coming home! Let the rollercoaster begin!  
What do you think about the friendship with Jasper and Nessie?**


	4. Chapter 2 Superwolf

**Chapter two: Superwolf**

**JPOV**

**January 23, Monday**

I was visiting my sister when a couple of girls rang the doorbell. There had been some trouble at First Beach. My sister lives nearby and they had spotted my car, so called on me for help.

Apparently William's gang was scaring away some tourists that were just taking a walk. Calling them white trash and threatening them to stay away from 'our' land. This tribe pride thing was getting out of hand.

When I got to the beach, wearing a stuffed coat against the cold, I spotted the four of them, wearing only shorts, near a fire. The beach around it was scattered with empty beer cans.

I watched them from a distance, their macho behavior. I noticed their muscular build as well. I wonder if we, back in our days, looked like a bunch of teenagers on steroids as well.

I used to be this muscular, I remember. Having stopped phasing for about ten years, with one small interruption, reduced my chest volume considerably. I'm still in good shape, working in the garage, but Nessie's cooking made my body less toned. I've gathered a little baby fat on my abs.

She says she doesn't mind, she would still love me if I weighed 300 pounds, but let's hope it never gets to that.

She also said she finds me more handsome now, she likes my more matured look. So I don't miss the wolf physique.

Then why am I intimidated by these four over muscular kids? Don't be ridiculous.

I stepped up to them, knowing that all my attempts would be in vain.

"Hey guys" I greeted, as if I was casually strolling by.

"Look who's here," William sneered. He stood upright, broadening his chest, and stepped over to me. Clearly stating that he was in charge.

"If it isn't the _elderly_ mister Black." He put the emphasis on elderly, and spat his words out with disdain. I could hardly recognize the sweet kid he had once been.

"Good day to you, William. Having some fun here?"

"Sure thing. Walk along. We wouldn't want you to get cold, now do we?"

He looked back at his buddies who all smirked watching my winter coat.

"I heard that some of the tourists were making trouble?" I tried to pretend I was on their side. Didn't think it would work though.

"There's plenty of beaches, no reason for them to come up here to pollute our air." He looked at me pointedly, daring me to disagree.

"Look William, the beach is not our property, everybody is free to go as they please."

"They are free alright, but not welcome. We just let them pale faces know that, that's all. No harm done. They only shit their pants a bit." The three other boys chuckled, and William smiled smugly.

"Pale faces? I clearly recall you liking one of the pale faces once. Asking her on a date, even."

The boys started laughing and punching William childishly "Who was it?" "I bet it was Nicole." "How about Jessica?" "Not that bimbo."

William slowly turned around and growled at them.

They were instantly silent. No messing with the alpha wolf. Not in front of me at least.

He turned back to me and glared "That was a _long_ time ago. And I would appreciate if you didn't bring that up again."

"So if she would come here, say to the bonfire on Saturday, then you would tell her to take her pale face elsewhere?"

He eyed me curiously. Definitely still interested in Ness. But his surprised look quickly vanished and he put his arrogant face back on.

"You wouldn't bring your little princess here. She might actually get to see what real men look like."

At this they all laughed out loud. My patience was staggering. I breathed in deeply to regain my calm.

"I'm sure _my_ Ness can handle the sight of you kids."

"Bring her on then. See if we can still find some liking of pale faces."

He was daring me. I didn't want to go for it. This one is _way_ too self assured. But I did believe that Ness would not be affected, right?

And I also saw clearly that I would not get through to him.

"I'll bring her. I'm sure she wants to see you again as well, she spoke highly of you, back then. But you make sure to treat her with some respect."

I hoped that he would remember the boy he once had been, the boy that she liked very much. And that he would try to be nice again, to impress her. Not this teenage prick.

"Oh don't worry. We'll treat her _very_ right." The look on his face told me what sort of right he was thinking about.

He made me sick. If I had to listen to him much longer, things might get ugly.

So I turned around and walked back to Rachel's house.

The two girls that rang the door were still there, awaiting my story. But I had nothing spectacular to tell. I had tried to speak some senses in their minds, but failed.

When they left, Rachel laughed out loud as soon as they were out of sight.

"Did you see their faces? They look at you as if you're some kind of hero."

"They did not, they just wanted to know what happened on the beach. Something to gossip about."

"Geez, men can be so oblivious sometimes. They were totally at your feet."

"Rach, get real. They were like five."

"Make that sixteen. LaPush high school kids nowadays repeat the legends of a fight that once, some twenty five years ago, killed millions of vampires. And you are like this superwolf that killed most of them. Funny, my baby brother, _superwolf_," she said mockingly.

I laughed out loud. I sure wasn't superwolf for _some_ high school kids, but then again, maybe it were these foolish stories that made William be intimidated by me, and act out like that. Nobody believed those stories, vampires don't exist after all.

But if I was an alpha who had gained the worship of these girls, then he didn't want to do any less. Even though being an wolf only means protecting your tribe and your pack, not picking fights.

"Sixteen, huh?" I shook my head in disbelief and smiled.

"And pretty as well."

"Really?"

"Sure you wouldn't notice. Only one girl in your world."

"That's for sure." I kissed my sister goodbye and made for my car to drive home, to that girl.

Once I got inside, the smell of baked potatoes made me smile. She spoiled me.

I hung up my coat and went to the kitchen. There I rested against the door post, watching her as she was cooking while humming a song I didn't recognize. She had heard me and turned around to enlighten me with a beautiful smile.

I crossed the distance, pulled her against me and planted a kiss on the top of her head. Sometimes I still can't believe she's mine.

I placed my hands on her face and kissed her. Softly. But deeply.

She chuckled and let go, telling me that I am distracting her and she'll ruin my meal. If I can hold her close, I don't care about food, but with a little patience I can have both. So I started taking the plates out and told her about the incident this afternoon.

As soon as everything was on the table, I couldn't help myself but getting closer to her again. She pulled me. Without even trying.

I stood behind her, and wrapped my arms around her stomach, nuzzling her neck. She smiled and let her head rest against my shoulder. We continued talking while she was stirring the pan and I held her.

"Want me to come to LaPush to talk to him?"

"I don't know if it will help. He's not the same anymore."

"Sure he is. Somewhere inside. I believe Sam if he says it's just an act. To get on your nerves."

"He might pull an act on you as well. To get a different result though."

She laughed out loud. "I'm sure I can resist the kid. I always have."

"He's a wolf now Ness. Not a kid anymore."

"And you remember how I like wolves right? I've only ever wanted one, remember that as well?"

"Yeah." I kissed her neck and she tilted her head to give me more access.

I hope she'll never get sick of me being over affectionate. I really can't help it.

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**AN: Sweet Jake versus cheeky William. Who votes for a fight and who votes for Nessie's approach?**


	5. Chapter 3 Bonfire

**Chapter three: Bonfire**

**NPOV**

**January 28, Saturday**

She's back. And I still can't see her.

This makes me miss her even more than when she was in Alaska. Being in the same town as her, and only being able to talk to each other over the phone.

Calls are less expensive now, so we call for hours, and tell each other the stories that we usually had to mail.

She told me she could smell me in the house, not just my blood, but really me. She never really smelled me before, as a human, but she recognized me right away.

I couldn't visit the Cullens randomly anymore, but Friday Movie night we would keep. She and Rose and Emmett would go away that night, and then when they get back on Saturday, Edward and Jasper would monitor how she reacts to the refreshed smell.

Today, she had done great. The only thing they could register was her missing me terribly, no bloodlust. I was hopeful it wouldn't last long till we could meet again.

She was thrilled to see the other vampires again, although they have visited her sometimes in Alaska as well. It was a good distraction from the anxiousness that was creeping up on her again.

She needed me. She said that she sometimes feels like Rose and Emmett just brought their pet home, and it needs to be potty trained first before letting it out. And how she understands that everybody else is waiting for her to mess up, but that she can't stand the lack of faith from her lovers, or owners, as she once said as well. I know she loves them to pieces, but sometimes she wants to rip them to pieces. They are too protective, too possessive, love her too much perhaps.

For now, I was the only one aware of her annoyance. Apart from Edward and Jasper of course, but they kept their silence.

Emmett and Rose feel that she is pulling away again though, and try to prevent it, suffocating her even more. It's always the same history repeating, and none of them learn from their mistakes.

I'll give them a couple more weeks, maybe a month, now the Cullens make for some distraction.

Tonight I would join Jake at the bonfire. I've been in LaPush many times before, since we moved back, mostly visiting old friends at their homes. I haven't met the new pack though, that would happen tonight.

Jake is a little worried, as if those kids would hurt me in front the entire tribe. Well, maybe not the entire tribe, but plenty of people anyway. But he says never to trust a young wolf. They tend to get out of control, and phase on the spot whenever annoyed just enough.

I didn't plan on annoying them, I wasn't worried.

Once at the bonfire, we forgot about the new wolves, as the former pack was reunited again. Old stories were retold, mostly the funny ones. They all teased Jake with the attention he got from the younger tribe girls. He joked back, winking, that he would read them a bedtime story, about Superwolf.

When I raised my eyebrows, amused, he added quickly "…about how he met this Supergirl." We all laughed. My Jake, the ladies man. But if ever a lady should flash him a smile, he gets too shy to make up a decent response. Adorable.

We both had a great time. The atmosphere was relaxed.

That is until the younger ones were getting affected by the amount of alcohol they had consumed. It's harder for wolves to become drunk, but tonight these four boys were trying their hardest.

They had removed their shirts, although it was freezing, letting everybody know just how tough they are.

I didn't recognize William. I used to know him, but that was a long time ago. I couldn't tell by their behavior which one was the dominant one. They were just fooling around, macho style. Not really bugging anyone.

All were good looking though. I had experience with wolves, so I don't know why I still expected them to look like sixteen year olds. I should've known better.

There was one very good looking boy, man actually. He was not really participating in the bantering, so I thought he would be more a submissive one.

Once he noticed my stare, he looked back straight at me, a small smile playing his lips. As if he knew why I had been looking.

I quickly turned my head again, engaging in the conversation once more. But from time to time my eyes would drift back. And every time his eyes found mine in an instant.

It made me nervous. Not just the fact that he was looking, but the way he was looking. His gaze told me he _knew_ he made me nervous.

When Sam called Jake over to discuss some concerns the elderly had about Tina, I remained by the fire, not wanting to leave the heat.

The mystery boy was with me immediately. Sat next to me on the bench, too close.

Now I no longer cared that he was handsome, I was creeped out a little.

I looked back to see if Jake was well within distance. He had his eyes on me, which relaxed me a bit. He wouldn't leave me out of his sight, not with the wolves near. He did look a bit worried, but that might also be because of something Sam was saying.

"Hey Nessie, what's the matter? Don't remember me?" the boy spoke softly, with a husky voice. I could feel the heat radiating of his half naked body.

"William? Is that you?"

He smiled at me smugly, pleased that I thought he changed so much.

So he's not that dominant, if he was just watching the other wolves tonight. Maybe Jake was exaggerating. Maybe he just brought that up in him, somehow provoking him.

"How about that date you promised me if I would grow up. I'm all grown now, care to find out what a wolf that is _not_ retired can do for you?"

I was totally surprised at his directness. Okay, so maybe Jake was _not_ exaggerating.

"I… um… I don't remember promising you a date, William." Great. Stutter in front of the kid.

"Well I do." He looked me straight in the eyes. "I would never forget a promise from a beautiful lady such as yourself." He grinned just a little bit.

And I blushed. Dammit.

I'm a god damn teacher. Teachers don't blush at the silly remarks of kids. I tried to regain my composure.

"Well then I'm afraid I changed my mind, William. Teachers are not supposed to date kids." I tried to smile back, smugly as well.

He didn't falter. "You're not _my_ teacher, and I'm eighteen, so no worries, whatever you had planned to do with me is legal."

I gasped, taken aback by his self righteousness. And he chuckled at my reaction.

I'm no prude, I lived with vampires and I have a wolf of my own, but this one has got some nerve. I had to give him that.

Maybe if I wasn't so surprised it might actually be funny. Perhaps I should have laughed out loud, that would put him in his place. It's too late for that now.

I was fidgeting, looking back at Jake, trying to call him over with my eyes.

"I bet you're not allowed to. Your midlife crisis husband won't let you go out of his sight." He eyed Jake and gave him a big fat wink.

Jake grew impatient. I could tell.

This boy was getting to me, made me feel like a little girl again, the pale redhead standing alone on the high school playground, without friends. How did Jake expect me to have an influence on him?

He definitely liked me, I would have to use that. If I could put some sense in his head again, the tribe would be better off.

And the Cullens would as well. Because some of the things Jake told me about this gang, had sounded really disturbed.

I could do this. Use my charms. I turned slightly on the bench, facing William and giving him a confident smile. A teacher should always have the confident mask within reach.

"You know what? I'm allowed to go wherever I please. People who love each other don't dominate each other. And I would like to go on a date with you. Are you sure you will be able to entertain a rich and intelligent lady as myself? Because the macho show is not really entertaining me, William."

His mask disappeared for an instant. He hadn't expected me to give in, that was obvious. His jaw dropped.

But the attitude was back soon enough.

"Whatever you say, babe. You were entertained enough ogling me by the fire just now."

"Ogling!"

I breathed in to stay calm. I could relate to what Jake had told me about the unnerving nature of this boy.

"Don't get any ideas in you overheated head, boy. One date. Dinner. Next Saturday. Pick me up at seven."

At this I stood up and turned around. I tried to walk my confident walk, straight towards Jake, who looked relieved. Not looking back. I didn't want to give him the chance to have the last word. Or look.

And I promised myself that if he would act the same way next Saturday, any talking would be in vain and I would leave right away.

Today I blamed his behavior on the booze. He would get one more chance.

Once me and Jake were driving back home, I repeated the conversation. I saw him gripping the wheel in anger at the nerve of William. But I tried to soothe him, by saying how it was actually funny.

I leaned over to him, my head on his shoulder and my hand on his knee, he relaxed again.

"I can't believe how much he's changed, though. He used to be such a sweet kid. It's really a shame," I said.

"It's the wolves gene. He can't help it." He looked like he was reluctant to admit this.

"Well, you're a wolf and you're sweet."

"I was an old wolf when you got to know me, honey."

"Yuk." I teased him, and he pushed his elbow softly in my stomach, chuckling.

"We had Sam keeping us in check that first year, and still, I behaved like that sometimes too. With Bella."

"You offered her your _services_ as well then?"

"I actually believe I did yeah. Since being with Edward was too dangerous for her."

"Jeez, that's really childish."

"I was only sixteen, I was allowed to be."

"Good thing she never agreed, _that_ would've been yucky."

"She wanted to." He said, as if that would impress me.

"I think their arrogance is rubbing off on you."

"I'm just kidding. What wolf can compare to a vampire."

"You compare just fine to me."

"Oh right, I forgot…"

"You're really cute when you're insecure." I kissed him on his cheek.

"I'm not insecure, I'm the man. Superwolf! Once you go Black, you never go back!"

"Tell me you didn't just say that."

"Wanna deny?" He smiled his sunshine smile at me, and my heart sped up again.

"No." I answered, smiling back.

* * *

**AN: I'm sorry, no violence (yet) :)  
A date it is! How do you think that will go?**


	6. Chapter 4 Claim

**Chapter four: Claim**

**JPOV**

**February 1, Wednesday**

Me and Jasper never were the best of friends, never were and never will be. Especially not since I know he slept with my Nessie. Even though that was before we were together, in a time where I still slept with Eve. And Leah. But he's her best friend. So I try to like him. And I grant them private time together as well.

At first that required a lot of me. Trusting her like that, knowing that she had wanted him for more than five years. But I learned to have faith in her. And the vampires reassured me as well, that this thing was in the past now.

Edward's affirmation meant a little less, because Jasper knows how to cloud his mind very well, but Alice is foolproof. Never bet against Alice. And she says we needn't worry. They got over their crush. So I let them be.

Wednesday is Jasper day for her. I run my own business, so I can easily choose to stay at home with her, every Wednesday, but I let her have this day with him. Because I see that he has a positive effect on her. He puts her mind at ease, even without using his gift. I never was one to talk about literature and poetry, so she gets to do that with him. And Tina, but Jasper had to make up for her missing Tina as well, last year.

Letting her spend the entire day with him and seeing her all happy when I come home in the evening does make me a little insecure though.

A feeling that I usually overcome later at night, between the bed sheets. She jokes sometimes that she felt like I wanted to reclaim her every Wednesday night. Maybe that was what it was. My possessive side that needed to make sure she was still mine.

She never complained though. I don't know if it's her vampire genes or her passionate nature, but she wants me, whenever, wherever. Insatiable sometimes. And I don't complain either.

It's almost six now. I go home on Wednesdays around seven, so one more hour. And already this possessive insecure side is stirring. Or maybe it's just the habit of claiming her every Wednesday that is making me horny right now.

I need to be careful though, Edward is still in the garage. I look up from my vehicle and see him working on his laptop in one of the glass offices. He smirks a bit and I mentally apologize, before focusing back on the car.

Good thing he loosened up on Ness a bit. She used to be wilder with Tina, so sleeping with just one wolf is an improvement. The downside is that this wolf's thoughts are around a lot.

And good thing he can't read _her_ thoughts, because that girl's mind is even dirtier than mine. Woops. Sorry. I can hear him chuckle.

Rose makes for a welcome distraction. She storms into the garage, at vampire speed and holds out her hand to me, silently asking - no commanding - me for the keys of our fastest car. Me and Rose never will be best friends either, but she has let go some of the bitchiness, since she's dating Tina. She doesn't judge so quickly anymore. Their relationship is far from perfect, and she must have realized that things that aren't perfect can be beautiful as well.

I shake my head at her. She has trashed one of my beauties in one of her emotional fits last week, complaining that her hair got messed up, while my heart broke for this brand new car. I locked away all keys after that.

"Bugatti," she ordered. No loosened up bitchiness today.

"No way, Rose."

"Please Jakey, I need it."

I started laughing out loud, puppy eyes and Rose don't go well together.

"What has she done?" Tina is the only one that can put Rose in a state like this, even begging the dog, so to speak.

"Nothing. She's just stubborn. Me and Emm are trying to find us a nice place nearby, for the three of us. We lived alone in Alaska as well, I don't see the big deal. But she doesn't want to hear about it."

"Give a girl some time, Rose. She just got back."

"Don't you start on me as well, puppy boy. Now give me those god damn keys."

"Rose, you're not taking it out on my babies again. Go fuck Emmett or something."

"I can't. He's _with_ her. She's got him wrapped around her little finger. She got into his lap and he forgot all about our house plans, just like that."

I tried not to smile. I could see how annoying this was for Rose. Vampires feelings don't change often, and they don't react well to change either. They need time to adjust, but with Tina it never seems to end.

But I couldn't help her. Or them. No one could. Tina needs to figure out Emm and Rose are what she needs, and they need to stop pushing her. But no such thing. We have given up on trying to bring this message across.

"I'll tell you what. Here's the keys to my motorcycle. It's not a Bugatti, but it will have to do. It's fast, we pimped it. Just try to get your kicks out of _not_ trashing it. Okay?"

She glared at me, but grabbed the keys and ran out again.

Instantly I could hear the gravel flying as she pulled out of the driveway, and a few seconds later we saw her taking the turn from the driveway to the street on the visitors screen. The garage lay secluded, we had a driveway with a camera, so the car loving vampires could work here on sunny days as well.

Rose had taken that turn dangerously fast. Me and Edward looked away from the screen, at each other. He pronounced my fears "Hope you are well ensured."

I sighed and continued working on the vehicle in front of me. We would need to find some different mode of distraction for Rose. As I don't expect things to get better any time soon. On the contrary, first they'll get worse, before they can get better again.

I'm thinking about giving her something challenging, letting her design a new car, from scratch, and then importing all the parts we need and letting her build it, from scratch as well. Work therapy did miracles for me, whenever needed. It might help her as well.

I looked up and saw Edward nod. "Can you help her with the computer design?"

"Yes, but we're buying her a personal laptop. She won't ruin mine."

"Sure sure."

When I got home, Ness was waiting for me in the doorway and embraced me, saying that she had missed me. I don't think she really had, but it's a sweet thing to say.

"Are you hungry or do you want to metaphorically wizz on me first?" she teased.

"Yeah, that first." I picked her up and carried her upstairs, adding "You know you shouldn't make fun of me like that." I put her down next to the bed and started unbuttoning her blouse.

"I'm sorry. I kinda like your possessive side. Want me to tell you how much fun me and Jazz had today?"

I playfully growled at her and pretended to bite her in her neck. She swatted me away and motioned for me to take care of my own clothes. Little buttons never were my thing. They tend to get lost on the floor. Instead our clothes got lost on the floor, without tearing.

I pulled her close to me again, relishing in the feel of her skin against mine. I kissed her deeply and passionately, my left arm around her waist, pressing her hips against mine, and my right hand caressing her breasts. Her nipples told me that the bedroom was cold on this winter evening, but I planned on warming her up.

She was already panting, and I hadn't even got started. I lay her on the bed, lowering myself over her, still kissing and caressing. I pulled away, and turned her around, on her stomach, and my hands roamed over her back, down her legs. When my fingers moved back up again, she opened her legs a bit. I kept stroking her back and teasing her, letting my fingers slide between her legs. She was already wet for me.

I didn't drag the teasing for long, wanting her too much. I sat on my knees behind her and lifted her hips from the mattress so she was on her knees as well. How better claim my wolfgirl than taking her doggie style? I knew she loved it, I could move inside her, hitting the right spot, making her come without further touching.

I entered her, every time surprised at how tight she feels around me, and as I push myself deeper, I hear her whimpering. She's not in pain though, she pushes her hips backwards, wanting more.

I placed my warm hands on the cooler skin of her round hips, keeping them steady while I moved inside her. Her body moved with me, as I entered her over and over again.

One of my hands was roaming her back, her skin was sweaty, but still cool. I wanted to keep her warm and pushed her down on her stomach, laying on top of her, my hips bucking against her ass. I believe this was the right angle for her, because she kept making these little cries and her hands were fisting the sheets.

I kept my pace steady, pushing myself deep inside her, until I could feel her entire body tightening.

Just a little more. And then she let go.

I will never grow tired of the sight of my Ness giving in to me completely, shivering head to toe.

I thrusted inside of her, at a faster pace now, ready for my own release.

When I came, I managed to mark her, in the back of her neck, involuntarily.

My wolf was still alive, somewhere inside. And he was all hers. And made her all mine.

* * *

**AN: This is what happens when Jake gets a little possessive ;)**


	7. Chapter 5 Dinner

**Chapter five: Dinner**

**NPOV**

**February 4, Saturday**

I was kind of apprehensive as for what to expect with William. It could go either way.

Either he was just William and we would have a nice evening catching up on what happened to the other pack kids and hopefully raising his tolerance for the Cullens. Or he would be all macho again, and I would leave.

Of course Jake was worried, but William can't harm me during dinner. I would choose a popular restaurant, just to be sure.

When he picked me up, he seemed nervous.

Good. No mask. Yet.

We drove to the restaurant in silence. These nerves were a third option I hadn't anticipated. It was sweet in a way. I know first hand what childhood crushed can do to you, they don't necessarily disappear.

We sat down at the table and ordered our food. So far so good. We chatted a little about his parents and sister. He thinks Sam is some sort of dictator. Funny. The 'old' pack used to feel the same way and now they are really grateful to Sam for being like that.

Slowly his anxiousness faded, and I would think that's a good thing, if it weren't for the looks he kept casting towards me. Looks that said _'hey baby'_.

I told myself not to get affected, true, he is drop dead gorgeous, but still is just a kid. With too much confidence.

"So… how is your Jay-cub?" He asked, and in the way he spoke his name, I could feel his dislike.

"He's fine, thank you very much. How about you? Have a girlfriend?" Someone your age maybe? I almost snorted.

"No. I don't care for little girls." And again his look made it really clear what he _did_ care for. I focused on the food.

"Then I think you are missing out on something."

"I don't think so. I'm right here, aren't I?" What exactly does he think to get out of this?

"William… don't you think this is a little ridiculous?"

"No. It's not. I know you can feel it too. I think about you when I touch myself..."

The _nerve_!

I stood up from the table, food unfinished, and took my purse to pay for it and leave, but he grabbed my wrist.

"I'm sorry! I don't know why I said that. Please stay. I think maybe… I was testing you, or something."

"I don't need to be tested, William." I answered curtly.

"I know." He looked down at his plate.

Maybe this was the right moment to talk to him. The boy William was back. I sat down again.

"The macho thing is really not working for me. I'm twenty eight. I'm not impressed. You know I used to like you."

He nodded, but didn't look up. He added softly "I want you to like me now as well. Maybe that's why I'm trying too hard."

"I think I'll like you better if you could be just yourself. Not this testosterone bomb."

"I'm sorry. I really can't help it sometimes. I'll try harder for you." He looked at me hopefully through his lashes. But I don't know what he was hoping for.

"Thank you. Now tell about your friends, and then I'll tell you about mine." We had finished our food, and were emptying our drinks.

"The pack… They're really awesome. It's nice to suddenly have three brothers, it's always been just me and my baby sister. And me and the boys have a strong connection, some sort of honor code."

"Honor code?"

"Like we got each other's back no matter what. Bro's over Ho's sort of thing. Only more applied to wolf stuff. We _have_ to trust each other, with the mind reading thing."

"I see." That sounds like a gang alright.

"Your dad is a mind reader too."

"You've done your research."

"All information is passed through by the elders," he shrugged.

"He's a mind reader yes."

William huffed.

"Look William, I get it, it's in your genes and in your blood to hate vampires. But the Cullens are different. They don't harm people. And if you must hate them, then you hate me too, I'm a Cullen as well."

"You're different, Nessie. They are dangerous. What they do is not natural. And it's them living here, that made me this way."

"It will get better, the wolf thing. The mood swings will stop, the anger and the negative feelings. And if you hate it so much, you can always quit. Stop phasing."

"No I can't. Not with a wild newborn in town."

"Tina is guarded," I answered, almost offended that my friend was considered a threat.

"So is my tribe," he answered simply, spoken like a true alpha.

"Alright. But you get something out of it too right? The advantages of being a wolf. Look at you, you filled out rather nicely."

"Yeah," he blushed furiously. I knew sweet William must still be somewhere inside.

I looked around to see if I could find a waiter to bring us the check.

"Can I see you again sometime? Maybe I'll like the Cullens even more then."

"Nice try," I smiled "I don't think that's such a good idea though." Wouldn't want you to get even more ideas in that pretty head of yours.

"If I would be one year younger, I would transfer to Forks High."

I laughed out loud. It was totally surreal that this man in front of me still had a childish crush. And he was ten years younger than me.

"I'm a bitchy teacher."

"I don't believe that. I bet you are the sweetest."

I ignored what he said, and my blushing cheeks as well. "If you aren't in high school anymore, what do you do all day?"

"Patrolling. And just hanging around mainly." If he is a wolf-tempered kid without school and without a job, then it's no wonder he's acting out. He's just bored.

"Why don't you find yourself a job? Even if it's just part time?"

"I tried, but there's no overload on jobs at the rez."

"Maybe Jake knows something for you." He knows most of the people at the rez, they all welcomed him back warmly, and want to help him out whenever they can.

"I don't need _his_ help."

"I'm not saying you need it. I'm saying you need something to do."

"Alright. You ask him and then come back to me with his answer."

That was too easy. He only saw this as an opportunity to see me again. But who cares. If the kid could find a job, and preferably something he can put his energy in, then this attitude problem could maybe solve itself.

I paid the check and let him drive me home again. Jake was in the doorway, making sure William wouldn't go for a traditional end of date. I was grateful, because I suspected that William might try something like that.

I got out of the car, promising him that I would get in touch again, and walked over to Jake, embracing him and kissing him, while the car drove away. I knew it was cruel maybe, but that boy needed a reality check.

I told Jake about how I had been able to connect to the real William and how I thought the problem was that he was bored like hell. He would look around the rez for a job, maybe if Superwolf asked, they would find an opening somewhere.

I used his nickname now whenever I teased him about his hero status at the rez nowadays. Back in his wolf years, nobody approached him as a hero. He was actually one of the shyer wolves, forced to be alpha by ancestry. I remembered how he had hesitated to accept. Sam had been alpha for like twenty years, so how did Jake end up being the one they used in their stories? He was only alpha for six months. Maybe leaving Forks made him more of a mysterious legend.

Of course the high school population knows nothing about wolves and vampires and think they are just stories, but they all know Jake really exists, and that he came home to LaPush again. And they all want to be in his grace.

And although I tease him about it, secretly I'm proud of him. In my opinion he was the best alpha ever, Sam had been great too, dealing with the young ones is no fun ride, but Jake was the one who managed to bring peace between the Cullens and the wolves.

So I agreed. He was Superwolf.

* * *

**AN: What did you think about the date?**


	8. Chapter 6 Job

**Chapter six: Job**

**JPOV**

**February 18, Saturday**

The kid needed a job. It was the perfect opportunity. That night I worked out a plan in my head, and called him the next day.

_"Hello,"_ he grumbled. Oh. Right. Sunday morning. Woops. I hoped this wasn't going to affect my plan.

"William, it's Jake."

_"What do you want?"_ he asked with a gruff voice.

"I have an offer to make you. A job."

_"I don't need your offers. Goodbye."_

"Wait. Hear me out first okay."

_"Make it short. You're wasting my precious time."_

I almost commented, but then refrained.

"How would you like to be in charge of a shop at the rez? I'm opening a gas station there."

_"The rez is too small for a gas station."_

"It would be a smaller station. Anyway, I'm not opening it to make a big profit, but because the nearest station is twenty minutes away, which is inconvenient."

_"What kind of shop?"_ He was interested. That was a start.

"Car supplies, magazines, snacks and drinks, your typical gas station shop."

_"You want me to be in charge?"_

"Yes. It would be your responsibility." I hoped his alpha nature would like a job like that, nobody bossing him around.

_"But you're the owner."_

"Yes."

_"Meaning that we have to work together?"_

"Not necessarily. I work in Forks. We would have limited contact."

_"How about no contact?"_

"Then how is your shop getting filled? And how do I pick up the income?"

_"Nessie could do that."_ This one is sly. He immediately turned a nice offer around to negotiate with me. He knows I want him to take the job. That I have a hidden agenda. Should I enclose Nessie in the offer?

"I would have to talk to her about it."

_"She won't mind. We had a very nice date yesterday."_ I could almost hear him grin. I would not let him distract me like that.

"Sure sure. So you're interested?"

_"What's the catch?"_

"No catch. I just want you to have a job and I have been thinking about that gas station for a while now. I don't know who to trust with it. Obviously I don't trust you, but I also think you care too much for your status at the rez to mess this up. So I'm offering."

_"Hmm."_

I took that as an 'I'll think about it.' It could of course mean anything out of the mouth of a sleepy wolf.

"I was also contemplating adding a small garage to it."

_"What for?"_

"For fixing cars, William, that's what garages are for." I rolled my eyes.

_"Who is going to do that?"_

"You are."

_"I don't know anything about cars."_

"You could learn. That way, even if the shop doesn't work out, you got some skills to find another job. We both know wolves don't go off to college."

_"Who would teach me?"_ He is very alert to be so sleepy. Alright, here goes nothing.

"We could."

_"As in you and your leeches?"_

"I was thinking Nessie's father could. He's a good teacher." I purposefully brought Nessie's name in the picture, to ease up his judgment on Edward.

_"I see what you're doing Jacob. And I don't like it. Your trying to get him close to me, so you get a peek in the mind of the alpha. Are you willing to risk his safety for this game of yours?"_

"Edward doesn't use his gift for spying. He's discrete. And he will be in no danger with you. With anybody really, he's a mind reader and the fastest of us all. And if you would as much as try to harm him, you'll hurt Nessie."

_"Us all…"_ he repeated with disgust. _"Meaning you and the leeches. You know you make me sick, Black. You should mean wolves if you talk about an us."_

"I meant my family. Look, if you don't want the job. No big deal. It was just an offer."

_"You're right. I don't want your job. But I'll take it anyway. Give me a chance to see her some more. And maybe even charm the dad. I can be really charming if I want to."_

"Sure sure. Just watch your thoughts, or it will all be in vain."

_"You know, you are awfully smug. Maybe one day you'll see that you made a big mistake here. Because Nessie actually really likes me. And when I give her a compliment, she blushes, even though she pretends to ignore my pushy ways. Have you noticed that? I bet you haven't. You wouldn't be so willing to involve her here. Maybe she likes an active wolf better, I'm younger, stronger, hotter and more exciting than you."_

That hit home. I had no response ready.

He laughed out loud _"Bye old man."_ And he hung up.

Actually I already regretted the job offer.

How could I let him get to me like that? Let him make me wonder if she had blushed. Wonder exactly how nice their date had been.

I convinced myself again that everybody in the rez would be better off if the boy had some occupation and responsibility. And they would get a gas station as well.

Better call the Cullens to put my plan to action. And tell Edward the bad news, that he'll be trying to teach a reeking arrogant wolf, who has impure thoughts about his daughter. He will be delighted.

* * *

Two weeks later, the gas station and shop were ready. What Cullen money can't do.

Me and William had limited our contacts, both being repulsed by the other, but the few times I did see him, he couldn't hide his excitement about the job. This was his chance to be a big man in town, not just some kid who is too lazy to go to college, while his grades had been so high.

The contact between William and Edward had been surprisingly good. Surprisingly because he is disgusted with me for liking the Cullens, but apparently he is not disgusted by the Cullens themselves. Or at least Edward. Probably he just dislikes me because I am married to Nessie.

Edward can be very charming as well of course, being a mind reader helps with that. Find the weaker points of your opponent and play them. When I just got the know the vampires, obviously I hated Edward because he had Bella, but in a way, I liked him as well, and Seth liked him immediately too. Maybe he doesn't smell as bad as the rest of them.

I heard a chuckle behind me. Shit. Busted. _Get out of my head bloodsucker_, I added. Now he laughed out loud.

The crowd was just seeping in. We expected a massive interest in our opening. Normally nothing happens at the rez, so a new shop definitely attracts a lot of attention. I gave an official speech, everybody knows me, and the shop would be better off if they all knew it was mine, but I made sure to mention several times that William would be fully in charge. Therefore putting the pressure on him to make this work.

The garage would be opened as well. Edward already taught William the basic diagnostics so that he could consult the Cullens with the right terminology. He was able to perform some basics as well, such as replacing tires, batteries and headlights. For more complicated things, Edward would come over. There isn't an overload of cars in LaPush, so the garage wouldn't get too busy. Neither would the gas station. Therefore we hoped that the shop would attract some other clients as well. Otherwise William would still be bored.

Today it certainly did. Edward was the only vampire present, the younger wolves were watching him intently. Probably never saw a real vampire before. It was clear that William had used alpha order to forbid them to come near to him, because they obviously wanted to come out and provoke their natural enemy, but they were forced to stay back.

People kept coming up to congratulate me, the word about the opening had reached high school as well, because the festivities had attracted many young girls, who didn't have cars and therefore should have no interest in the new gas station. They just wanted to see Superwolf, and although the nickname was funny when Ness teased me, now the whole legendary status was annoying me. I couldn't shake the flocks of girls that were following me around. What did they want? Really. Should I give them an autograph and ask them to leave?

William was clearly annoyed at first as well, but then managed to use my preoccupation to get close to Ness again.

And now that I paid attention to it, I noticed she was blushing a lot. And Edwards mood seemed to have dropped, just like mine. His angry eyes on the boy, told me that William's mind was no innocent place right now. Didn't she know? I heard her laugh out loud, throwing her head back, placing her hand on his arm. Straight out flirting with him. A growl got stuck in my throat.

I tried to keep closer watch, but I was questioned by the local newspaper, and the interviewer was becoming impatient because he had to repeat every question several times. Eventually I succeeded in pulling my gaze from them both, telling myself that she did the act on purpose, to retain her positive effect on him, and I took the interview outside, where they were no longer in my sight.

I couldn't really complain, this was all part of the plan, make him like the Cullens, Nessie and her family, to raise his tolerance and that of his pack.

He did order them to leave Edward alone, so the plan was already working.

I just hoped I wouldn't come to regret some of the side effects.

* * *

**AN: The job, good plan? Bad plan?**


	9. Chapter 7 Premonition

**Chapter seven: Premonition**

**NPOV**

**February 25, Saturday**

My phone rang. Tina calling.

"Hey girlie, how are you?"

"_Nessie, I'm going crazy._" Her voice was a little higher pitched than usual. Something was off.

"Tell me what happened." This was the starting point. Her calling me, completely in distress. Me asking her to repeat the events, but it didn't really matter. It was never something that happened, it were just little things adding up. And I would try to minimize them, telling her how much they loved her. But it wouldn't help.

I tried anyway. Time after time.

"_It's worse here than in Alaska. At least there I could go hunt alone when needed. I'm not allowed here because of all the fucking humans in town_."

"Sorry."

"_I don't mean you sweetie. I just hate to be locked up, I couldn't take it anymore_."

"I know you hate it. But you're making progress right? What do you mean you couldn't take it? What did you do?"

"_I ran_."

"You what? Where are you?"

"_Don't worry, I'm nowhere near town. Even though they think as soon as they set me free I'll go hunt for humans_."

"They don't think that. They've all been newborns and they are sorry for their mistakes. They just want to help you."

"_I'm sorry for my mistakes as well. That's why I don't go near town_."

"You know what they say. Some smells leave you no choice."

"_It's been a year Nessie_."

"I know. I hate it too. I wish I could see you."

"_Me too. I need you so much right now. I really don't want to break up with them again, but I just wish_…" she sighed "_they drive me totally insane_."

She is driving them insane as well, but I didn't say that. Right now I'm on her side. She needs me.

"I'm here for you, Tina. You can let it all out."

"_It's out. I'm empty_."

That did not sound like the normal break-up-Tina. Normally she is all over the place, ranting and screaming, about how they just did not understand they were pushing her away with their smothering behavior.

"Oh Tina, don't say that. You can never be empty. I wish there was something I could do for you."

"_I only want a hug. But I'm not allowed, am I?"_ she added sarcastically, and then sighed again.

I had this feeling of dread, that something really bad was up. A premonition.

That maybe this break up would be final. And they were not the types that would still be friends afterwards.

I couldn't let that happen. Wouldn't let her pull away.

"Do you want to go back to Alaska with them?"

"_No. It won't change things. Eventually the whole getting used to smells thing is going to start over the day we get back. And it will take even longer till I can see you again_."

"I could come with you. Maybe it won't be as dangerous if it's just one human."

"_They won't let you. And you've got your job. If they could just let me prove myself_…"

"I'll talk to them. I'll meet you tonight. With all of them present. Even if the bloodlust would be too much, then Edward and Jasper could interfere and you wouldn't hurt me."

"_That's sweet, Nessie. But they won't let you. They're all so convinced that their way is the right way. Always talking about my mistakes. I don't think I'll go back_…"

Tears started to pool in my eyes. Was this the premonition? The feeling of dread?

Because she was actually calling to say goodbye to me?

"Don't do this, Tina. You have to stay. Even if it's not for Rose and Emmett, then stay for the rest." I added in a whisper "for me…"

"_I can't look at their accusing faces. Or compassionate, just as bad. Yours is the only face I want to see right now. And it's the only one I can't see_."

"Where are you? I'm coming over."

"_You can't do that, Ness_."

"We won't tell them. You need me. And I need to be reassured that you're not running."

"_Would you do that for me?"_

"Of course, I've been dying to meet you. You know how much I missed you, I would be doing it for me as well."

"_And you trust me?"_

"Yes. You never felt bloodlust on Saturday morning when you smelled me."

"_No. Never_."

Now I decided to see her, I got all excited. Finally reunited with Tina.

"Tell me where you are, I'm already in my car." I slammed the door shut to let her know I was serious.

After she told me the exact place, I raced there, glad I didn't have to lie to Jake, who was visiting his sister. I had stayed at home to correct some tests, but that was not important now.

When I parked the car, I got out and waited, expecting her to come find me.

And then she appeared. She stood still a distance away from me.

I had expected her to look miserable, the state she was in emotionally, but she looked amazing.

She was one stunning vampire and I couldn't help but smile and whisper "You're so beautiful, Tina."

She was apprehensive at first, stepping closer to me, cautiously, probably smelling me and assessing her bloodlust. When she was an arms length away from me she stopped.

"Okay?" I asked. Not that I could have run if she wasn't, but I wasn't scared.

"Nessie…" she whispered, and outstretched her hand to my face, brushing her cold finger against my cheek. My smile widened and then she pulled me into a hug.

"Ouch!" I shrieked. It's obvious she only had been dealing with vampires.

She released me instantly, stepping back again, a worried look on her face.

"Gentle hugging with humans." I grinned.

"Right." She looked guilty.

"Try again."

Her new hug was too gentle, not really a hug, just her arms in a circle around me, but I held her tight. Even though she was hard and cold now, she still felt the same.

"Golden eyes suit you well."

"Thanks. I got me some red contacts as well, to give them a little scare. But given the circumstances, it would not be funny at all."

I looked at her for the longest time, couldn't wipe the smile from my face, even though she was unhappy and needed my comfort, not my grin. But she was affected nevertheless, and smiled as well.

We talked for a bit, she showed me how strong she was, splintering some branches between her thumb and index finger.

When I got cold I suggested to go for a drive, warming up the car and eventually myself. I hoped to bring her a little closer back to the Cullens as well.

Once we were driving, she wasn't as relaxed anymore. Maybe she saw what direction I was going. So I decided to take a turn and drive away from Forks.

Her tension however, did not subside.

And then without warning, no staring or snarling, she pounced me.

Teeth buried deep in my neck, drinking me hungrily.

I tried to call out to her, but I knew it would be in vain.

The car left the road and crashed against a tree, but I was held in place by her strong arms.

So this was the premonition, it was a warning.

Today was the day I would die...

I didn't see my life flash before me, none of that. No tunnel and white light. I just knew this was the end, and then all went black.

* * *

**AN: Who saw that one coming?**


	10. Chapter 8 Never

**Chapter eight: Never**

**JPOV**

**March 1, Wednesday**

I would never hear her beating heart again. It would simply _never _beat again.

Never see her blushing cheeks or touch her warm skin.

But I couldn't complain. A small price to pay.

It could have been a lot worse. If Jasper hadn't been hunting in those same woods.

Alice had a vision. Not the moment Tina bit, but the moment they got into the car. What a stupid idea to meet Tina behind our backs, and then even more stupid to get into a car with a newborn not used to human company. That is like committing suicide.

My Nessie loves too much, that's for sure. Would risk her life if someone needed her. Had almost lost her life.

Alice called Jasper immediately, to find them and stop Tina, even if he only had a few minutes. She also called Carlisle, who was in the hospital, to bring loads of blood for Ness. Both of their whereabouts were a lucky coincidence. Although lucky is a word that does not fit for that day.

Jasper was able to reach the crashed car, and pull Tina away from Nessie. As soon as her teeth left Nessie's throat, she realized what she had done, and ran.

Carlisle would need five more minutes to get there with the blood, and Ness was too far gone to last that long. So Carlisle ordered him to bite her.

Tina's venom that was injected had been sucked out again by her drinking. Ness was seconds away from dying. Jasper alone could save her.

Normally he would have pleaded for a different solution, knowing that human blood and his teeth were a bad combination. But there was no time for hesitation, even if he drained her, the result would be the same as doing nothing, except that he at least had tried.

So he tried.

And succeeded. His venom kept her halfway alive until Carlisle reached them and took over.

Jasper ran as well.

She has been unconscious for four days now. She lost so much blood that it can be called a miracle that she is still alive. Alive is a big word, she's a vampire, although nobody knows if she'll wake up again.

Her change had been far from normal. Nothing like the change the other vampires experienced, which is actually a good thing. She appeared not to be in any pain. We only knew she was alive because sometimes she would move, as if she was dreaming.

At first, we thought that for her, having vampire genes, the step from human to vampire was smaller, and therefore les painful. We expected it to be shorter as well, but four days now… We were worried deeply.

Tina hadn't returned, and Rose and Emmett were afraid she never would. She had been with Ness in the first place because she had left them. Running. And they were both convinced that this break up was worse than the other ones. Nessie was the only thing that kept her here, she had mentioned that several times. And now she probably didn't want to face Ness again.

I was somehow still hoping that she was just staying away as long as her eyes were red, and that she would start missing Rose, Emmett and Nessie too much to stay away forever. Nessie will need her if she wakes again. But time is a strange thing for immortals.

Jasper on the other hand had returned. A hero. He managed to bite her without spilling any blood, as she had lost so much already. He was no longer the weak link of the Cullens, he was a strong one now. Totally in control of his bloodlust. And relieved to be.

We all thanked him, but he just said that he really had no other choice.

I was worried as for how she would react to me. I stayed with her night and day. But as soon as she would wake up, which I still believed she would - I just _had_ to - I would not be allowed to be with her. Her reaction to my smell would be monitored by Jasper. And Edward, who carried this small hope to be able to read her now. He still can't read Bella, so I don't expect him to.

I'm scared that our relationship won't be the same anymore. A newborn married to a human.

Worst case scenario she would have to be isolated for a year, like Tina had, even more because things had gone a little wrong with Tina. I can't miss her for that long. I hardly can miss her a day.

But still, things could have been worse.

There was another concern as well. A vampire married to a werewolf. Worst case scenario here: she would be repulsed by me. Wouldn't want me anymore. I tried to discard those thoughts, but didn't succeed all the time. How would I be able to survive if Ness would reject me?

"Don't worry. She'll be fine. She's still in there."

I forgot I wasn't alone. "I know she is, Jazz. I never doubted that."

"Then what are you worried about?"

"Just… about what will happen to us. Newborn and human. Vampire and wolf."

"I'm sure the wolf thing won't be a problem. You don't smell so dog anymore." I glared at him but he continued "and Tina didn't seem to have a problem with you, while she is one fierce vampire."

Fierce. Definitely. I looked at my girl, lifeless before me. Two biting marks in her neck.

"Which one is yours?"

"What?"

"Her scars."

"Oh. I don't remember."

"Jazz, don't mess with me. We both know you'll remember for the rest of your existence. Which one is it?"

"The right," he answered softly.

"Was it hard?"

"I told everybody already, I had no choice."

"I know you didn't. But was it hard?"

"Yes."

"Is that why you ran? To not want to drain her?"

"Yes..."

"Thank you."

He just sighed. I think he was growing tired of the gratitude all the time. He doesn't like the spotlights.

"Can you feel her emotions now? Or is she too far?"

"I can. They're… changeable. Like she's dreaming."

"Would you feel it if she were in pain?"

"I think I would."

"Nothing?"

"None, whatsoever."

I was relieved. We both sat in silence with her. I was stroking her cold and hard hand, not knowing if she could feel my touch.

"I think the bloodlust will be okay," he suddenly said. I looked up at him, but he was only looking at her.

"How do you figure?"

"I don't know. When she was changing ten years ago, she wasn't a thirsty predator." He shrugged.

"It had just started. Slowly. Now she is completely changed. And she's a passionate one, I think she could just as well be a fierce one too."

"I still don't think she will. She is the most graceful and compassionate person I know. I just can't see her wanting to harm anybody."

"Tina is a sweet girl as well…"

"Tina… This was our mistake. We should have known they would not stay away from each other. She talked about Tina all the time. I could literally feel the pain of them missing each other. If we had let them see one another with us around, this wouldn't have happened. It was our mistake."

"Is that why you don't want the hero thing? Because you feel guilty?"

"Perhaps."

"Don't. Please. She knew she was at risk, wanting the human life. She knew she could fall down anytime, shed some blood, and get killed. She trusted on Alice. Which saved her eventually."

"Only because I was near. If I had been one minute later. Or less…" His face looked pained.

"Look, she wanted to be a vampire when she grew up. We chose a human life. But fate decided differently. We can't dwell on all that could have happened. We'll go insane."

"Yes. Yes we will."

"I need you to be sane, Jasper. I can't be with her when she wakes. Neither can Tina. She needs _you_."

"All the Cullens will be there for her." He looked away, out of the window.

"And you?"

"I'll try."

Why wasn't he grabbing this opportunity to be her hero? Had biting her been so hard he didn't want to face her?

Trying to figure out mysterious Jasper is mission impossible for everybody.

Except Nessie. Around her, he's different. Open. Funny. Sometimes even Alice raises her eyebrows when she hears them from the study, convulsing in laughter.

I gave up trying to find out why he acted so strange. We sat in silence again.

Hours passed by.

Until Jasper stood up and said "Carlisle, come in here please. She's really confused, I think she's waking up."

Indeed. Her hands were anxiously gripping the sheets, eyelids fluttering. Carlisle and Edward both stepped in, and looked at me, silently asking me to leave.

We agreed to this, I would leave the house and go home, and they would keep in touch, tell me about her every breath. They promised.

I left the guest room and saw Jasper enter his study, before I got out the front door. I nearly got hit by Alice, who flashed by me, straight up the stairs, where I could hear her chipper to the others.

So it was true. Nessie was awake.

A massive load was lifted from my shoulders. I had always believed she would. But still…

* * *

**AN: There's a new vampire in town! :) Let me know what you think...**


	11. Chapter 9 Whispers

**Chapter nine: Whispers**

**NPOV**

**March 1, Wednesday**

I woke up from this dream, I don't remember what it was about, just that it was a long dream. I was more fading into consciousness than waking up.

I felt strange. Maybe I was sick, but I didn't feel sick.

I heard voices, a lot of them, shouting and whispering. I couldn't understand anything. In a desperate way to keep them out, I placed my hands over my ears and shut my eyes as tight as I could, trying to go back to the dream.

Everything felt strange here. Maybe this was the dream. I needed to get out.

Suddenly a familiar voice told the other voices to shut up. I don't know who it belonged to, but the shouting stopped immediately. The whispering didn't though.

I lowered my hands again, but kept my eyes closed. I tried to understand what they were whispering about. Was it about me? Was I sick?

_She looks distressed. There's too much of us. Should I leave?_

_I wonder if she's thirsty._

_She's the most beautiful one I have ever seen._

_She's not as pale as us._

The voices weren't talking to each other, they were all just criss crossing. There was more, but I couldn't understand all of it.

Suddenly I heard footsteps and then another familiar voice that said: "It's too much for her. One at the time."

Jasper.

I remembered bits and pieces. He was in my dream.

Somebody else answered "Carlisle, you stay, we go."

Dad.

I smiled and lifted my hand. Someone took it. Dad. He didn't feel like dad, but he was, I knew. It's like… I could smell him. A sweet scent. He kissed me on my forehead, and then the whispering voices left the room.

Only one voice left. That would have to be Carlisle. I slowly opened my eyes, squinting against the light.

He whispered, more to himself: "_Blue… Remarkable. Very remarkable_."

"What is blue?" I asked.

"Huh?" he looked surprised, and then added "_Did I say that out loud_?"

"Yes you did."

He looked at me thoughtfully and then said "_Can you hear me_?"

"Of course I can. What is going on Carlisle? Why do I feel so weird?"

_A mind reader. It figures._

"You mean dad?" My confusion only got higher.

Carlisle sat on the edge of my bed and said, out loud this time "You have inherited your father's gift Nessie, you can read minds."

He looked at me intently. As if he expected me to do something.

I knew he was right. The whispers I had been hearing. They were not spoken, they were thought.

"Why now? I never could before." I tried to sit up, but still felt a little drowsy.

He sighed. "Do you remember anything that happened the day you decided to meet Tina?"

The most stupid and irresponsible decision of my life, I remember it, yeah. "You know about that?"

"Yes."

"Are you mad?"

"Not anymore. We understand. What do you remember?"

I thought hard, while he waited. His mind silent, patient.

"I remember seeing her. I was cold. The car… " The crash flashed before me, and the reason why we crashed. "She bit me…" I lifted my left hand to my neck. Sure enough , I could feel the crescent scar and traced it with my fingers. I was sure I would die then.

Carlisle nodded. "You were saved. But we had to change you."

He looked at me as if I would be angry about that.

"Is the change finished or just starting?" I don't remember any pain. For all I know, it had been a pleasant dream.

"I think you are a full vampire. How do you feel?"

"Weird."

"In a good way or in a bad way?"

"Neither. Does Jake know?" I shook my head to clear it from the leftover fog. Slowly I was focusing.

"Yes. But we told him to go home, we didn't know how much bloodlust you would be in. Can you smell him?"

Now that he mentioned, there were all sorts of smells, which I never smelled before but recognized anyway.

"I can smell all of them, is that possible?" I distinguished the specific smells of all my family members, including Jake, who smelled still nice to me. Luckily.

"Yes, it's possible."

"All but Tina. She must be devastated, about the biting. She hates the bloodlust."

"Yes, about Tina... We haven't seen her since Jasper pulled her off of you."

"She's gone?"

"Emmett and Rose reckon she was running before she met you."

"I remember something like that. But she wouldn't stay away, would she?"

"I don't know, Nessie. Right now, let's focus on you."

_I tell her she changed into a vampire and she's worried about her friend, at least her good heart hasn't changed._

"Thanks." I smiled at his thought.

"Oh. You're welcome. It will take some getting used to. Another mind reader."

"I can't hear the rest now. Are they still here?"

"Your gift will probably develop throughout the years. What do your other senses tell you?"

I listened carefully, but they were probably all still, listening in on the conversation.

"I don't know."

"You'll get there. Obviously everybody is still here, dying to meet our newest vampire."

"So how's this thing with bloodlust? I don't feel anything. Am I supposed to?"

"It hurts. You'll notice when you get there. No sore throat?"

"No." My eyes were fully adjusted to the light now, and I took a look around the room, taking in all the details that I never noticed before. I looked back at Carlisle too. He was indeed a handsome doctor. My grandfather.

"Did you change me?"

"No. Jasper did."

"Jasper bit me?"

"He had to. You only had seconds left."

"Waw. Must have been hard on him."

"He did brilliantly. Didn't even take a drop from you."

I smiled. I always wanted him to change me, back when I wanted to be a vampire. I guess I got my way again.

"Can I call Jake?"

"Yes, of course. I'll leave you to it. You'll have plenty of time to meet the rest of us, as you won't be sleeping again."

He handed me my cell. I was a little nervous. Jake always told me he would still love me as a vampire, but that was before we were together, before we were married. We chose the human life. Things will be different now.

At the first dial, he picked up.

"_Ness, baby, I'm so glad you're okay_."

"How do you know I'm okay?"

"_I just got off the phone with Edward, he told me you would call me_."

"Oh. So you know I'm a mind reader then?"

"_Yes. That's um… amazing, right?"_

"I'm not as good as Edward. Right now I hear nothing."

"_You'll be reading my mind as well_."

If that was his biggest concern, we would be fine. "How do you feel about the vampire thing?"

"_Well… It's not the life we chose. But I almost lost you, honey… And knowing that…_" his voice broke, and I heard him swallow before he continued _"…makes me glad that you're immortal now_."

"You're not…" I was emotional as well, but there were no tears in my eyes. Never would be again.

"_I'll phase again, Nessie. I'll stay young with you_."

"You'll smell."

He laughed at that. I was glad to be able to lift the heavy mood.

"_You mean I don't stink now?"_

"Naah. Not yet. What about me?"

"_Naah. And the bloodlust?"_

"Fine. Carlisle says I would notice, so, I'm okay, I guess."

"_Think you can meet me soon? I miss you already_…"

"Me too. I don't think they'll try to keep us apart."

"_No. Not after what happened_."

"I'm really sorry, Jake. She sounded like she was saying goodbye to me. I thought I would never get to see her again."

"_It's okay baby. If you would have gotten yourself killed, then I would have been mad. Now I'm just glad that Alice, and Jasper, and Carlisle were in the right place at the right time_."

"Alice and Carlisle saved me too?"

"_Yes. Alice had a vision, Jasper stopped Tina and bit you, and Carlisle gave you blood. It was all a matter of seconds_."

"Gee. Fate really wants me to be a vampire, right?"

"_Yeah. Maybe it does_."

"And you'll be Superwolf again?"

"_I'm gonna have to. Can't have my wife be faster and stronger than me_."

We talked a little more, but I was somewhat uncomfortable, knowing that they all could listen in. It never bothered me much, but I never believed they paid much attention to personal stuff.

Right now, the house was way too silent.

I guess it was time for me to come out, and show my new self.

* * *

**AN: A mind reader!!! How about that?**


	12. Chapter 10 Impatient

**Chapter ten: Impatient**

**JPOV**

**March 3, Friday**

I have to see her. All these new experiences. I want to be a part of it. I need to see her.

She's been awake for almost fifty hours. She needs me too.

Friday movie night was on, for them. Not for me. I was just working. Night and day. I can't stand to sleep in our bed alone. And I'll be sleeping in it alone for a very very long time to come. That's another thing I would miss. Never see her sleeping and dreaming again. A small price to pay.

I didn't mind the vampire thing much really, I just wish I had known, prepared myself. I would have stayed awake more, watching her sleep. I would have enjoyed her blushing, the speeding of her heart more.

On the other hand, I think I have adored every part of her as much as possible. And the most important thing was her loving heart. That was still very much present. We talked on the phone for hours. About all that kept amazing her.

She wanted to be as discrete as Edward about her gift, but right now it was way to exciting for her to stay silent about it. So I found out some stuff about the Cullens. For instance that Rose and Emmett haven't had sex since Tina ran off. Because it would be like cheating on her, but it had been almost a week, and they are starting to have a hard time.

I didn't really care for all that stuff. I just want to see her again. Be with her.

I go crazy without her.

"Enough already. I'll talk to Carlisle. Just… Please stop."

I looked up to Edward from the engine I was working on without answering. I think I've been repeating these thought a little too often.

"Yes. You have. I understand. I do. But please."

"You'll talk to Carlisle? Be on my side in this?"

"Yes. I don't think she will hurt you."

"I don't care if she does. I just want to see her."

"I believe she would care. Tricking her into making mistakes will not help her confidence. Our mistakes haunt us. Especially when hurting someone we love. Emmett killed his singer twice and he still beats himself up about it sometimes, even though he loves Rose dearly."

"But she can't harm me, with all the Cullens around."

"I'll tell Carlisle."

"Go. Right now. I need her."

He rolled his eyes, but left the garage with a small smile on his lips. Edward knows how to talk Carlisle into things, he's on my side and he will have some valid arguments. He could tell him I might sneak up on Nessie's room at night if I don't get to see her soon. Only Carlisle knows I wouldn't. And Nessie isn't necessarily in her room at night.

The next hour I undid all the work I had finished on the engine the entire day, just by being so distracted. I really should stop, now it was still an engine. But I couldn't. Good old work therapy. The engine was a small sacrifice for my sanity.

Finally Edward returned. Almost overthrown by the impatient questions in my mind, he simply nodded and smiled.

I dropped my work gear and ran over to hug him. But then released just as quickly. I saw his eyes shift to the greasy spots I left on his shirt, but his smile never left. Only Alice would care, and she is way too busy being Nessie's personal teacher.

Normally Jasper fulfills that role. But now that they actually have time to read day and night, she hardly ever speaks of him.

"He's avoiding her. They haven't _met_, so to say."

"Really? Why? He's her best friend."

"His scars," Edward stated, as if that explained it all.

"What about them?"

"As a human, she couldn't see them. As a vampire, it's all we see. At first."

"She won't mind. I know her. And so does he."

"He's really insecure about his past. He believes that Ness will see the scars an no longer see him as her quiet mentor, but as a warrior, a killer."

"She knows what is in his past. Never worried about it. She's not shallow."

"I know. But I understand him too. The image she carries of him, it's pretty much perfect. And it's important for him. Not his pretty face. Just her admiration. And he believes he doesn't deserve it. And that she will find out, now she's a vampire. A mind reader even."

"The man worries too much. He'll come around. And as for now, his loss. When can I see her?"

"Tonight. But there are some conditions."

"Of course."

"We will all be present, should something happen." I nodded eagerly, ready to accept any condition, as long as I got to see her.

"And you have to stay ten feet away from her. You step in closer and it will be the last time for a while."

"Okay, I can do that."

"And at last, as soon as any of us says it's enough, then you leave again. Even if you still believe it's safe, and even if you believe it's your responsibility."

"Alright! Let's go."

"Not now. They took her hunting, to be sure. Two hours."

"Right." Two hours. How was I going to survive that?

"How about taking a beauty nap? She looks stunning now Jacob, out of your league."

"I know. I saw her when she was unconscious. To me she always did, though."

He smiled again. Of course he knew.

"I can't sleep. Certainly not now. In moments like this, my wolf would come in handy."

"Phased again yet?"

"No. First try to get her to like me as a human, then wolf."

"Maybe she'll be less keen on drinking you if you were wolf. We never craved your smelling blood."

"No, but you did tend to get hostile. I'd rather her be thirsty for me, than ready to rip my head off."

The next few hours crept by. Edward forbid me to further abolish the engine and took me running, away from hunting area of course. It did help with my nerves. I'm sure it helped him too. No endorphins for him, just my appeased mind.

When Carlisle finally called us to come over, I almost sprinted back to Forks, until I came to a stop in their backyard, where she stood, surrounded by her family. They asked her if she was okay, and she nodded, her eyes on me already.

_Hey babe, can you hear me?_ I thought to her.

She lifted her hands and said, without losing eye contact: "Hush everybody, hum a song or something." I heard some chuckles and when it was quiet, I tried again.

A smile appeared on her angel face and she nodded.

_You are so beautiful…_

"So are you."

Seeing her awake after almost losing her, feeling that she still loved me in her new life, it was almost too much for me. I swallowed hard, glad that I didn't have to use my voice, and my vision became blurry. I quickly wiped my eyes, I didn't want to miss a second of seeing her. And I prayed that she wouldn't get thirsty so that we could see each other regularly now. My eyes focused on her again, and I notice something shining on her cheek. A tear. Out of her blue eyes. Shouldn't her eyes be honey by now?

"It's my special genes. I'm a half breed and always will be, something in between. I still have some human traits."

_I love your blue eyes_.

"I know you do. I'm glad I got to keep those."

_What else?_

"Apparently tears. Didn't know that until now. I'm still finding out everything else. I miss you so much, wish I could hold you."

New tears were forming. I didn't care that the entire family was able to witness this emotional display, something that should have been private. In my mind it was just me and her.

_Love you so much honey_.

"Forever" I added in an unsteady voice.

"Forever" she answered, and it had a whole new meaning now...

* * *

**AN: Phew, she still likes the human Jake! Now bring back the wolf, right?**


	13. Chapter 11 Scars

**Chapter eleven: Scars**

**NPOV**

**March 3, Friday**

I wasn't thirsty for his blood, just longed to hold him. Hearing him promise his eternal love meant a lot to me. Especially now we would have eternity. Maybe this wouldn't be such a bad thing. He had to keep phasing, but neither of us minded the wolf days. I'm a vampire now, and there's nothing I can do to change that, so I plan to make the best of it.

I started to enjoy the mind reading as well. My gift is a little different than Edward's. He hears the voices, from a great distance. Even sees the images in other's minds. He can tune in, but can never really shut it out. I just hear whispers, so it's harder to recognize who's mind I'm hearing. I can only hear the people that are in my vision, although I don't need to look at them. I am learning to tune in, but most of the times, when several thoughts are passing, I can understand none of them. The advantage of my weaker gift is that it's fairly easy to ignore it, as long as the minds are not too excited. Now they were obviously excited, curious as to how I would react to my human husband.

I think I passed the test. Not thirsty. Not repulsed. Quite the contrary.

We spent twenty minutes like this, him whispering thoughts at me, and me whispering my response for everybody to hear. I could tell that the Cullens were getting a little uncomfortable, and I wanted to end our contact before any bloodlust could surface, so I could see him again soon. Hopefully tomorrow.

When he left again, my happy mood slowly started to fade, and being away from him slowly started to hurt again. He was my comfort in times of distress.

I was not really in distress, but a lot of things had definitely changed, and I needed him near, reassuring me that it would all be okay.

I tried to avoid thinking about Tina, but it was hard. Especially when near Rose and Emmett, who's minds were filled with her all the time. I called her up about a million times, but her cell was turned off. Maybe she didn't even have it on her.

Yesterday I tried a new approach and posted a new entry on my Twitter page, that was not up to date at all. She would have no reason to check it, except maybe if she wanted to see some pictures of me, of us. I entered following quote: "_If you love something, let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever."_ I hoped she would understand.

There was something up with Jasper as well. He was avoiding me, that much was obvious. I figured at first it was because he had to bite me. Now I don't know. It had been a week. I tried not to be insulted. Edward wouldn't fill me in on his reason, told me I should find out for myself. Always discrete.

So when he didn't show up on movie night, I decided this silly thing must end now. Even if he had only liked me as a human, I wanted to know. I had the right to know.

So I went upstairs, but he wasn't there. I needed to work on my senses. When I came down again, Alice looked up from the screen. "Cabin." she said and added in her mind _"Let's get this over with."_

When I arrived at the cabin, I saw that the lights were on. I didn't feel his presence or hear his thoughts, but I'm sure he knew I was there.

I knocked anyway. Just to be polite. He didn't answer.

The rejection hit me. He really didn't want to see me.

My stomach tied in a knot and I stepped away from the cabin, to sit down against a tree, looking out at the cabin. I wrapped my arms around my knees and let the tears fall. Human tears ask for human poses. He must feel my pain, I wanted him to feel it. Let him know what he did to me, acting like that.

Finally he came out, I couldn't see him with my teary eyes, but I heard and he sat down next to me.

I focused on his smell, I never smelled him so intensely, and still it was nice and very familiar. As if humans on some subconscious level still register those things.

I could hear his mind now, whispering faintly. Maybe that was the clouding he talked about for Edward's gift.

_Did she look at me? Did she see? Her feelings haven't changed._

"See what?" I asked, with a thick voice.

"You heard that?"

"Yes."

_No clouding from her. Damn._

"What have you got to hide then, Jasper?" I asked, even more hurt now.

"Oh Nessie, don't cry." he said, and put his arm around me. I immediately fell against his chest, sobbing. He didn't feel cold anymore, or hard. He felt just like me. But still was very careful with me. Now I was crying, I couldn't focus on his thoughts anymore, although I was interested.

When I relaxed a little, I tried to talk, in between some remaining sobs.

"Is that why you have been avoiding me? Because you want to hide your thoughts? I have always been totally honest with you Jasper. I wouldn't mind you reading my thoughts."

"Some things are complicated, Nessie. It's not that I haven't been honest. I just don't like being read."

"Even by your best friend?"

"Yes. I'm sorry."

"Are you going to get used to it? Or just keep avoiding me?"

"I don't know."

Right.

So he was scarifying our friendship in order to keep his secrets. Secrets I wasn't even aware of, while I confided every single thing in him. I guess he never was my best friend after all.

I pushed myself away from him, hard, forgetting my vampire strength for an instant, and I turned around and ran.

New tears streaking my face. I lost two friends now.

"Ness…" I heard him say behind me, but I didn't want to hear it anymore. I just wanted to be with Jake. Hold him. Let him tell me forever again.

I was fast, newborn speed, he wouldn't be able to follow me, if he wanted to at all. He just wanted to be left alone, so he wouldn't.

When I was far enough, outside empath radius, I slid down against a tree and sobbed again.

He found me anyway. Pulled into a hug again, hushing me and stroking my back. Why did he bother now when he just said that he didn't want to be my friend anymore? Not in so much words, but that was what I made of it.

"I don't understand, Jasper. All these years you sought my company. Not just me. You did as well. And you told me you could only be truly yourself with me. And Alice of course. Why would you tell me that? If you want to hide yourself so badly?"

"I meant that I was able to be more myself with you than with anybody else."

"But still not entirely?"

"Not entirely. But it's not your fault. You know my past."

I looked up at him. Was this about his past? Who cares about that?

He quickly pulled me against him once more, thinking _"don't look at me."_

I wiped my eyes, and pulled back again, purposefully looking at him. I knew he was self-conscious about his scars, and the fact that he was worried about that, was even more silly. If he thought I was that shallow, he was very wrong.

He averted his face, but I stopped him, one hand under his chin. Not forcefully, but insistent anyway.

"Feel my emotions, Jazz. They won't lie."

And I looked at him. For the first time.

His face was covered in scars, some just a shine, but some deep and colored. It was amazing that humans don't see them.

I stared into his eyes, he looked hurt, panicked, like a deer trapped in the headlights. But still like Jasper.

I didn't feel pity, I knew what had happened to him, and it made him who he is now. My friend. Shy and modest, but ever so kind. Somehow he kept enough warmth in his heart, althrough the many wars he fought. It made him all the more special.

"You're still Jasper to me. I swear. Can't you feel it?"

His gaze softened, eyes looking back in mine. I hoped he was reassured now. And that he would stop hiding.

My hand that was holding his chin softly traced the skin of his face, my fingertips following the many crescent scars.

And then his mind whispered to me:

"_I love you. I never wanted you to find out. But I do. I love you…"_

* * *

**AN: The scars were not the only thing Jasper was hiding... Whoever read his outtake after Fearless must have remembered this...**


	14. Chapter 12 Back

**Chapter twelve: Back**

**JPOV**

**March 10, Friday**

Things were working out fine. None of the worst case scenarios came to play. In fact, these were more best case scenarios. She still loved me, although we hadn't been able to hold each other yet. I was confident that her love would stay. No matter what.

And her control over bloodlust was like Bella's had been. She didn't suffer one single bit. Hunted every day and never was thirsty in between. She didn't even know what a sore throat felt like. I was eternally relieved that she didn't have to move to Alaska. And I was silently hoping that she would be coming home soon. Or at least that we could see each other in private. Or hold each other again.

Carlisle told me that if it weren't for Tina's mistake, she would probably have been home already. But they learned to be extra cautious.

I understood. In a way they all felt guilty a bit.

She was allowed to hunt alone, and then called me, away from vampire ears.

One time she was deep into thought.

"_I have this dilemma. It's not about something in particular, just general. I want to be discrete about my gift, like Edward is, I really admire that in him. And so do you, he never spoke to anybody about what he found in your thoughts. About Leah, when I was growing up for instance. I want to be like that too, no matter how hard. But on the other hand, I don't want to keep secrets from you."_

"Hmm. That is a tough one."

"_At first I thought that telling you everything I hear wouldn't matter, because we can both keep it a secret then, but Edward can read your mind, so you can't. What should I do?"_

"I think, if there are things you wouldn't have known if you weren't a mind reader, that you shouldn't tell them. I wouldn't have liked it, to continue the Leah example, if Edward decided that he could tell Bella."

"_So I should keep it all to myself? Even if it concerns me?"_

"Um. I don't know. I guess so. If you really want to tell something, if you think it's important that I know, you can always ask them if they're okay with it. Maybe that's the most honest solution."

"_You're right."_

Some other times during our private phone calls, she tended to get naughty, very naughty, telling me that her lack of bloodlust was compensated in a different kind of lust. As to be expected for a newborn vampire. It made me need her even more.

Today I would meet her inside the house, where smells get more intense. First with open windows, and then closed. I would attend to movie night, each on a side of the big couch.

I craved to have her closer to me, not just because I couldn't. We always were very affectionate, when she was human we were touching and cuddling all the time. The other cravings, also affectionate, but more mature, were present as well.

I tried to ignore our last conversation, when I saw her tonight. She sat perched between Emmett and Edward on the couch. Those choices were strategic, Edward the fastest and Emmett the strongest had the most chance at stopping her. Alice sat next to Edward, so he could easily tune in on her visions, even though with me they were worthless.

I don't think I managed to keep my mind pure, because I saw Edward's jaw tighten, while Nessie was suppressing a grin. Definitely naughty.

"So," Carlisle interrupted the tension "movie time. Sit down Jake," and then he motioned for Esme to start the movie.

About half an hour into it – I could honestly not say what it was about – Edward took the remote and paused it.

"Enough. That's three of you now." He shook his head.

"I agree," Jasper added, "although for me it's four."

The four lustful people looked down, I was the only one blushing of course.

"Edward, you know we can't allow…" Carlisle pleaded.

"_They_ are allowed." He nudged his head towards Emmett and Rose.

"It's really their fault," Ness defended herself "all those thoughts all day long."

"Jake can't read their minds, he's got no excuse."

"Do I need an excuse now to want my wife?"

"You can want my daughter all you like, but please don't think about it in my presence."

"Believe it or not, I was actually trying to."

I heard Nessie chuckle, but she earned a glare from Edward, immediately straightening her face.

"I agree about Rose and Emmett," Alice interrupted.

"Would you mind your own fucking business?" Rose shouted, almost shocked that they would vote now about her sex life.

"See? That's what I mean." Alice continued, undisturbed "you are so bitchy."

"Hey, don't call my baby bitchy."

"I think I can speak on behalf of Tina," Nessie said carefully, more to Emmett than to Rose, "when I say that she _really_ wouldn't mind. In fact, it would be better if you were both satisfied when she returns, otherwise you'll smother her all over again. So you'll be doing her a favor."

All vampires nodded at this. I don't know if they really believed that, but as long as Emmett and Rose were put out of their misery, the greater good was served.

They looked into each other's eyes, and as soon as the first cracks appeared in their resolution, we all knew what would happen.

"The cabin!" Esme shouted, pointing at the back door, just in time, because Emmett threw Rose over his shoulder and sprinted out of the house. Esme sighed in relief for the expensive furniture that was saved. And the peace of everybody in the house.

"I've been thinking" Carlisle said, turned towards me "why haven't you phased yet?"

"I thought that maybe the smell…" I looked at Ness, uncertain.

"She'll have to deal with it someday. So better now, right?" Edward said, reading Carlisle's mind.

"Yes," Carlisle added "I think we will be able to give you more freedom once you are fully wolf again. You'll be immune to the venom and you'll heal from most possible injuries. We'll still need to be careful, though."

He had a point. I wanted to hold her as a human. Before risking to repulse her. But if I was allowed to hold her sooner after phasing, then the rest wouldn't matter anymore.

I looked at her, asking in my mind what she thought of that.

"I think the same," she said.

Carlisle looked at us questioningly, and I nodded at him.

I would phase. Every day if needed. And as soon as my wolf power was back, I would claim my Nessie. Take her home with me. She smiled at that.

I stood up saying that I would go home and phase right now, I wasn't really paying attention to the movie anyway. Edward rolled his eyes, but looked relieved.

I threw a kiss at Nessie, and left.

In fact, phasing was just what I needed right now and it came as natural as ever.

All my human needs were less urgent when I was a wolf. I was able to clear my mind entirely and just focus on the rhythm of my paws on the forest ground, the little clouds of fog blowing from my nostrils, and the diversity of different scents in the air.

It was good to be back. I hadn't realized just how much I had missed it. Now I would be able to phase every day, for the rest of eternity. Maybe fate has done me a favor, by changing Ness.

I ran for hours, till deep in the night. I could hear some howling coming from the rez, but there were no voices in my head. I was a pack of my own.

When I was back home, human again, I immediately felt some difference. Or maybe I just wanted to. When undressing in the forest, ready to phase, I had been freezing, now I was walking back to the house in my sweatpants without feeling the cold. Of course I ran enough to keep me warm. I felt fit and confident. Enjoying my endorphins.

I planned to go to sleep, and phase again, first thing in the morning. And to pay attention to my sense of temperature before the running.

If my wolf could bring Nessie back to me, then I would hurry up in bringing him back first.

* * *

**AN: I think most of you are pleased that Jake is wolf again...**


	15. Chapter 13 Brain Training

**Chapter thirteen: Brain Train**

**NPOV**

**March 16, Thursday**

I hadn't known how to react to Jasper's mind. So I simply didn't. Pretended not to hear. I miss a lot of thoughts, when preoccupied, so I might as well have missed that particular one. My emotions were all over the place, but given the intensity of the moment, that was not so strange.

I don't know if he was on to me. But I figured as long as I pretended that the clouding worked with my gift, that he would trust me again and be my friend.

Knowing how he truly felt, should have changed things. Did I want to be his friend still?

I didn't care about the rest. He was my friend before as well. The only thing that mattered to him was whether I found out or not. So if he could live with it, then I would as well.

The thing is, I needed him too much to dwell on complications. Tina and Jake weren't near. I needed Jazz. And I did try to ignore his thoughts, so that my emotions would never react on anything that he believed to be clouding.

In the mean time, Jake became my wolf again. I could see that he loved it, he looked alive, radiant. And he smelled like my wolf again too. His scent didn't repulse me, it was etched into my entire childhood, brought back memories of me growing up close to him. Happy memories.

I was having a hard time staying away from him. Not much longer, they promised me.

Jake was so relieved that I still loved his wolf smell, that he almost overdid it. Phasing all day, to regain his strength and healing power, neglecting the work in the garage. But Edward didn't complain. Said that Jake was no pleasure to be around with these days.

I disagreed. I totally enjoyed hearing his thoughts, especially when he wasn't aware of it. He wasn't as excited as I was about the mind reading thing, thought it wasn't fair that it was a one way thing. But unlike some, he had nothing to hide from me, I knew him so well, none of his thoughts had astounded me so far.

The Cullens on the other hand all had surprised me in some way. Growing up with them taught me a lot, but hearing the exact words in their minds is still something else.

Alice for instance, was even more a fashion freak than I figured, I tried not to judge the superficiality of her mind, when Edward pointed out to me that she saves her more serious thoughts for moments she is alone.

Rose surprised me in the opposite direction, where I believed her to be shallow, she was far from that. She is a very caring person, and I wonder why she tries so hard to hide that. I knew she must be, because she used to be a mother hen to me, and she is always pampering Tina. But in fact she cares greatly about all of us.

Obviously there were no surprises with Emmett, he was the most sincere of us all. So the mind reading with him was not much fun, because he always says what he thinks. He keeps me busy anyway, testing the limits of my gift all the time. Sometimes I believe he is having more fun with it than I am. But he did manage to train me a bit, I can hear through a wall now, if I know who I'm listening to. Theirs whispers became more familiar, and I learned how to tell them apart.

I was bored, filling in the hours of the night till I could see Jake again, too anxious to just sit down and read. A thing I always imagined myself doing if I had all the time in the world. I was wandering around the house, practicing myself in recognizing voices.

_My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath, a source of little visible delight, but necessary… _Bella, reading. I tried to feel which room she was in, as I strolled through the hall, pausing at every door. I listened and waited, till she reached the end of a page, and then I heard the page turn. Jasper's study. I got in front of that door and then heard some soft music through head phones. Edward was in there as well, listening to piano music without a spoken thought in his mind, except for a soft word of admiration now and then. I was pleased with myself. I walked up the stairs to look for a new challenge.

_Doctor Cullen, got some time to play doctor with me?_ Esme. I quickly tuned out again and descended the stairs. That was a part that took some getting used to. Finding out private things about my parents and my grandparents. I knew they were all vampires, highly sexual creatures, but somehow I think I expected them to just cuddle, never really gave it much thought. When in fact all four of them were… very active. In a more discrete way than Emmett and Rose, thank god, but active nevertheless. Emmett and Rose were in the cabin right now, had been there every night, thoroughly comforting each other. I didn't know where Alice and Jasper were, but I quit my detective game and left the house. I had no need to hear doctor Cullen examine his patient.

It was dark outside, but my night vision was flawless. I hunted an elk and drained it, not very enthusiastically. I only did it for Jake. He was trying his best, phasing every day, so I hunted every day, even though I didn't need so much blood. I sat down against a tree and listened to the noises of the night. I could almost hear every leaf in the forest if I tried to.

I focused on the scents as well. There was one faint familiar scent. Jasper. He had been here, or was still around here. I braced my emotions, not to give myself away and scanned the area for his mind.

_Oh Nessie, don't think I don't feel you doing that. You can't hide your feelings._

I was startled. He was onto me. Obviously I was just as successful in clouding as he was.

I didn't like him spying on me, so I teased him and recalled one of the favorite fantasies about me and Jake. I let the feelings that that brought along flow over me, freely.

_Why does she do that to me? Doesn't she know she hurts me?_

Hurt him? I never meant to hurt him. Of all people, never him. The lust was replaced with instant regret. I wished he could hear my thoughts.

Suddenly the leaves above me stirred and Jasper jumped out in front of me. He had been sitting inside that same tree I chose to lean against. Great. And here I was being all pleased about my super senses. Stupid girl.

"I'm sorry." he said, misinterpreting my disappointment, adding in his mind that he is obviously not welcome.

"Jazz. I'm only mad at myself for not noticing you there. I'm trying to be alert."

"Don't be mad. I'm good at hiding."

"Apparently." _In more ways than one_, my mind added sarcastically. He looked at me, puzzled by my new feelings.

He sat down in front of me. I was still so used to human poses that I keep them, even though I can just as well stand. Or climb in a tree.

He sighed deeply. Also a human habit.

"Look Nessie. This isn't working. We are both just fooling ourselves. You pretend not to hear my thoughts, I pretend not to notice your feelings."

I didn't know what to say to that. We sat in silence, but he waited for me.

"So we're being honest now?" _For once_.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No. Of course not."

"You're lying."

I looked down. I guess I was mad. Mad that he felt that way. That it interfered with our friendship. Mad that he pretended all these years that it was over. This thing between us.

"How long have you felt this way?"

Now he was silent, but I could hear him arguing with himself in his mind, whether to be honest or not. My annoyance grew. I knew this wasn't easy on him, but he just told me we were fooling ourselves and now he is contemplating on being dishonest with me.

"Never mind," I interrupted his turmoil and jumped up.

"Why are you doing this Ness?" he was in front of me again.

"Doing what?" I tried to sound detached. I wouldn't bother being open with him if he didn't.

"Can you maybe try _not_ to read me?"

"So we can continue with this make belief friendship we have?"

"It's not make belief," he whispered, "it's real."

"How can it be real if the honesty is a one way thing?"

"The mind reading is a one way thing as well."

"You read my emotions. So in gifts we're even now."

"You're mad that I kept my feelings from you."

"Yes."

"I'm not sorry. You finding out made all this mess." He moved his hand between us, indicating our relation as a mess.

"You're wrong. You being scared to be honest made the mess."

"Alright. I'll be honest. I love you. Okay? Always have. Just as much as I love Alice. I love you both. There. Feel better now?" He spat.

I never heard a declaration of love spoken with so much contempt. It hurt me deeply, and I felt my eyes tear up.

"I never asked you to. It's not my fault, is it?" I whispered.

"Of course not. Oh Nessie, look at this. All I seem to do is make you cry." He didn't reach over to hold me though.

I managed to keep myself from sobbing.

"I just want to be your friend," I said with a hoarse voice.

"How can we?" he looked at me pained.

"How can we _not_? You said you always felt that way. And you were always my friend, or so I thought."

"I was. I am," he interrupted.

"Then why can't you now? I don't care for the rest. If it's okay for you, then it's okay for me."

"You can't mean that. You can't be okay with it."

"So you don't even want to bother trying?"

"You still _want_ to be my friend then?"

I rolled my eyes. The message was finally getting through.

"Why else would I be pretending all week not to hear you. I just want you to be open with me. It hurts me that you want to hide."

"I'm used to it."

"I won't tell anybody."

"Not even Jake?"

"Not if you don't want me to. Yours will be the first mind I'm discrete with. They'll all think you're clouding anyway."

He nodded. "Alright. Let's try this then."

* * *

**AN: Do you think it'll work?**


	16. Chapter 14 Instinct

**Chapter fourteen: Instinct**

**JPOV**

**March 24, Friday**

Ness was sick. Or so we told the rest of the world.

Doctor Carlisle had let the school know that she wouldn't be able to go back this year.

And of course she hadn't been able to be intermediator between myself and William, so I had to see him every day now.

He was very worried about Ness, wanted to go visit her, but we convinced him it was something highly contagious.

After the first day that I phased, he sniffed the air when I walked into his shop, my shop. He didn't say anything though. But he eyed me suspiciously. All the time now. Or maybe he always had and only now I notice. I feel a little more hostile towards him myself, there's this alpha gene stirring in me, urging me on to fight the other alpha and take over his pack.

I didn't want a pack. Being a wolf with privacy was fantastic.

One evening I was unloading car parts in his garage. He was in the shop so I thought I was alone and didn't bother with too much clothes. But then I heard him snort behind me. I turned around, an engine still in my arms, and he was leaning against the doorpost, with a murderous look in his eyes.

"Feeling warm, Jacob?" He eyed my shirt and then blew out his breath, making a little cloud in the cold air. His look told me that he knew. And I suddenly realized I was holding an engine, an object humans don't carry around. I carefully put it down.

"It's rather chilly actually, but I keep myself warm working." I answered, pretending to be innocent. I didn't have to explain myself or my phasing to him.

Does an alpha have the right to forbid any other wolves on his territory? Was a fight inevitable? Or was this just my instinct kicking?

"Didn't your baby like your retirement anymore? Were you just a little jealous of our perfect bodies? This is _so_ midlife crisis of you." he said, and turned around again to go back to the shop.

I couldn't tell him the real reason, and I shouldn't care about what he thought on the matter. But I did. My growling wolf wanted to let him know that I was far from old and that I could easily take him and his little puppies.

And my wolf was dominant over human, so I went after him, pulled his shoulder and pinned him against the wall. He pushed me away from him, equally strong and spat "Hey wolf boy, if you can't keep you temper in check, maybe Nessie would be better off without you, I know you've broken up, and if phasing is your attempt to win her back, then it's pathetic!"

I stepped back, curiously "why would you think we're apart?"

"I've been following you. She's not sick. She just doesn't live with you anymore. She's back with her parents. Trouble in paradise. Time for a new wolf maybe."

Now I actually growled. "She's with Carlisle because he is a doctor, and I can reassure you we are _far_ from over, me and Ness are just getting started. In fact, at night we both have a good laugh at the silly crush of this puppy," I sneered.

That was too much for him, I pushed him too far. He started shuddering and if I didn't fix this, my garage would be demolished.

So I put my hands on his shoulders, firmly and said "I'm sorry. That's not true. She is fond of you and wouldn't do that."

He glared at me, but the shudders faded. Phew.

He shook my hands away and left the shop, out to the street, went straight for the forest. I think he was mad at showing his weakness for her. I was mad at myself too, how could I have said something so childish? I thought I was the bigger man here.

Guess not. All patience comes to an end.

I would have to take care of my temper, or someday I might actually end up fighting him.

The adrenaline still rushed through my veins. I should probably phase and run before meeting Ness tonight. Otherwise I won't be able to stop myself.

Almost. A few more days. I was so sick of watching her without being able to hold her. I was even more sick of not watching her, going home alone.

But I was a good boy. I ran my frustrations away, and went over there. Sitting in the couch. Being good. On the outside at least.

Another movie night. I had no idea which one. I couldn't even see her, she was on the other side of the couch.

I stood up to go to the bathroom, just to catch a glimpse of her face. Her eyes were following me. The bathroom is upstairs, next to Nessie's room, as she was the only one ever needing it.

When I got out again, I saw a blurry movement and was shoved against the wall. I instinctively wrapped my arms around her as her cold lips were on mine and didn't care about anything else anymore.

I kissed her back passionately, asking her in my mind to be careful. I could handle a little roughness, gladly, but I didn't want to shed a drop of blood now. She released her death grip a little, but kept pressing her body against mine.

Somehow I noticed a bunch of vampires around us, looking uncertain about what to do, discussing. They could try to keep us apart again, but it would be in vain. The smartest thing they could do right now was to avert their eyes.

I didn't have to think to her that I wanted her, she could clearly feel that. In fact she was bucking her hips against my erection, right in front of her parents. I was too far gone to care.

The fact that they still hadn't interrupted gave her courage, and she pulled me into her bedroom and slammed the door shut. She used my body to do that, and was pressed up against me once more. Clothes were shredded and for the first time, I laid my hands on her vampire skin. It was smooth and cold, but I still managed to give her shivers as my fingertips moved over her.

"I can feel so much more now. And I want to feel so much more," she breathed. God I had missed her so badly. This was the bedroom that belonged to Nessie when she was growing up, it still contained only a single bed. But we didn't make it that far.

I took over control and lifted her up. She held on with her new strength. I didn't even have to lean her against a wall, but I did anyway, to push my body against her with more force. There would be plenty of time for cuddling later. Right now, we both wanted it rough, and I, the fragile one, had to be in control.

I almost growled when I entered her in one swift movement. She still felt as tight as ever. I gasped at her coldness, and she shivered in my arms, relishing in the heat. I pulled out and pushed into her again, with force. She liked it, she even begged for more, softly in my ear.

And here I was, wondering for weeks if the chemistry would still be there, both of us a different creature now. There was definitely enough chemistry here. The explosive kind.

I thought to her I wouldn't last long, and she said "don't hold back love, we've got eternity but right now I want you to take me, I'm yours."

That was all I needed. My hips bucked wildly, almost banging her against the wall and her soft moans became cries. Neither of us cared about being overheard. I kissed every inch of her skin I could reach, gripping her hips with my hands, groaning. Her cold body on my sensitive parts made me go on longer than expected. I kept thrusting into her, hard and fast.

I didn't expect her to come in this position; as she said, we did have eternity for that. But her cries became more high pitched and she breathed "don't stop, almost there, go on baby, right there" so I tried to keep myself from coming a little while longer. I was so close and I couldn't drop the pace because she pleaded me to keep going. Just when I thought I couldn't hold it anymore, she gripped me tighter, crying out and quivering violently. And I came with her, growling.

I stumbled to the bed and collapsed there, pulling her on top of me. I thought with a smile that she still comes the same way she used to when human, and she smiled with me. Her warmed hands wiped my wet hair from my face, and she watched me as I caught my breath.

"Could you just _pretend_ to be panting as well?" I asked. She chuckled, and lay her head down on my chest, listening to my fast heartbeat. I wondered if she had any craving for my blood, and she answered by shaking her head just a little. Good.

"Jeez Ness, what was that! Think it will always be like this? Or was it just because it's been so long?"

She lifted her head and grinned at me wickedly "There's only one way to find out, wolf boy."

"Wow wow. Mortal, remember."

"Right," she said, and kissed me softly on my lips. "I love you."

"I love you too. Did you hear my thoughts?"

"Nope. I was just a little preoccupied." She smiled sweetly "but I'll sure listen to your thoughts now," she said, and with a wink she lowered herself, trailing kisses on my body, further and further down.

She will be the death of me. And I like it.

* * *

**AN: Re-united. I hope you like...**


	17. Chapter 15 Threat

**Chapter fifteen: Threat**

**NPOV**

**March 25, Saturday**

At last he was so exhausted he was begging me for some rest. He was right, we would have eternity, but I just couldn't get enough of him. I decided to let him sleep and go hunt something. I still wasn't thirsty, but I needed to do something to stay away from him and let him recover.

This was the first time we've had sex in this house. Nobody likes to be overheard. Sure, the vampires are used to it, but for me it's a little more complicated, being the daughter of a mind reader, who can see the images in my lover's mind.

Tonight, I haven't once thought about the other vampires in the house though. So I was surprised when I stepped out of the room, to find one sitting against the wall, grinning at me.

"Hey Emmett, what are you doing here?"

"Keeping watch over a mortal wolf almost being killed by this vamp." His grin broadened. He looked like he was almost proud of me. I was glad I couldn't blush anymore.

"Oh," was all I could mutter.

"Yeah. Edward ran and then Carlisle asked Jasper to stay and monitor. But after the first round he bailed too, saying that if you hadn't bitten Jake during _that_, that you probably wouldn't. And he ran, probably banging Alice somewhere."

He didn't notice my mortification, and continued "and when both whimps left, I had to take over. Being the strongest," he added smugly.

"Um. Sorry."

"No problem sis. I can handle it. You gonna stay away from him for a while?"

"Yes. He's tired," I said with a small smile "Think I'll go hunting."

"Me too. I'll go hunt Rose."

So Carlisle had asked Jasper and Emmett to listen in. How embarrassing.

Should I apologize to Jasper or would that just make it worse?

Somehow I could understand their cautiousness. I had seen first hand how an attack can come out of nothing, and I would not survive if I ever should hurt Jake.

I thought back about the incident with Tina many times, and replaying it in my mind told me that there actually had been a warning. As soon as we got into the car, she turned rigid. I should have known the scent was too strong. Instead I had turned up the heating, so the air was twirling around in the car. I had misinterpreted. And she had failed to let me know she was struggling. Probably too ashamed. If I would hesitate one second, think about biting Jake, I would have a hard time admitting that too. Because it would mean we were back were we started, and I would have to be a lot more patient. Maybe that is why Tina didn't ask me to pull over either.

After I hunted, I subconsciously ended up at the same tree where Jasper had been hiding the other day. I sat down against it. He was there, I could smell his scent, but I didn't hear any thoughts.

After a while, when I didn't expect it anymore, he whispered "Please go away."

I whispered back "I'm sorry, Jazz".

He answered, a little more audible now "Geez Ness, don't be sorry for sleeping with your husband."

"I'm not sorry for that, I'm sorry Carlisle made you monitor."

"Could you… just go?"

I sighed and stood up. This friendship wasn't going to work.

I ran off, didn't want him registering my feelings as I was hurt once again. He was right. All he did was make me cry. But I'm sure he had to endure a little more than that tonight.

He followed me again. Sometimes he was confusing me so much, asking me to leave and then coming after me, making me cry and then comforting me again.

"What is it Jazz?", I said in the air.

He appeared in front of me again.

"I'm sorry I'm being such a jerk, Nessie. But tell me honestly, if you didn't know about me, would you have come find me now?"

"Um… Guess not."

"That's what I mean. It's not just me. You are acting differently now as well."

"I just don't want to hurt you."

"It doesn't hurt me that you are happy with him. I like to see you happy. He's better for you than I would ever be. You're made for him, everybody can see that, so please don't feel sorry for me."

"When you say it's always been this way, do you mean since the affair? Because before we both agreed that this thing between us is something that comes and goes, and then after the affair, we never really talked about it anymore."

"Nessie... Vampires feelings don't come and go. They just stay."

"So this thing we had…"

"That was just me losing control."

"Acting on something that you felt before that?"

"Long before that."

"And ever since as well? All these years that I've been with Jake?"

"Yes, ever since."

"But how do you live with it?"

"It's easy. Both women I love are happy, I have no reason not to be. I am extra thankful that I get to be with Alice. And that…" He suddenly stopped, looking around us.

I heard in his mind "_Anger. Rage. Towards whom_?"

"Ness, run," he said, and grabbed my hand, when suddenly a cold voice said "one step and your superwolf get's hurt."

I froze. William. I recognized his smell now. And this was a wolf I didn't enjoy smelling.

He appeared from the forest, and Jasper instinctively stood in front of me. Even though I was the stronger one now. Of course he was the empath, and he believed me to be in danger, so I kept my distance from William. The boy scrunched his nose, hit by the vampire smell. He shouldn't be surprised, he was on Cullen property.

There were no more treaty borderlines, but still he was trespassing and threatening, so we had the right to fight him if he would attack. We even had the right to attack first, but I didn't think that was the best strategy. His thoughts were all over the place.

"William, calm down," I tried, when I saw that he was having trouble containing his human form.

"What have they done to you? They killed you" he mumbled confounded.

"They didn't kill me, William. I'm still the same."

"The hell you are! Who did it?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Ness…" he stepped closer to us, and Jasper tensed up, but let me step closer to William as well. He softly continued "you wanted to stay human. They took your life."

"No they didn't. I was born to be a vampire. I wanted _this_ life," I lied.

He didn't believe me, shook his head in denial.

"What about your class? It's the middle of school year, and you talked about it all the time. You didn't choose this. It's such a shame. You were the most amazing human. And now…"

"Now what?"

"Now you're a monster."

"You can't mean that, William. You got along fine with my dad as well."

"That was only for you."

Jasper's mind whispered to me "_Don't let him fool you with the sweet talk, he is enraged, and dangerous_."

"I'm not a monster, I never hurt anybody."

"I bet it was that newborn one, the freak." He ignored me, and now I could see the hardness in his eyes.

"William…"

"Where is she? I'll hunt her down and revenge you. She killed you."

"I told you she didn't. This is the life that was meant for me."

"No fucking way!" he yelled, and went straight for the house, where Jake was sleeping peacefully.

"She's not there. She doesn't live with us anymore," I said desperately.

He turned around and assessed if I spoke the truth.

"So you admit she bit you."

"_Don't answer that."_

"It doesn't matter who bit me. But if you want to talk to Tina about something, you won't find her here."

He lifted his finger and spoke threateningly "I'll hunt her down. I swear to god, even if it's the last thing I do, me and my pack will find her and I'll kill her myself."

At this he phased and ran, leaving only shredded clothes behind.

* * *

**AN: The secret's out... What do you think will happen now?**


	18. Chapter 16 Slow

**Chapter sixteen: Slow**

**JPOV**

**March 31, Friday**

When I woke up, after many hours, I felt very satisfied. And very relieved. I knew it had been irresponsible, but I really felt like we didn't have another choice. And I also didn't want to apologize for it. I have endured listening to Emmett and Rose enough to be shameless for just this once.

Well, more than once actually.

I think she proved to be immune to bloodlust. As a human, she did have a bit of a biting fetish, liked to put her teeth in my shoulder when hit with a massive orgasm, but if she could refrain from biting me this night, I think we will be good. Of course there's a risk, if I bleed in front of her for instance. But even then, I think I will manage to defend myself, push her back long enough for her mind to recover. And besides, being fully wolf protects me from clumsiness and heals bleeding wounds fast. I was ready to take her home. To start eternity with her.

At these thoughts, she stepped into the room with a smile and got under the covers with me. She was cold again, so kept her clothes on. I was glad we had a bathroom with shower adjoining our bedroom at home. I planned to warm her skin there every night before taking her to bed.

"You can warm me in other ways as well."

"Sure sure." I smiled at her.

"I thought wolves could handle the cold?" she mocked.

"I can handle cold all right. But I rather feel warm hands on me."

"You sure?" She asked with a wicked grin, and my breath hitched when she slid her icy hand into my boxers.

I closed my eyes and let her touch me, but tried to be reasonable nevertheless.

"Ness. Maybe I better take you home with me." _We can continue this there_, I silently added.

"I don't want to wait so long," she answered and smothered my response with a kiss.

"Then we'll park the car somewhere. I just don't like to be overheard."

"You didn't have a problem with it last night. Just one more."

My stomach growled loudly. Hungry.

"Right. Hungry wolf. Okay. We'll make it quick then."

I didn't protest anymore. She got me hard and already I forgot about vampire ears. And about my stomach.

In no time she had discarded her clothes and she kept her word, she did make it quick. She straddled me and rode me, while keeping her blue eyes intently on mine.

I had no doubt that she was listening to my mind. She wouldn't find much there. Just bliss, and words of adoration. It pleased her anyway, I saw her sweet smile just before I came.

"God Ness, I hope this never goes away."

"According to Rose it won't. But according to Emmett I'll kill you from exhaustion."

I laughed "You can kill me like that anytime, babe."

My stomach growled again. Seemingly in protest.

"Comon Superwolf, I'll fix you some dinner."

"Dinner? That late, huh?"

"Yeah, it was kinda morning when I let you sleep."

That day I got to take her home with me. In the car she told me about how William had found out about her, and had threatened Tina. She felt guilty for letting him believe that Tina was the one who bit her, and was worried deeply. But I was confident he wouldn't find her, if Rose and Emmett couldn't. We were all more and more convinced that Tina wouldn't come back. I'm sure Ness still thinks about her a lot, but she doesn't show.

Every minute I am awake, we tend to get distracted, lost in each other. Although I was slowly getting sleep deprived, I didn't complain. I was a fully active wolf now, and my hormones were flowing freely. It was not always her taking the initiative. It was however always me that needed food, or sleep, or go to work.

One day I took her with me to work, not wanting her to get bored at home, but we ended up in the back seat of one of the cars, to Edwards disgust. It was an expensive car that deserved more respect. Backseats of sports cars, if present, were too small anyway. We like to have a little space, so to say.

The first nights, she just stayed up to watch me sleep, but eventually always woke me up, saying that I just looked too hot to resist. After a few nights, when she could feel that I was getting very tired, she only stayed until I was sleeping, and then got back downstairs to read, or to talk to Jasper on the phone. She had been neglecting him a bit, and at nights they could make up for that, having endless discussions about topics that would put me right back to sleep if I should wake up.

On Saturday morning, instead of going over to the Cullens, we decided to stay home the entire weekend. We went grocery shopping, buying sandwiches and other food that didn't need much work, enough to last the entire weekend. She didn't plan on letting me leave the bedroom, she joked. When my stomach was filled we took a shower, me because I needed it, her for warming up, and then we got back into the bed.

This was the first time we weren't frenzied. We knew we had all the time in the world now, and we wanted to enjoy the other to the fullest. Wanted it to last a little longer now.

So we didn't kiss, as that would definitely bring us back to wild and passionate lovemaking. We just looked into each other's eyes and our fingertips were roaming over skin. Talking about how different it felt, for me to touch her, for her to be touched. My skin felt different to her as well. How being with me filled up her senses in ways she couldn't even imagine when she was a human. How scents can add to an erotic experience, how just hearing my heartbeat can make her happy. My senses were not as sharp as hers, but I understood, as a wolf, things feel different as well. I feel different.

We touched, kissed and licked all parts of each others bodies, carefully. Rediscovering. We both loved that we still smelled the same to each other, only more intense. A scent that brought back memories of years that have flown by. She told me how her sixth sense, the mind reading, made our contacts more intimate, and how she sometimes wished I could read hers as well. I think I know pretty much what I would find, she hides nothing from me. I don't think she even had it in her to do so.

Even though we were caressing as softly as possible, or maybe because of that, our bodies were going insane. I tried my hardest not to give in.

Eventually I gave in some, climbing over her and slowly entering her, but not entirely. I was still gazing into her eyes, silently asking her to keep still, and my hips were rolling, slow and steady. Nevertheless, after a long time of moving like this, our muscles were tightening. We could both feel the climax closing in, even though we never gave in to the speed our bodies begged for.

My breath was irregular, shuddering almost. Her arms were not around me, I could hear her nails shredding the sheets as she bit her lower lip. I recognized that. My frequently marked shoulder itched at seeing her expression. It knows what will come next.

"_Do you need a pillow, honey_?" I mentally asked. The time for talking had long passed and was replaced by moaning.

"Pillow," she agreed, and tossed her head sideways, biting into the soft material. Good thing she doesn't need breathing. I kept the agonizing slow pace, when the first contractions of her climax were arriving. She wasn't quite there yet. I tried my hardest not to speed up, we were both so close, instead I pushed in deeper, every time.

Until she suddenly, without further warning, started quivering beneath me. She wasn't holding back anymore, nails tearing up the mattress, teeth in the pillow, strangled groans.

She lifted her hips from the bed, and bucked against me wildly, out of control. She pulled me over the edge with her, and I collapsed, exhausted, spilling my seed deep inside her.

Whispering her name in my mind.

* * *

**AN: Poor wolf? ;)**


	19. Chapter 17 Anonymous

**Chapter seventeen: Anonymous**

**NPOV**

**April 13, Thursday**

I wouldn't say that we were more in love than ever, because we always were. Just that our displays of affection were a bit more passionately. We still loved to cuddle, to be snuggled up in the couch, or just plain holding the other, whatever he or she was doing. But my vampire needs and his wolf needs were a bit higher than our human needs had been. Okay, a lot higher.

Maybe that's just because it's all so very new. But even if we would go back to making love several times a week, and being highly affectionate in between, I would still be happy.

Right now, we were more in the several times a day phase. I wonder if he'll be able to keep up, needing sleep and food. And working during daytime.

He sometimes pretends to complain, and then says that I'll need a job. We talked about it, vampires don't just have jobs. Some of us do, like doctor Carlisle and interior designer Esme, but I can't be a teacher that calls in sick every sunny day, and I had loved teaching. Besides, I still need to be careful with human contact.

Jasper came up with an idea he had found on the internet. I could be an online English teacher. Some kids can't attend school, because they are in a foreign country, or in the hospital, and they are taught by online teachers. They're given assignments, they can follow classes over the webcam if needed, their essays are corrected. The online study method exist for a while now, for college students. This was a job I had suggested to Jasper once. But we both weren't interested in that, as these students are considered numbers, very anonymous, and the teachers don't develop a connection with them.

This internet high school is different. Every teacher is the private tutor of about five kids, teaching different subjects, and building a personal bond with them, without ever actually meeting them. Jasper pointed the job out to me, and when I told him he could do this as well, he suddenly saw the possibilities. Always thought of everybody else before himself.

We could both be colleagues. And then he got all excited with me. We both applied, and were impatiently waiting for the response.

In the mean time, I tried to develop some routine, to pass my new free time.

I hated to be separated from Jake, but I also minded to spend our weekend out of bed, and to neglect my family, so I found a compromise. I would visit them at night during his sleeptime. Mostly the nights at the Cullens were spent in silence, every couple or individual retreating and engaging in reading, music, or more intimate activities. During daytime, they sought each other's company and the evenings were usually for hunting. Thus developing a natural rhytm.

My visits didn't change that, so I had to choose with whom to spend my time, not all of them at the same time. Mostly I would end up with Jasper, talking or just reading.

Our friendship had gone back to normal. He didn't try to cloud his mind anymore and I found out that he really didn't have a problem with feeling what he felt towards me, and that he truly was happy, even though he could only be with one of both women he loved. This is the way life had been for him for many years now, and vampires have little desire for change.

During those visits, something odd happened, three times now. I got an anonymous call and when I picked up there was nothing on the other side. The caller didn't hang up though, he or she kept listening.

I figured it was William, who was having a hard time accepting my new life. And I felt really sorry for him. In his eyes, I had died.

I understood that. Bella had told me that Jake once felt the same way about her changing. Luckily he doesn't feel that way about me now.

The third time he called I had said his name, and he had hung up immediately. Busted.

I had no idea what he wanted. I'm sure hearing me say hello can't give someone a kick, even if he did have a crush on me. Jake said that he would kick his puppy ass if he bothered me again.

One of these days, both alphas will end up fighting, and if it's not for the phone calls, then it's for something else. And I prayed that Jake would be the stronger one. Normally he would, he's a natural, but now for some reason, he is a little sleep deprived.

When I told Edward about this, he agreed. Not with the sleep deprivation - I didn't tell him that - but with the fighting. That it would be inevitable. Both wolves were far from reasonable around each other. And in some way I could understand both of them. Their macho behavior makes them very rude and insulting, over the top sometimes.

During this conversation with Edward I heard something in his mind _"I don't think it's William calling though."_

"What? Who do you think it is then?"

He motioned for me to be quiet, lifting his gaze up the ceiling. Vampire ears upstairs.

_If you call Jake, do you hear him breathing?_

I nodded. I love to hear that, if I try really hard I can even hear his heartbeat.

_And those phone calls. Any breath?_

That got me thinking. I never heard anything. No sound whatsoever. I shook my head. It couldn't be William. But who then?

_Think Ness. Someone who wants to hear you but wants to stay anonymously. Someone who doesn't breathe. It's really not that hard._

And then it dawned on me. Tina.

I mouthed her name to Edward, raising my eyebrows and he shrugged, thinking: _Could be._

Now I couldn't wait to get another phone call from her. But if I would try to reach out to her, she would probably hang up again, as she had when I thought it was William. Or maybe she was insulted that I hadn't figured it out yet. But if she wanted me to find out, she would speak, wouldn't she?

"Why anonymous?"

_Maybe she first wants to find out if you're alone._

That makes sense. If Emmett and Rose would be near, and she would speak, they would hear her and go crazy. But why didn't she call them? Was she not missing them?

I found myself checking my cell every five minutes from that moment, but it stayed silent. For days to come.

Until now.

It rang and I almost jumped up to check the caller ID. Anonymous. My non-beating heart tried to speed up, and I ran into the forest. Far away from all ears.

If I would tell her I was alone, I better not be lying.

"Hello, this is Nessie."

Silence.

"I'm alone. You can talk," I tried.

What if I'm wrong, what if it's William after all? I tried to listen to any sounds, a breath, a heartbeat, but there was nothing. Still I decided not to say a word that would give Tina away, in case it still was William.

Would patience help?

Oh what the heck, I never had any patience, and definitely not now.

"Is that you Tina? Please talk to me."

Now I definitely heard a breath. She didn't hang up though. I took that as a good sign.

"I'm not mad at you. I just want you to come back. Come home."

More silence. I would just keep talking then. If she called to hear my voice, I would give it to her. Even if I was just rambling.

"I love being a vampire, you know? You should have told me it was such a blast. Oh, I think maybe you did. And Jake is so amazing! He's a wolf again now, to stay young with me forever. I think maybe if I had known how it would be, that I would have chosen eternity in the first place. I think I was afraid things would be different between us, but we are perfect now."

I couldn't say too much , still supposing there was a chance it was William after all.

"The only thing missing to make it complete is my best friend. If she would come back, my entire life would be perfect."

"_Oh Nessie_," she suddenly said, and the tears that had gathered in my eyes without me noticing were escaping.

I sobbed "Tina please don't hang up. Don't ever hang up. I can't loose you again."

"_I'm sorry. About everything. More than you'll ever imagine_."

"Don't be. Fate had this planned for me. We were stupid to get into that car together, we should have known, but it happened and we can't change it. Alice and Jasper and Carlisle were all exactly at the right time in the right place to change me. And I'm happy, really. I'm not saying it to make you feel better."

"_You're babbling_" she said, and I could imagine her face that looked at me as if I was something cute and funny.

"I missed you so much. At least leave me a phone number. Promise me you'll never ever disappear again."

"_I promise. It's been so hard. How are they?"_

"Missing you too. Just as much as I am."

"_Think they might be over me?"_

"Of course not, Tina, what a silly thought. I don't think they'll ever get over you if you don't come back. You miss them too, right?"

"_Yeah. But I wanted things to change, I don't want to go back to how we were_."

"I think they'll just about promise you anything right now."

"_Rose will rip my head off for leaving like that_."

"Probably," I chuckled "but she'll do it with love."

"_I can imagine. Boy, I must miss them really hard if I look forward to getting ripped to pieces. With love_."

"Everybody needs some passionate ripping once in a while," I joked.

"_You bet."_

I was amazed at how easy and relaxed this conversation got. I had started to believe that I had lost her, and now we were just picking up where we left, as if nothing had happened. I guess that's what true friendship is like.

"Oh! Guess what Tina? I'm a mind reader."

"_Get out of here! That's fucking awesome!"_

"I know, right! You got exactly the same reaction as Emmett did."

"_Emmett… Shit, I miss you all so much. I'm coming home right now. You don't think the Cullens hate me?"_

"No. They all understand, they feel guilty even, saying that they should have known we wouldn't stay away from each other. Guess we all made some mistakes. And your biggest mistake is staying away so long, don't ever do that to me again."

"_I know. I promise. Thanks for your blog, it kept me around. If I come back, you'll love me forever right?"_

"Forever."

"_I'm on my way."_

* * *

**AN: Tina's back!!! I hope you are all happy for Ness. :)**


	20. Chapter 18 Message

**Chapter eighteen: Message**

**JPOV**

**April 20, Thursday**

Ness woke me up in the middle of the night, almost jumping on top of me. I am slowly getting used to that and almost on automatic pilot I grabbed her close and rolled us over.

As my hands slid over her body, I realized she was dressed and I opened my eyes puzzled. She looked at me amused.

"Good morning babe, this is not why I woke you, although you are pretty tempting." she pressed herself against my boner.

"And whatever you did wake me for, can it by any chance wait a few more minutes?" my hands were already sliding into her pants, knowing very well that she can't resist me.

"Actually it can't" she groaned and crawled from under me, pulling me from the bed.

"Damn."

"Yeah. Later babe. Right now, I need you to phase and patrol at the Cullens. Tina's coming back."

"What?"

"She called me. She's on her way. We need to make sure she's safe. From William's gang. I'll get you some clothes there, please hurry now."

I stretched my muscles and got up, the news slowly reaching my brain. She didn't give me time to fully wake up, and pulled me to the backyard, ordering me to phase and follow her. Being wolf was actually welcome right now, it solves my hormonal problem.

I didn't witness their reunion, as I was running in circles around the house. There was no sign of William. Nessie didn't get much time to catch up with Tina, because Emmett and Rose ran out as soon as they recognized Tina's voice and claimed her. Quite literally.

Tina didn't complain. I guess they are back together now.

This was something different. There had been no explosive breakup. Although draining her best friend may have been earth shaking enough for Tina. I hoped this different breakup and makeup might lead to a different ending this time as well. To no ending that is. Just a stable relationship.

I loved all three vampires, especially Emmett and I wanted them to be happy, we all did.

I kept patrolling all day, while the sounds of the three of them were filling the forest all day as well. And finally the thing I had been waiting for happened.

I got a visit from a wolf.

I approached him but immediately sensed that it wasn't William. It was one of the younger ones, and his nervous behavior told me he was alone, probably alarming the other ones right now, so I phased, pulled on my pants and motioned for him to do the same.

It was a risk, because I was more vulnerable as a human, but I could phase again any second and I needed to talk to him, before William arrived.

He still hesitated, whimpering a little bit.

"You're on Cullen property. Phase or go. Or I'll call them out, there's too many of them and just one of you." I bluffed, I didn't know how far William was.

If he was on his way at all.

The boy phased and got dressed. It was Noah, the youngest. William sent his youngest wolf to patrol inside Cullen property, I thought angry.

"Is William coming?"

"Yes," he answered nervously, but I could tell that he was lying and I was relieved.

"Are you under alpha order?"

"Yes."

I nodded. This discussion would be useless if he couldn't talk to me or if he wasn't free to listen to my reasonable point of view. I had to find a way around it.

"Tell me what he ordered you. He probably didn't forbid you to repeat him. And remember you're trespassing."

The boy was scared now. He should be.

William led him to the enemy without protection, an enemy that consists of over ten members. Some alpha.

I could see that he was looking for an escape.

"Don't you dare running now, they'll catch you even before you are fully phased." I bluffed some more. He never saw a vampire in action, he would only know the stories. He believed me.

"He ordered me to patrol the leeches property, find the newborn, and alarm if I do. And don't leave my post."

"Have you alarmed yet?" He would do that either through his mind or by howling. The latter he hadn't.

"No. I'm not sure about the newborn."

"Do you know about the treaty?"

"Um. Yes."

"So you realize that you are allowed to cross the border, but you are not allowed to harm any of the Cullens? And that includes Tina."

"It would be self defense. Our tribe…."

"Coming here to kill a vampire inside her house is not self defense, Noah. And the Cullens will not see it as such."

He was uneasy, probably berating himself for not howling before he phased.

"Here's what we'll do. You'll run back to your pack and tell them what I just told you. If William will harm Tina, or any of us for that matter, the treaty will be broken, and we will hunt you and your pack down. Tell him to do the math."

He nodded.

"Now go."

T he boy quickly stripped and phased before sprinting out into the woods. They were really not that tough, the s e puppies, but they were under an order, and it wasn't them I needed to convince.

The following days I patrolled a lot, to my regret, because I certainly had better things to do. This gave Nessie more time to spend with Tina, so it was not all bad.

I sen t Edward over to the shop, to hear what was in William's mind. Apparently the message had sunk in, for now. He didn't plan any attack, but was waiting for Tina to come near the wolves ' territory and challenge her to attack them first, giving them an excuse to kill her.

We warned Tina not to go anywhere near that area, knowing how unnerving the arrogant boys can get and how short tempered newborns are. She rolled her eyes, irritated that she still is the newborn, while Nessie - being 'newer' - is treated like the rest of us. She admires Nessie's control greatly, but Ness doesn't want to hear any of it, saying that there isn't much bloodlust to control, so she is just lucky.

Now we knew the wolves wouldn't come back here, I could stop the constant patrolling.

One evening, when I entered the LaPush garage, I literally ran into William. It was past closing time and I hadn't expected him there.

"Watch out, old man."

"The only thing getting old is that attitude of yours."

"You're the only one having a problem with it."

"I'm the only one speaking my honest opinion. I'm sure you forbid your so called friends to talk back to you."

"They're not just so called friends. And I can't order their thoughts so I know what they think about me. And it might surprise you, but they _idolize_ me."

"They don't know any better. A good alpha doesn't send his wolves into the lions den without backup."

"Hear hear. _A good alpha,_" he imitated me, "I've been an alpha longer than you ever have, super wolf. Don't forget I know that the stories aren't true."

"And yet we both know it's in my genes. And if you don't behave, puppy boy, I can take over your pack, just like that." I snapped my fingers.

"They'll never be loyal to you. We'll just separate ourselves again and form a new pack."

"Then you'll have to leave this territory. Is your power that important to you? More important than our tribe?"

"My pack is."

"Your pack. I think you'll be surprised. I'm pretty sure they'll just follow the strongest wolf around. That's in _their_ genes. But if you must leave, be my guest, Tina's safe then. In fact, I'd rather you leave right now, so I don't have to scratch your pretty face."

"You are _so_ fucking arrogant! I'm not leaving without a fight. You might be surprised as well, younger wolves are stronger, everybody knows that."

"So you're stronger. Who cares? I told you, I'm the true alpha. I probably don't even have to fight you, to make them follow me instead. But if you're so keen on showing off, it will be my _pleasure_," I growled.

"Jacob, for Christ sakes listen to yourself."

I turned around, Edward was watching us and shaking his head. "You look like two baboons, hitting your chests and daring the other. I don't think Ness will like any of you both right now."

Me and William glared at each other. We both knew he was right, though.

But nevertheless, neither of us would give in.

I believed I was protecting Ness and her family, he believed he was protecting his pack and his tribe. We both had a greater cause than our own pride, a very important cause that tolerated no compromise.

I saw no other way then to fight him. Eventually.

* * *

**AN: How do you think about a fight?**


	21. Chapter 19 Plus Side

**Chapter nineteen: Plus side**

**NPOV**

**May 3, Wednesday **

_Two weeks later_

Edward warned me that a fight would be inevitable at this rate. His mind said "give him some rest, he'll need his strength." Damn.

First the patroling and now the rest. Good thing we have eternity.

And good thing Tina is back. I don't have to hold back with her anymore, now I'm a vampire, and we have a year worth of catching up to do. I think she was thankful to me as well, for stealing her away sometimes from Emm and Rose. If it were up to her, she would be with them twenty four seven, even though she knows she needs some space.

When I snatch her away, both vampires need to fetch for themselves again. Like they had when Tina was gone. In a way it was good that she disapeared for so long. Other breakups didn't last that long, and Tina stayed around, so they just kept focusing on her, instead of on each other. She wasn't jealous when they did, she needed them to. And all of us were hopeful that this time would be different. Just like we always had.

Me and Tina had the best of times, reading her was highly entertaining, just like Edward and Jasper had told me, she was all over the place. I knew she was impulsive and intense when I was living with her, but I didn't know her head was like a giant nest of bumblebees.

When I told her about this she was surprised.

"You mean it's not like that with everybody?"

"Absolutely not," I laughed out loud.

"Oh. I guess I'm used to it. Am I tiring you?"

"No. I can tune out if I like, but you're quite entertaining. Now I know what Jasper was talking about."

"I wish I had a gift like yours. I could go clubbing and read everybody there and mess with them."

"Maybe your gift is your… " I was looking for the right word to avoid insulting her, "...flexibility. Vampire's feelings don't change, and you can change all the time."

"That's not a gift. It's a curse. According to Emm and Rose."

"It can be an advantage as well. Vampires don't do well with change, they don't adapt easily, you on the other hand adapt quickly to any new situation."

"I guess, if you look at it that way."

"I do. I always liked your way of life. I can understand your lovers have a hard time, but I don't have a problem with it. It's just their problem right? But don't worry, you are so worth it."

She needed a lot of reassuring, after comitting the worst possible crime.

I hope she will fully recover and be the same old Tina again. The one that makes me laugh until we cry. I can feel her slowly coming back, during our girl time moments.

We can't have popcorn overloads anymore in our famous movie marathons, so we invented something else. We each hunted our favorite animal, for Tina it was bear - Emmett must have thought her - and for me it was fox. Then we collected the blood in sterile cups which we put in the freezer. During movie night we crushed it, and drank our favorite cocktail on the rocks. Other vampires were apalled by this, blood should be warm, but we told them it's like iced tea. We like our snacks during movies and they would just have to be open minded around us.

Crazy things just tend to happen if the vampire girls are having fun.

In the mean time, me and Jasper both got accepted in the online high school program and since we added in our application that we knew each other - having a back up could have been a plus - they appointed us the same "class". We will teach five kids who are about the same level and who will share a summer class. They will get to know each other as well, as they have some group assignments to finish.

There ar three tutors. I teach English, it is the only subject for which I have a degree. Jasper has all kinds of degrees and he will be teaching history, geography and science. The third, a fifty year old man living in Egypt, will teach math. I think that is the hardest subject for an online class.

I couldn't wait to be introduced to my "kids", as me and Jasper call them. The summer school will start in June, we have about a month to prepare our classes. We did get some information about them. It is quite a collection. At first I thought that a group of five kids is way too small, I wanted more. But now I saw the backgrounds of these students, I understand that there is a bigger challenge here than just correcting assignments. These kids don't have a normal childhood, none of them have actually been in a real classroom, except for Logan and Sophie, but that was a long time ago.

"I can't wait to start. I read all the obligatory books, and already collected optional reading material."

"Me too. I found this movie on the civil war that is quite accurate. And I thought about a group assignment for geography, as they all live or have lived in different parts of the world."

"I hope they get to be friends. I know how hard it is not being able to go to school. I wish I had something like this when I was growing up."

"Didn't like your private tutors, eh?" _I liked teaching you._

"Of course I did, you know that. It just would have been nice to have some friends my own age."

"Friends you could never meet?"

"Sure, why not?"

"I never went to school." _I wish I had._

"Not even as a human?"

"I worked at the ranch and when I was sixteen I went to the army with my older brothers. The war started when I was eighteen." _Jamie and Eric were killed the first month. Never saw mom and dad again._

"Why don't you even talk about your human life?"

"I don't know. There's not much to say. I was a simple cow boy and then a soldier. It's a long time ago."

"Still. I want to know."

"You always want to know everything," he smiled "I'm sure that's why you're a mind reader, because you are so nosy."

"And you're an empath because you were such a charming cowboy?"

"I was. Lot's of girls came to the ranch to watch me tame the horses." _Those were the days._

"I bet they did."

He looked dreamy now. "I was quite something back then. Not shy at all." _Maria messed me up big time._

"Really?"

"I'm a changed person now. Sometimes I wish I could still be so carefree."

"You still seem carefree to me. What's bothering you then?"

"Now, nothing. Just… things I've seen, things I've done. I can never lose that again." _Millions of horrible murders…_

"Sure you can. I think, this person you describe as your human self, I know him. That's the Jasper who is my friend. Who is charming and funny."

He looked at me and smiled lightly. _You really think that? _"Maybe you're right. Mabye you do bring out my former self. I wish I never met Maria…"

"If you look at it differently, you could say that if it hadn't been for your past, that you wouldn't have needed Alice saving you. She brought you here."

He was silent at this. Thinking.

_Maybe I needed the century of horror to find her and now spend eternity with her and if you look at it that way, maybe it was worth it. Or will be if I just have enough time to grow to my old self again. _"You've become even wiser as a vampire." he playfully nudged me. Still as careful as ever.

I chuckled "I don't think so. I more thought the other way around, that my brain had been degenerated during the change. There's not much left there, but…" I stopped mid sentence.

"But sex yeah, I noticed," he smirked, not hurt. _Naughty._

I just grinned.

"What is that? Is that a blush?"

"No way!" My hands went up to my cheeks and sure enough, they felt warmer than my fingers.

"Sure is. Poor girl, wait till Emmett finds out, he'll never stop bothering you with inapropriate remarks, just imagine, a _blushing_ vampire."

"Shit. Please Jasper, don't tell."

"I won't have to. He makes you blush anyway." _That's just Emmett._

"Jeez, what is it with me, first the eyes and the tears and now this. Before we know it my heart will be beating again."

"Jake will be glad. He liked your pink cheeks." _I love your blushing as well. Makes you even more beautiful._

"Yeah he did. Best of both worlds, I guess."

* * *

**AN: See how she tries to react only to what is said out loud and ignore all thoughts she picks up?**


	22. Chapter 20 Tired

**Chapter twenty: Tired**

**JPOV**

**May 11, Thursday**

I got back from work to find her cooking for me, just like she always had. And I walked over to wrap my arms around her, like I always had. Well, not exactly the same, because before I would let her finish the food. Now I turned off the stove and moved her around for a kiss. A long and intense kiss.

Eventually she pulled away and turned the stove back on. "You need food."

I simply put it out again. "I need you too." and I started kissing her neck, warming her back with my hot hands.

"Jake honey…"

"God Ness, if you are going to punish me much longer by letting me _rest_, then I'll fight William just to get it over with."

She chuckled, let the stove be and wrapped her arms around me. "I don't want you to fight."

"And I prefer not to think about those puppies now." I lifted her onto the counter, my hands sliding up her stomach, over her bra. She leaned back and in a second her shirt was gone, as was her bra. I was glad she was giving in, and I eagerly attacked, before she could change her mind.

"Maybe if you make it quick, I won't feel guilty."

"I don't want to make it quick." I said en mentally added _"I want to make you shiver."_ My fingertips were teasing her nipples and she closed her eyes.

"I can shiver later, honey."

"When? If you don't want me to fight him? How much longer do I need to rest then?" My hands were now roaming her thighs, feeling her flesh through her summer pants. She opened her legs a bit, inviting me to go higher.

"Can't you take over his pack without fighting?"

"I don't want to be the alpha." My fingers were stroking softly over her center. My touch was very light, but the fabric of her pants was thin, and I could feel her through it, putting a little more pressure on the right spot.

"It will come to that. You can't let this get out of hand. We'll all be safer if… if you are in charge." I noticed pleased that her voice was unsteady, and I continued my administrations, rubbing her through her pants.

"So if I tell you that I'll talk to the pack tonight, you'll give in then?"

"No, you'll definitely need to rest then." But her body told me differently. She did give in, pushing her hips forward, wanting more pressure from my hand.

I didn't want to tease anymore, I pulled her close to me, my arms around her, and pushed my body against her, growling in her ear "I want you now."

She groaned and kissed me.

"Alright," I said, pulling away from the kiss "I'll make it quick, and I'll have the food, and then I'll go over there, claim the pack, and when I come back, you better not make me rest anymore."

"I won't, promise" she grinned, and jumped off the counter to remove her pants, before hopping back on and pulling me close again. I was still fully dressed, and I started unbuttoning my shirt, but she told me to leave it. She planned on making it really quick. She unzipped my jeans, released my cock and pulled me close to her forcefully. Telling me to show her what I've got. I like dominant Ness.

I pushed into her, and I showed her alright.

She did tire me a little there, but then prepared me a dinner that made me strong again. I didn't plan on fighting tonight anyway. I don't know how I would get them to follow me as they obviously feared and respected William, and William himself sure wouldn't give in easily.

I drove to LaPush, wearing only sweatpants and a shirt, with spare clothes in the back. You never know when you'll need to phase on the spot.

Since the weather was nice today, I thought I would look for them at the beach first. And sure enough, there they were, harassing some young girls who were playing beach volley in their bikini's. Ethan and Andrew kept throwing their ball back and forth, enjoying the way the girls were bouncing up and down against them, trying to get it back. The sight was nice, I had to admit, but some of the girls were on the verge of tears, so they were not amused, and neither was I. My wolf was urging me on to interfere. And so I stepped in closer. I didn't know how I would manage to stop this childish behavior. I figured asking politely would have little effect.

I didn't need to ask anything however. As soon as the girls recognized me, they ran over to me with big smiles and started babbling about some fast cars in my garage back in Forks. Whether I wanted to show them around sometime, maybe even for a test ride. Their volleyball and tears were instantly forgotten.

I guess I got what I wanted, the childish game had no more use. The downside was that all four wolves were staring at me murderously as if I had snatched their toy away. Ha. Now they know how it feels. Wonder if they'll start crying if I dangle these girls in front of them, keeping them all to myself.

I had no such intention, in fact, we needed to get rid of girls, in order to have a man to man conversation. If needed wolf to wolf.

"Why don't you girls all get your parents permission, and then I'll bring you to my garage, and no cheating, because I know your parents."

I had no idea who they were, but I probably did know their parents, so technically it wasn't a lie. They ran off, giggling, and screaming about who will get to be in passenger's seat. Or in my lap. Hello-ow!. Married.

I rolled my eyes, and stepped over to William, who was still looking at me as if I was some dirt.

"Don't worry, I won't keep 'em, none of these can really compare to Nessie, don't you think?"

I tried to make it sound as a reassurance, but we both knew I only meant to rub it in that Nessie was mine, and his glare became even darker.

"What do you want? If you got something to say about the shop, do it, or leave."

"I'm not here about the shop. Let's go somewhere more private before kindergarten comes back."

They agreed – probably didn't want to witness more of their adoration, neither did I – and I followed them away from the beach into the forest.

I didn't know how to handle this situation, so I just tried to act strong and confident, in order to make the weaker wolves doubt.

"I'm here to claim the pack. From now on, I'm the alpha," I simply stated. My arms were crossed, and my feet planted firmly on the ground.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" William yelled, and he looked around at the other wolves for backup, but they looked at each other, asking "Can he do that?"

"Sure I can. I just did," I responded calmly.

"Yeah? Let's see then. Order something." He challenged me with a grin. I wasn't really sure that it worked, so I would not grant him the pleasure of a possible failure from my side.

"I'm not the bossing kind of guy. You can ask your dad. _My_ leadership is based on respect."

He looked around, bewildered, angry that the other wolves didn't cry out at this outrageous display of arrogance.

"They won't follow you. We've got an honor code."

"The hell with you and your fascist views William! Honor code, my ass. Where the fuck was your honor code when you sent him all the way over to the Cullens without protection. What if the newborn really had been dangerous? One inexperienced wolf can't handle a newborn, and definitely not when her entire family is there to protect her."

He was startled at my outburst. And the wolves behind him were hesitating, looking at William puzzled, probably wondering for the first time if maybe it wasn't a wise decision to go over to the Cullens alone.

"Noah was just patrolling, and he could alarm me any time."

"From his grave yeah. It's over William, you had your fun. But you're no longer putting their lives at risk."

He started quivering and I prepared to phase. I would make sure that he phased first, to show the boys that I was just defending myself.

I felt strong, dominant, and extremely powerful. I knew then that I was right, I had taken over, the alpha blood coursed through me.

And William wasn't confident at all. He was panicked, insulted. He must know as well. He was just fighting for his pride, and he would lose that too. He would have phased a while ago if he hadn't been scared.

"Don't do it, William. We both feel it. You don't want to run, this is home to you."

"I'm not running, you bastard!"

"You will when I'm done with you."

"No. You will lose this fight or kill me instead."

"Oh don't be so dramatic. I'm just taking charge. That's all. No harm done. Just from now on you're no longer bossing them around, and if needed I will use my power. Otherwise I won't."

"I'm not letting a leech lover be my leader."

"If I'm not mistaken, you are quite a leech lover yourself, puppy. And I really don't see your problem. If you guys are truly friends with an honor code, sure it wouldn't matter who's the boss? Now you can all three be equal. Or was it really just about power for you, William?"

The boys looked at him now. Wondering if I was right, if they were only friends because he could order them around.

William on the other hadn't heard that comment. As soon as I called him on his feelings for Ness, he shuddered violently and right before he lost it he growled "I don't love her".

I phased on the spot with him, and I immediately heard.

_I don't love her anymore. _

So it was true. I was the alpha now.

Both other boys phased as well, to be able to communicate with William, but I instantly thought to them '_Stay back'_, using all my superiority. They immediately stepped backwards, and when William heard me, and saw their reaction, he knew what it meant.

_Don't do it, William. You know I'll win. They have no choice but to be loyal to me. Or leave their homes and families with you. What will they choose? Will you make them choose?_

_You can't order me to follow you._

_I won't order you. But you are a part of my pack now, and I'll take care of you anyway. And them as well. _

Their minds were blank, dumbfounded about what had happened and how easy it had been to throw their hero off the throne. I was careful not to think any low thoughts about William when they could hear me.

Somehow I felt immediately protective over my pack, and I instinctively knew that peace was the most important at the moment. I didn't feel hostile towards William anymore. I just wanted them to trust me. I'm good at this. A natural. And I keep both families safe. Nessie's family and my new family.

These thoughts must have leaked through, because I saw the wolves slowly nod in agreement.

Not William of course, but he eyed me curiously, asking himself if I was serious.

My diminished hostility didn't lower his, he was the defeated alpha, and dominant wolves can't just deal with that. He had three choices now. Accept me, fight me or leave LaPush.

I phased back and I said "Think about it, William," before I turned around and stepped away.

I knew this was a risk, never turn your back on your enemy. But if he would attack me now, when I was an unsuspecting human - not entirely unsuspecting of course, I prepared myself to fight back - he would look even weaker than if he chose not to fight, he would look like a coward.

I was hoping he would keep that much pride and challenge me properly if he wanted to fight.

* * *

**AN: Cheers for the natural alpha ;-)**


	23. Chapter 21 Alpha

**Chapter twenty one: Alpha**

**NPOV**

**May 12, Friday**

I was waiting for him, anxiously. I should have more faith in him. But William was young, strong, smart and sly. And he would be prepared to fight dirty, whereas Jake's diplomatic side would want a gentle agreement.

Either way, gentle or violent, if Jake would take over the pack, William would not just let it be. He'll fight back. He'll ask his friends to do the same. There's four of them.

Maybe I should have gone along for backup. I proposed this several times, but he said that the vampire smell would make any diplomacy impossible and he had a point.

So now I was pacing through the house. I already had a cleaning fit, but with my vampire speed, the entire house was shining even before he could have reached the other wolves. I was calculating in my head how long he was with them now, but there was really no point, because I didn't even know if he had found them already. If they were patrolling somewhere, he would have to phase and search the woods.

I called up Jasper, and talked for a few minutes, but then figured to keep the line open, in case he would try to reach me. Jasper told me that Carlisle was home, so if needed he would be over in two minutes, but that he was sure Jake would be okay. I wish I was so certain.

When I heard his car reach the driveway, I was on the front porch in an instant. Relief washed over me. He was still wearing the same clothes he had left in, so there had been no surprise phasing.

I watched him get out and slam the door shut. He walked over to me, and I saw him move as in slow motion.

There was something about his walk that told me he had succeeded. And pride rose inside me. He was the alpha now, had overpowered the wolves and taken charge. I didn't need to read his mind to see that much. He looked so confident, strong, and so – very – hot.

When he reached me, he didn't speak, he just pulled me against him for a searing kiss. Devouring me.

He didn't hurt me, he couldn't, but even as a human I don't think I would be in any pain, despite the unrestrained passion.

I wanted to ask him how things had played out at the rez, but concluded that now was not the time for talking. My alpha man was on a high, his eyes were dark and wild, his strong grip feral.

I had him growling possessively before, but this powerful wolf did more than that, just by looking at me. He owned me. Simple and true.

And although his hands and his kisses brought up raging primitive feelings inside me, his gaze alone was taming me.

We didn't make it inside the house, my clothes were shredded from my body in one swift movement. His clothes were ripped off as well. Good thing we don't have any neighbors.

I wasn't frightened, he didn't seem dangerous or violent, just dominant.

And it was so fucking _sexy_.

He turned me around and stepped forward, pushing me in front of him until my hips were against the porch fence.

I could feel his hard on pressed against my naked butt and he softly growled in my ear "I love you Ness, but right now, I just really need to take you, _hard_."

Instead of answering I opened my legs a little further and bent over the railing slightly, pushing my ass against him.

He grabbed his cock and slid it between my legs, back and forth, over my wet center. He growled again, surprised at how his predatory attitude turned me on so much. And then he thrusted himself inside me, hard and deep.

I moaned and gripped the railing with both fists, as his warm hands pushed down on my lower back, bending me over further and holding me tight.

He slowly slid out again and the back in, fast, forceful. Again and again, until my moans became whimpers. I was at his mercy. Surrendered.

He reached over and pulled my shoulders back up, softly. This tenderness was in sharp contrast to the continued wild pounding of his hips against my butt. I stood up right, my back against his chest, not quite able to keep myself up, but he held me in his strong embrace, close against him. One arm was wrapped around my stomach, with his other hand he kneaded my breasts, all the while he was kissing and biting my neck.

Even if he hadn't been inside me I would be in heaven right now, so turned on by his relentless and passionate behavior. But I was beyond bliss because he _was_ inside me, and he was hitting the right spot with every hard thrust, and I came undone, trembling against his chest.

I gave in completely, never felt this trusting, this tamed. God I never knew I wanted to be tamed so badly until now.

And he… he never seemed more powerful. More wolfish.

He wasn't finished when my climax ebbed away, he just kept on thrusting into me, he kept hitting that same spot, merciless, until a next orgasm shook me, and his grumbling and groaning against my neck told me how pleased he was with my reaction.

I lost track of time, of space, of any sense of reality, all that was left was him and me, the colliding of our hips and his mouth and hands on my body.

His movements were speeding up now, he wasn't pushing as deep anymore, but kept slamming into me with a savage pace, until he released his grip on me, and both of us grabbed the railing as he pushed deep inside me with one final thrust.

I could feel him shuddering and groaning through the many waves of his orgasm and then finally he stopped moving, both of his hands went to my hips, locking him deep inside me.

I felt as if his powerful heartbeat resounded over the entire forest. Announcing the return of my superwolf.

He released me, turned around and slid down against the porch fence, panting hard, his head resting against the railing. I did the same, all vampire power seemed to have left me.

He tilted his head a little, without lifting it, to look at me and when he opened his eyes, he chuckled.

_Look at that blush, is there anything more beautiful in this world than my Ness with an aftersex glow._

At this thought I blushed even more. He looked quite beautiful himself. I leaned in for a soft and tender kiss. A short one, because he was still panting heavily.

"I guess you're the alpha now?"

"You felt that huh?" he asked with a smile.

"Sure did. Boy if I knew this was going to happen, I would have sent you off much sooner."

"So you're not mad? I wasn't exactly a nice lover."

"Yes you were! You can take me like that anytime, babe."

"I thought you liked to be in control."

"Guess not. It was quite… liberating."

He chuckled.

We got inside the house, took a shower and got into bed. He told me about his takeover in great detail. Still couldn't believe how easy it had been. How naturally it came to him. How the sudden rush of simply _knowing_ had coursed through his veins. I had witnessed the result of that. Alpha blood.

Surprisingly enough, we weren't satisfied yet. He spent the rest of the night making sweet love to me. I think he was shaken a bit by his rough behavior earlier and wanted to compensate. I like all kinds of Jake loving, I'm game either way.

The next day we went over to the Cullens and told them the news. He repeated the story, and most of them were pleased that he hadn't need to fight William. I was very proud of my man. Emmett said he should have fought him anyway, teach him who's the boss for real, but we all agreed that it would be easier to get William on his side if he didn't have to humiliate him.

Nobody doubted who would have won such a fight, I could hear in their thoughts that they all noticed the change in him. His posture, his movements, it spoke of power.

Tina even thought to me _Too bad you're not into sharing like Rose is, because I'd definitely like a piece of that wolf of yours._

At this Emmett teased me "You're blushing again, who was it?" And when Tina laughed out loud he turned to look at her. "Naughty!" he said, but he just looked proud. _That's my girl_.

* * *

**AN: Um, yeah. Let me know what you think... :)**


	24. Chapter 22 Careful

**Chapter twenty two: Careful**

**JPOV**

**May 18, Thursday**

I hadn't phased all weekend. Gave William some time.

I decided I would only phase after seeing him as a human first. This approach would be less direct than suddenly appearing inside his head. So on Monday I went over to the shop, as if it was just another ordinary Monday.

I was glad to find him alone. The presence of his younger 'brothers' didn't make for an improvement of his behavior.

I promised myself and Nessie to play nice. Not let him provoke me. No matter what.

"Hey William. How's business today?"

He eyed me suspiciously. Too cheerful? Let's go for a different approach.

"Edward would like to go shopping for car parts in Seattle this week, care to join him?"

"You coming too?"

"Don't know yet."

"Then I don't know yet either."

"Look, William, do you want to keep working here in the garage?"

"Are you threatening me with the job now, cause I don't…"

"No no," I quickly interrupted, "I mean, if it's this hard for your to work with me, we might need a different solution."

"We had a solution, send Nessie again."

"I thought we killed her in your opinion?"

"I can have an open mind."

"Okay, that's good I guess."

"I want to keep this job," he said, not pleadingly or daringly, just plain and simple.

"It's yours, I'm not taking it away."

We stood in silence, looking at each other. Both assessing the atmosphere and the risk for trusting the other. I was the first to break the silence.

"Did you think about the pack?"

"Yeah. A lot."

"And?"

"Did you mean that, about wanting to protect them too?"

"Of course."

"What if the newborn would pose a threat? Where will your loyalties lay?"

"If she would be dangerous, they would take her away. She lived in Alaska for a year and she's under constant supervision. We want her to behave as much as you so. And so does she. So keeping you safe is being loyal to her as well. No conflict of interests there." I intentionally said _you_ instead of _them_.

He noticed and nodded.

"Alright. I'll stay. But I have some conditions."

He wasn't in any position to state the terms, but I would hear him out first. "Tell me."

"I don't want you to use alpha order on me."

"I'm not a fan of alpha order. Only when I believe it's necessary for everybody's safety. So don't worry, I won't pull a power trip on you."

"And I don't want you in my head."

"That's kinda hard, is it."

"No it's not. Just don't phase when I'm phased."

"Now how would I know that?"

"Allow me to phase back, whenever you appear."

"Okay. I don't really get it, because if we agree to be a pack, we need to trust each other."

"Well I don't trust you, I'm only staying for my brothers, I'm not abandoning them."

"You want to keep looking after them?"

"Yes."

"Because they need it, or because you need it?"

"Both, I guess."

"I see. Well, I was thinking about making you second in command. I think it would be a logical choice. But I don't really see how, if you are going to avoid me."

"We'll talk human, like now."

"But you don't want me to come here. We can't arrange pack business through Nessie. I don't want her involved in this. She's still a newborn herself."

"You're right. Okay. I'll try. I'll come to Seattle for the car shopping."

"Good. Now, what do your brothers think?"

"About what?"

"The alpha thing. You were in their heads so you know what they think."

"They trust you," he admitted reluctantly.

"Good. Fighting over something that is set by ancestry for generations is only a waste of energy." I really meant this for him.

Things wouldn't lead to a fight, the way they seemed now. But I had to say this anyway.

"So you don't want Ness involved. But I can still see her, right?"

"Sure sure. If we're going to be a pack, she'll meet all of you soon enough. What do you say we discuss wolf stuff on Saturday, during the ride to Seattle and then call a pack meeting with the younger ones?"

By letting him know he was more important in decision making than the other wolves, I showed that I meant it, about making him my right hand. Hard as it is.

I still don't like him. And his infatuation for Nessie.

"I told you I don't want you in my head, and that means no discussing pack stuff in front of the mind reader either."

Smart kid. "So we'll go without Edward."

He thought about this. I regretted proposing it too. A whole day of him and me being stuck together. But then he surprised me and agreed.

The next days I didn't push my luck with him, I sent Edward to the shop.

On Thursday, I even showed him my good will, and I let Ness go over there. She wanted to meet him, and prove that she was still the same, but I didn't let her go to the rez alone, I drove her there, just to be safe.

She stayed inside way too long for my liking, but I didn't get in to take her away, as that would undo the good of bringing her in the first place. So I waited.

When she came out again, she told me they had a good talk, and repeated what she could remember. To her, it seemed as if William was actually somewhat relieved to not be the alpha anymore. It had felt like a too heavy responsibility, believing that the vampires were dangerous, and needing to keep the entire tribe safe. Deep down, he knew I was the right person for the task, having the trust of both natives and vampires, plus the experience, and he was relieved I wasn't such a jerk anymore. Which was funny, because I always thought that _he_ was the jerk.

"I think you both had your moments," Ness chuckled.

"So how was he now? Still arrogant?"

"No, not at all. I think he was a little afraid of me. I might have dislocated a door by accident."

"You're such a show off."

"I always wanted to do that. Scare the little puppy," she grinned.

"You're wicked."

"It helped. He was just nice, the old William again."

"Only more mature and handsome."

"Right," she smiled.

"So you think he's good-looking, huh?"

"Those were your words."

"You didn't deny."

"Jake, you're the alpha now. Don't tell me you still feel threatened by him."

"I never felt threatened. And you never cared for pack positions."

"I don't. And I do think he's good-looking, but I don't care for that either."

"Just checking, honey."

"You know I could say the same about all those young girls that are chasing after you in the rez."

"They're kids, Nessie."

"Exactly my point. So is William."

"You're right. Let's drop it."

"Thank you," she said, and leaned over to kiss me. In fact, she crawled over, on my lap, and kissed me passionately. I only just managed to pull over the car.

"Careful babe. You're immortal, but my car isn't."

"You've got plenty of cars," she answered and continued kissing me. A true Cullen indeed.

We were only a few minutes away from home, but I didn't protest. With me being wolf and her being vampire, the passion between us was searing.

And the alpha thing only made it worse. Or better I should say.

* * *

**AN: What are your thoughts about William?**


	25. Chapter 23 Blushing

**Chapter twenty three: Blushing**

**NPOV**

**May 19, Friday**

I was at the Cullens today, preparing some assignments for my class which started in two weeks. Jasper was helping me out, by searching the internet. All questions that he found an answer for on the net, were replaced by other questions. No cheating in my class. He finished most of his assignments so didn't need my help. Alice, Carlisle and Esme were there too. The others were at the garage. My productivity would probably increase if I wasn't distracted all the time by the thoughts that I randomly picked up, but being alone is not my thing, so I chose to work slow instead.

_I haven't heard from the Denali coven in a while. We should invite them over, to thank them for their hospitality towards Tina, Emmett and Rose._

Carlisle immediately discussed this idea with Esme, who was instantly enthusiastic.

"You're not paying attention."

"Sorry, it's hard. With the super hearing. And the mind reading adds to that. I begin to understand Edward, there should be an off button."

"I agree. Because right now, I'm doing all the work here." _If you had an off button, I didn't have to guard my thoughts all the time, I would work faster too._

"Aren't you distracted by your gift?"

"Not anymore. Now it comes naturally to me. Imagine a color blind person, suddenly seeing everything, asking you how you can handle all the colors in a landscape, or in a crowd. You're simply used to it." He shrugged.

"I guess so."

Some thoughts however I wouldn't get used to. Private thoughts that I'm not supposed to hear.

"Now look at this. These are the answers I found to question number seven. They're not complete, so if you add some sub questions, they shouldn't be able to find it."

"Thanks Jazz. Can we leave it at that for today? I'm not in the mood anyway."

"Sure." He saved our file and closed the laptop. _She's tired of me. I should probably go._

"Let's just talk some," I said.

He smiled at me. _Alright, I won't go_.

"I met William yesterday."

"That would have been interesting. So how was it?"

"Surprisingly good. He was nice, nothing more."

"Of course he was. He's always nice." _to you_ "But how were his thoughts?"

"His thoughts were nice as well, nothing to worry about. He was a little scared though. I think I showed off a bit." I grinned.

"I bet you did." _I can just imagine you throwing that puppy around_.

I cracked up at this image and he laughed along.

_Wish I could make him laugh like that._

My smile vanished and I looked at Alice, suddenly feeling guilty. Alice had no idea I heard, and she continued reading in her fashion magazine. Jasper looked at me questioningly.

I continued as if there hadn't been an interruption. "I was surprised a bit that William didn't seem to have a problem with losing his alpha status."

"That's odd."

"Yeah. I think he was relieved that he wasn't in charge anymore."

"I thought he loved the power. You reckon he was pretending for you?"

"No. He doesn't know I'm a mind reader. These are not things he said, but that I picked up."

"He doesn't know? That's interesting. You could question him."

"I'm not sure how much I'm ready to find out."

"Not on his plans with you," _I'm sure that little pup would just love to…_ "On his plans with Jacob I mean."

"Oh... You know, I really don't get why strong men as yourself and Jake feel threatened by an eighteen year old," I said, teasingly.

"Well, wolves are possessive and jealous." _He's not exactly crazy about me either, is he?_

"Really? He doesn't show." I meant that about both his statements.

"Good." _I feel it anyway_.

He doesn't need to be jealous. He should know I'm all his. I show him enough.

"In any case, William is not jealous. I even had the impression he loosened up on his hostility towards Jake."

"Must be Jake's dominating alpha genes."

I blushed at his choice of the word dominating and he noticed.

_So he's dominant, huh?_

I was saved from answering or trying to ignore that, when Emmett busted in. Followed by Tina.

"Ness! Guess what! He took me for a ride in the Bugatti, what a rush!"

"Tina, we can run faster than that car," I chuckled.

"I know, but still, there's something so sexy about a machine that is so powerful."

"And that has such expensive leather seating," Edward added, stepping in with an angry look on his face.

"Relax bro, if you took a second longer to look into our minds, you would see that all the action was _outside_ the car."

"I choose not to look at all, thank you very much."

_We so would have shredded it to pieces if we did that inside the car._

Edward cringed at Emmett's addition and I laughed. Sometimes the mind reading is kind of fun.

Not all the time however.

That night was movie night, and Edward and Bella were taking a beach walk. This is the perfect opportunity for Emmett to taunt me. He can't get enough of the blushing vampire act, and he tries his hardest to make me shy whenever. Purposefully using thoughts that I don't care to repeat if anyone asks me why I'm blushing.

I was in the couch between Jake and Jasper, and Emmett chose a different couch, from where he could check his success rate.

I tried to focus on the movie, but every now and then, some thoughts were leaking through anyway.

_Hey Nessie, do you want to know why Tina enjoyed the ride so much? __That girl just loves to give head while driving. She's a wild thing! There you go. One point for Emmett._

Damn, focus on the movie again.

_Soft lips are open, knuckles are pale. And the faster I drove that car, the harder she sucked, I love that bugatti. _

I gave him an angry look, but he just smirked at me. Jasper turned his head towards me and raised his eyebrow.

Great, blushing cheeks and an audience.

_You should try it too sometimes Nessie, I bet Jake would appreciate that very much._

Yuck Emmett, you're my brother, you shouldn't think things like that.

_Or take a ride with both of us. I know Tina would love to repeat that make out session you two once had and who am I to deny her?_

"Emmett, do you have to? I'm trying to watch the movie here." My empath hero to the rescue. I sent him some thankfulness.

_Anything for you babe. More than you know._

Now I blushed again and this time Emmett raised his eyebrow. Wonderful.

_Sorry. _Jasper added.

I tried to relax and focus on the movie again. But now I wished Emmett would distract me from the realization that hit me.

I realized that Jasper was getting to me.

I know I said that if he could live with it, I would too. But I'm not used to being adored so much.

Of course Jake adores me, but I'm allowed to fall for him, right? I'm not allowed to fall for Jasper. Not again.

But he was getting to me anyway. He didn't do it on purpose. Every time he thought something sweet about me, it was all spontaneous, but that made it all the more real.

I looked at his hand in his lap. The skin that was marked with scars, just like the rest of his body. And I found myself wanting to take that hand in mine. I wanted to give something back to him. Even though it wasn't enough. Even though he had Alice and was happy. And these thoughts were dangerous.

Ever since me and Jake were together, I never looked at anybody that way again. And I have no need to. We are perfect together and he gives me everything I want.

But Jasper…

I don't know what it was about him. It confused me.

And he could feel it, because he wasn't paying attention to the movie either.

_What is she feeling? She's all over the place. Is it something I said? Usually when I feel something this strong, it's directed at me. Are these feelings good or bad? Who is she listening to?_

He clearly didn't know what I just realized.

_Now she's relieved. That's good I guess. _

I need to get it out of my head. If we're going to teach this summer class together, I can't have this. I know where it led me in the past.

Suddenly a different voice was sipping in.

_Of course he had to sit next to her. They're together the entire day and now he needs to be close as well. And in fact none of them is watching the movie. I wish I never knew what happened between them five years ago._

I looked up at him, and he looked busted.

_Sorry honey. You know it's hard on me sometimes, with the affair and all, I'll try harder to be nice._

He was perceptive.

I hated to hide from him. He was my wolf, he knew all of my secrets when I was growing up, and even after the years we spent apart, I still confided everything in him. I really really hated this.

Maybe I should just be honest. About everything. And tell him I would try harder too.

* * *

**AN: Do you think she should tell him?**


	26. Chapter 24 Chilling

**Chapter twenty four: Chilling**

**JPOV**

**May 20, Saturday**

I counted in my mind what would be the minimal time to spend together today. Three hours up to Seattle, at least an hour to find everything, and three hours back. That's seven hours, just me and William. I planned escape routes as well, but there wasn't really that much choice.

If he annoyed me too much, I could throw him out and make him run back. Of course that doesn't really count as looking out for my pack. I would just have to endure it. The only light I saw, in case things turned out bad, was the shopping itself. I could give him a list with parts I needed, and we could split up, have lunch separately and hopefully survive the trip back.

I didn't plan on what things to discuss with him about the pack. I just wanted to show him I valued his opinion so I would have to come up with some more than patrolling schedules. Probably improvising on that.

When I reached his place, he got in without a word, while I chatted with Sam. He wasn't worried, said that William was much calmer since I took over. He thanked me for finally following his advise.

As soon as we got on the road, William pulled out an iPod, put the ears in, lifted his hood over his eyes, and sunk back in the chair, sleeping. I didn't protest. We agreed to talk, but not for seven hours. Each minute he slept, was a minute that we didn't fight.

After two hours, he woke up again, turned up the volume of his music and looked out of the window. Pulling up a typical teenage attitude. I think he was waiting for me to protest, acting like a typical parent, but instead I ignored him. We were going to buy car parts. Nothing more, nothing less.

After three hours we arrived in Seattle and I parked at the back of the depot. The owner Bill recognized me, and stepped over to us. I didn't force William to get out, his music was still on and I simply got out of the car and followed Bill inside. I took out the list of parts we needed, and we started searching for everything.

After a while, William appeared and he followed behind me, looking slightly interested in the massive amount of stuff for sale. He was a clever boy in high school, and never cared much about cars. So I couldn't blame him his indifference. But still I noticed some curiosity growing in him. I think it was the fact that I didn't push him, that made him follow me. Like a wolf is supposed to follow his leader, I thought pleased.

He asked me questions about the cars and got me started on my favorite subject. After buying all supplies, we went to a diner nearby and ate massive amounts of food, all the while talking about cars. I was enthusiastic and I think I managed to rub some of it off on him.

This trip might mean a key step towards peace in the pack. I was optimistic. I never mentioned wolf stuff, I think reminding him that I took his place would not be beneficial for this sort of bond we were forging. This was about our business, and I somehow wanted to keep the pack separate.

I never had a plan to discuss anyway. If he had questions, he could always ask, but he didn't mention any of it either.

When we got in the car to drive back, he didn't pull out his iPod. Instead he searched the channels on my car radio for something he liked.

This time he talked. Hours passed by in relaxed conversation. About school. How he dreamed about going to college. About his parents. He asked what Sam was like when he was his age.

"So at first you didn't like my dad?"

"That was before I was a wolf. As soon as I changed, he grew on me. We had our disagreements, especially concerning the Cullens, but we respected each other, and eventually became very close."

"I can't believe how old you actually are."

"Yeah, me neither sometimes."

"That fight, with the vampires, somewhere in the middle ages, did that actually happen?"

"Not the way it's told. I'm no super wolf. I killed some vampires, but not too many, in fact I almost got killed by one that day. Carlisle saved my life. And Seth was the one who killed the strongest one."

"Seth Clearwater? The _faggot_?"

"Hey, don't call him that. He's my friend."

"You're friends with a queer?"

"It's not contagious." Damn him and his intolerant fascist views.

I started to get angry by his insult and so I ended the conversation by taking my cell and calling up Nessie. We only had ten minutes left we needed to survive. Calling Nessie, reminding him she was mine, probably wasn't the best choice, because he put his iPod back in, volume to the maximum, and pulled his hood over his head, with force.

When we got back, the other wolves were waiting for us. The trip took a little longer than planned because we had a long talk over lunch. The nice atmosphere was all gone now. As soon as I pulled over, he jumped out and joined the other wolves, as if he had been agonized the entire day. They raised their eyebrows at me, and I just shrugged. I didn't expect much resistance from them. But then again, I thought things were going great with William today as well, and now it all seemed to have vanished, in such a short amount of time. I had my work cut out for me.

We unloaded all the stuff - that is me and the boys, not William - and then we all went to the beach and sat down on some driftwood.

I explained what I, as an alpha, expected from them. The main point being hat they would treat everybody with respect, including pale faced tourists and even vampires. William snorted and looked the other way. I wasn't going to plan patrolling schedules as long as no unfamiliar vampires were around town. They were free to phase and keep track of the Cullens, and there was no more treaty line, but they were not allowed on the property of the Cullens.

I gave them my number, so they could reach me whenever, and we agreed that if any of us should howl, the other four have to phase ASAP. William huffed again, shaking his head, kicking some rocks on the beach.

I have _no_ idea what gotten into him. Sure this had to be one of his famous acts. He didn't want to let the other wolves know that we actually had a good time today, and that I wasn't so bad after all.

Or maybe this was only about Ness. But I don't need to feel bad for calling my wife, do I? We're sort of a family now and he will be confronted with our relationship a lot more.

After explaining my expectations, we just hung out a bit. I wanted to go back home, to my Nessie, but I felt like this casual chilling with them was just as much needed as the formal talk, so I stuck around. The younger boys asked me questions about the famous war too. And William acted as if that was the dumbest thing to ask, and as if he would never be interested in that.

When, a short while later, three younger girls appeared, asking me about that joyride I promised them, the wolves immediately broadened their chests, trying to make an impression on the teenagers. William on the other hand took off. Just like that. He turned around and walked away.

I had no idea what to do about him.

I guess I would have to be patient. At least he was agreeable with me when it was just us.

I convinced myself that it was a mask and that he would lose it eventually, if he saw that the other boys were not impressed, and that they liked me.

* * *

**AN: So what are your thoughts? What's his problem? Make a guess and I'll tell you if you're right ;)**


	27. Chapter 25 Truth

**Chapter twenty five: Truth**

**NPOV**

**May 21, Sunday**

After spending the entire Saturday alone, thinking about what I should do, and after hearing Jake on the phone, telling me how much he missed me, I made up my mind. He was the love of my life, my soul mate, he would understand, as long as I was honest with him. But I needed to tell Jasper first.

Jake was going to spend the evening with the wolves, his first evening getting to know the pack, so I texted Jasper and asked him to meet me it he cabin. This would be a private talk.

As soon as he arrived, he sensed my nerves and was worried instantly.

"Hey Nessie, what happened, tell me?"

"We need to talk, Jazz." He sat down.

_Here we go. _"Is this about what I fear it is?"

"I think so."

"I knew it would go wrong." He stated, afraid. _Please don't leave. I can't live without you._

My stomach tightened and made a back flip at hearing these thoughts. He felt it and his eyes grew wide. He understood.

And I nodded. Confirming his new fears.

"That was kind of to be expected, right?" I said, feeling sad about the truth.

"I don't know. Now with the vampire thing…" _And my scars…_

"Actually that's not exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. Although it causes it. I want to tell Jake."

"Tell him what?"

"Everything. I can't have secrets for him. Never could."

"Nessie, this is up to you, but I really don't think now is a good time for that. He's a new alpha, he won't take it well."

"I know, timing sucks. But the new alpha thing has him occupied as well. So maybe this is the right time."

"Are you going to tell him about you as well?"

"Yes, everything."

"And what exactly is that?" He asked carefully. _I want to hear it. Need to hear it._

I looked into his eyes. His beautiful eyes.

"That you are getting to me. You and your feelings. Confusing me."

He looked down.

_This is not a good thing. This is a bad thing. I should feel bad about it. Trying to ruin a beautiful relationship. Selfish._

"It's not your fault Jazz."

"Yes it is. I tried to keep my distance at first, because I knew what the mind reading would lead to. You are dazzled too easily. Too sensitive."

"I know. But you tried to, and I didn't let you, remember."

"Should've tried harder."

"No. I didn't want to lose my friend. Jake will understand."

"I don't know Nessie. He'll take you away. We will have no more Wednesdays." _But I do understand. He's your priority. As he should be. _

"If you forbid me to tell him, then I won't. I found out through my gift, I wouldn't have known otherwise."

"I won't forbid you anything." _But I'll miss you like crazy if I won't get to see you again._

"I promise I won't stay away. We have to get by this as friends. I need to learn to do what you do. Be happy having one of both."

His thoughts became erratic. He looked me in the eyes, wondering if I was telling him I loved him now.

Was I?

I think so.

I opened up so he could feel my emotions.

I placed both hands on his cheeks and softly traced the scars, as I had done the day I had found out about his feelings.

He closed his eyes and his mind kept repeating only three words.

I leaned in closer to him, we were cheek to cheek, and he lay his arms gently around me. My stomach was twisting and turning.

I knew this feeling. I knew what it meant. I was back where I was five years ago. In love.

But this time I was older. Happier. I wouldn't lose my values and my beliefs to take such risks. I clearly remembered the shame and guilt I felt afterwards, the emptiness the affair had left me with. And I sure as hell never want to hurt Jake.

Nevertheless, I couldn't let go of him. We held each other for the longest time. And I whispered in his ear "I love you, and we'll get this to work, promise."

No more thoughts were in his mind after this, but he tightened his grip on me, pulling me close to him. We meant so much to each other. We had to get this to work. Simply had to.

When Jake texted from home, I let go of Jasper, and stood up to go home as well.

"Wish me luck, jazz."

"Good luck, Nessie."

He meant it. I would need it too.

When I got home, I let Jake talk about his day, the pleasant hours with William and the strange behavior afterwards. Then I figured that he was too tired and let him go to sleep, before making life a little more complicated.

Sunday morning, I fixed him a massive breakfast, and after he finished, I gathered all my courage and started.

"Jake, there is something I picked up with my gift, that I think you should know about. Can we go sit somewhere to talk?"

"Is this about William?"

"No, not at all. It's about Jasper."

I had his full attention, and I tried not to listen to his thoughts, as they would distract me.

"What about Jasper?" he asked, once we were on the couch, facing each other.

"About the way he feels towards me."

"And how's that?" I could feel that his good mood after the giant breakfast was fading. Fast.

"Well, you know he cares about me very much. It appears that he cares for me more than friends are supposed to care for each other."

"You mean he loves you."

"Yes." I watched his face closely.

"I guess I knew that."

"You knew?"

"Sure. He'd do everything for you. You sort of bring him to life. It's kinda obvious."

"Not in a bad way?"

"No. Not yet. Why, what did you see?"

"I saw the same. About what he would do for me. And about how I bring out his former self."

"When did you see that?"

"When I first met him as a vampire. Do you remember I asked you then what I should to do about being discrete with my gift? I figured it was no big deal, so I didn't tell."

"And now it is a big deal?"

"Now it keeps bugging me more and more that there is a secret between us. I can't keep anything from you, I don't want to."

"I don't want you to keep anything from me either."

And so I told him all about the conversations me and Jasper had back then. About how Jasper is happy with Alice and that he realizes he is lucky to have at least one. And that he can live with it perfectly and therefore I wouldn't blow it out of proportions. And that I would never let down a true friend who has never forsaken me. And that from that day I tried to ignore it and be just friends again.

"I understand, sort of, but I don't like this Nessie, not one single bit." _I know you. You're going to fall for him all over again. He sweeps you away just like that. Always has. _

"I've changed, Jake. I've got you now."

"That doesn't matter. You can't be so naïve to believe that his effect on you will be neutralized because you love me."

"I'm not naïve. I can't control what I feel. But my decisions are all based on my love for you. And now I decided I needed to be totally honest."

"One hundred percent honest?"

"Yes. Like I always had. I'm sick of hiding something."

"Are you in love with him, honestly?" He watched me with a serious look on his face, slightly trembling, ready to explode.

"That's… a difficult question."

"No it's not, god dammit!" He stood up and smashed the coffee table against the wall. I started crying.

"I'm sorry Nessie, I'm sorry." He got on his knees in front of me "I just… I don't know how to handle this. I'm so scared of losing you."

"You're not losing me. This is me trying to get closer to you again," I pleaded.

"I know honey, I'm sorry. But jeez… It's always been Jasper." He shook his head in disbelief. He was in agony and I felt bad for him.

"It's always been you Jake."

"And him."

"And him. Perhaps. But I chose you. I want to spend my eternity with you."

He took a deep breath and stood up again.

"How long have you known about your feelings?" He paced around the living room.

"Since Friday. I then decided to tell you, but needed to ask him first. It's actually his secret to spill, I needed his permission."

"Did he give you his permission to tell me he loves you?"

"Yes, he didn't think it was a good idea, but he understood."

"Did you tell him you love him back?" His breathing was heavy. Saying the words was hard on him.

"He's an empath."

"Right. Are you sure he's not manipulating you?"

"Jake, he would never do that. This sucks just as much for him as it does for me. If it were up to him, I would've never found out."

"Shit Ness. I'm so scared." He got down in the couch with me again and the look in his eyes showed me just how afraid he was.

"You've got nothing to fear. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere" I answered in between sobs, and I reached out for him. Luckily he didn't push me away, but pulled me against him in a crushing hug.

"Promise me babe," he said with a thick voice.

"I promise you. Forever." And his grip became even tighter.

* * *

**AN: There. It's all out. Good or not?**


	28. Chapter 26 Wednesday

**Chapter twenty six: Wednesday**

**JPOV**

**May 24, Wednesday**

Today was Wednesday. Jasper day.

Am I a fool for letting her go? Will I regret this thoroughly?

I know my girl, and if I tell her she can't see him, she will definitely seek him out. And she would do it secretly.

I won't let that happen. I try to be open minded. But knowing my girl also means that I know she'll have a hard time resisting him. And he'll get confused by her feelings as well. Been there, done that. This thing is in the move, and I'm afraid it can't be stopped.

I have no idea what to do. Losing my sanity.

I couldn't work in the garage, because today I didn't want Edward picking up on my thougths, so I phased and ran around the woods, aimlessly.

I tried to soothe my mind with some reassuring thoughts.

The fact that Ness told me about her feelings wasn't all bad... I suppose. I think I always knew how he felt about her. We used to have this competition between us, while neither of us felt threatened by Emmett, the only one who _actually_ saw her as a sister. And I know vampires don't easily change how they feel. I always respected the distance he held. Well, not literally because he's around her all the time, but emotionally. He never acted jealous about me and her being together, and he never showed his true feelings in those five years.

I guess she _had_ to find out, now she's a mind reader. Aparentely the clouding that works so well with Edward has no effect on her. And I guess she had to be affected by his feelings as well. She's got such a warm heart, has so much to give, and she wants to make everybody happy.

So in a way it was a really good sign that she wanted to tell me. In all honesty. But that thought never really eased my mind. I was in a turmoil, and the activated dominant gene didn't help me with that. I needed to claim her even more than before.

At that she didn't complain.

I tried to be casual about the whole thing, but my possessive side was awake. Whenever it appeared, she furrowed her eyebrow and I know she slowly started to regret telling me.

I couldn't have that. Had to try harder. She needs to keep trusting me.

As I ran around in the woods, I was suddenly aware of a presence. I looked around and sniffed the air, but couldn't smell anything or anybody. That's odd. My wolf senses are sharp. I stopped in my tracks and tried to pick up the scent. I was sure somebody was here.

_- It's Ethan. I'm in your head. Need me to phase back?_

_- Oh, um. No that's okay. No secrets in a pack right? Where are you?_

_- The forest at first beach. Just getting away from woman trouble for a while. And from hearing your thoughts I guess it doesn't change when married, huh?_

_- Guess not. Can I join you? We could make a tour around the borderline._

_- Sure. I'll wait here._

I ran over to him, and tried to focus on wolf stuff, paws on the ground, smells in the air, animal sounds. Anything but Ness and Jasper together. They had no bussiness with that. I could tell that he was doing the same. Apparently some girl Maya was driving him crazy, playing hard to get.

When I reached him, we adjusted our pace and started running along the shoreline, going south. It took some getting used to, having someone in my head again, but being part of a pack was something I had missed as well. What William had said about suddenly having new brothers was true. You have no choice but to trust each other.

_- Don't you have finals to study for?_

_- Yes dad. I'll get to that later._

_- I used to run too. Before diving into books. Or work on my car._

_- Or hang out with Bella Swan, right?_

_- Um. That too yeah._

_- No secrets in a pack. Guess you know about Maya as well. She's all over me all the time, but when I make a move, she just smiles and turns away. I swear some day that girl is gonna get something she's not prepared for._

_- Maybe that is exactly what she wants._

_- I don't know. I think she's just messing with me. _

_- Does she do the same with other boys?_

_- No. She's around me all the time. Her chosen victim._

_- And she puts a lot of energy into this messing?_

_- You bet._

_- Then she wants some. You know you could always reverse the roles._

_- How so?_

_- Tell her you're tired of waiting. You're not interested anymore. That you met someone else who doesn't keep you at distance. _

_- I haven't._

_- She doesn't need to know that. I bet she comes chasing after you in no time. But you have to be convincing. You have to turn away when she comes at you._

_- I'll keep that in mind._

_- Tell me how it worked out, okay?_

_- I'm sure you'll find out whether I tell you or not._

_- Right. So what's up with the other boys? Any girlfriends there?_

_- Noah imprinted._

_- Really? I didn't know._

_- Yeah. With the girl next door. They're really disgusting. She's only fifteen so the things they're doing are actually illegal. _

_- How about Andrew?_

_- He's got this crush on his teacher. But we're not allowed to say anything about that. Or even think about it. He's got quite a temper. I mean, we all have temper problems sometimes, but Andrew… _

I saw an image of Andrew and Ethan fighting, and a memory of a broken jaw. I flinched.

_- Every pack needs his Paul, I guess._

_- I heard about him too yeah. And now he's such a pushover. _

_- My sister tamed him nicely._

_- She sure did. I ain't gonna let any girl tame me._

_- Just you wait. They've got their ways._

_- 'll see._

_- How about William, any girl interested in him?_

_- Um… Lots of girls actually, but…_

_- I know. He only cares for Ness, right?_

_- Something like that. Look, I'm not supposed to think about his secrets when you're in my head, so could we change the subject?_

_- It's not really a secret, is it? _

_- Whatever. Some things are secret._

That last sentence was added silently and then he started humming a song in his head. I wasn't going to push him further, because William would find out and give him a hard time.

I focussed on the forest again, and his humming stopped. We were just running alongside each other, no more thoughts, just wood, ground, sand and air.

When we got back to the point we started, our ways separated. He phased back to go study, and I ran back home. My worried mind was calmed a bit, but instead I was god damn horny and ready to claim my Nessie when she got back. Fuck all Jasper thoughts right out of her.

I was pleased to no end, to see that she was home already. I think she wanted to prove to me that I was more important.

She jumped in my arms when I entered the living room, her legs wrapped around my hips.

I was even more pleased to find that she wore a thin shirt, a short skirt and no underwear. My girl knows me as well.

"God Nessie, I've gone crazy all day without you and you with him."

"I appreciate you trying honey," she answered and then whispered in my ear "and you know I like how you reclaim me. Show me who I belong to."

She didn't need to repeat that.

Pounding my Nessie on the kitchen table, hearing her say she was mine, was better for my sanity than running through the woods all day.

Good thing she wasn't human anymore, I didn't need to hold back. On the contraray, she wanted me to let go, of all the fear and frustration, transformed into sexual energy. And she liked it rough. So that's what she got. I pushed into her violently, untill we both came undone.

Another Wednesday survived. One day at the time.


	29. Chapter 27 Comfort

**Chapter twenty seven: Comfort**

**JPOV**

**June 25, Sunday**

I was all excited. Tomorrow I would be introduced to my summer class kids. My assignments were finished, today me and Jasper would just finish up some details about the group assignments.

I was showing it all to Jake as he was eating his breakfast. I didn't need to eat of course, so I could just talk away, babble about the last things I still wanted to sort out.

"Hang on. You're killing me here. Sit down." _Acting like Tina makes my head spin_.

"Sorry," I grinned, "look at this, all we need to add today is the worked out schedules and then we're ready for the kids."

"Who is we?" _Don't tell me it's who I think it is._

"Of course it is who you think it is, we both teach this class, who else would it be?"

"You teach different courses, Ness. I don't see the Egypt teacher showing up here every day." Here we go again.

"He's helped me out. We make a great team."

"But today is Sunday." _I want to spend the day with you_.

"Come along. It won't take all day."

"I sure as hell am not coming along to watch both love birds chipper."

His mood swings were aggravating sometimes. I sat down and continued in a softer voice.

"I know this is hard on you. But we have to get through this. He's been feeling this for years without any temptation. We can handle it."

"You're overlooking something very important Nessie. You keep comparing your feelings to what he felt. But now this thing runs both ways. It makes everything different. Harder. Don't you see?"

_It's wrong. I don't trust him. He cheated on Alice before_.

"I never cheated on you. You have to trust _me_."

"Answer my words and not my thoughts, Ness." _God sometimes I hate that you're in my head_.

"I don't think it makes things different. Or harder. Can't you see that I can't lose him?"

He closed his eyes and looked away from me. _So you sacrifice us_.

"I'm not…"

"Get out of my head, Ness. I'm serious."

"Why are you mad now? I'm trying my hardest to get over this. For you. For us. And you treat me like a cheater."

"That's what you'll become if you keep this up. You can't stay away from him. You're not thinking reasonably."

"I _can_ stay away. I just don't want to. That would be like giving in, admitting that it's not working. And it _has_ to work."

"You know what this conversation reminds me of? Me and Eve. Her telling me I needed to stay away from you, because she saw things that I didn't. And she was right."

"And what did you answer her?"

"Exactly the same as you tell me now. That I didn't want to lose you. That I had it under control. See, I totally get it Ness. I understand. But that's the most tragic part. Because I see how you feel about him, and I see where it's going, and it kills me."

"This is different. You and Eve never were meant to be. We _are_. You're my soul mate."

"We're not different if you can't let go of him. Spend the day with me." _Prove it._

I knew he needed me. But I felt pushed. And I tend to break free then. I had nothing to prove.

I planned to finish this up with Jasper, and so that's what I'll do. If I give in now, I wouldn't see the end of it. I was in control.

I slowly shook my head, and I saw his temper rising.

"I have to go Jake. If you're not coming, then I guess I'll see you later," I said softly.

He got up from the chair, too fast, it fell to the ground, and he grabbed my arm. It would have caused a bruise, had I been human.

"You're not going anywhere," he growled and I was startled. I had seen him like this before, but it was never a good sign. Jake hardly ever loses control. I was pushing his limits.

"Let go of me, Jacob Black," I said in a calm voice.

"What's the matter? I thought you liked my dominant side."

"Not now. You're not yourself. I love you, but you have to calm down."

"You're driving me crazy, Ness. How can I calm down if I feel you slipping through my fingers?"

"You can't hold onto me by force. You have to trust that I'll come back to you."

I picked up my books and wanted to go to the door. I could easily free myself from his grip, newborns are strong, stronger than alpha wolves. But I didn't. I wanted _him_ to let go of _me_.

I looked up at his face. Anger. Fear.

"If you go now, I'll know enough." He released my arm, eyes burning in mine.

"Don't be like this, Jake. I'll be back by dinner."

I turned around and ran. I didn't want him to see the tears on my face.

I couldn't believe he said that.

He didn't remind me of him and Eve, he reminded me of Josh. Who once made me choose between my boyfriend and my best friend. The boyfriend lost.

This time, Jake would win.

If he actually made me choose, he would win. But I would probably have a bad feeling about it forever. And our relationship would never be the same.

Is that what he did just now? Making me choose?

I was slowly panicking. It came up so suddenly, I'm sure it was just his temper. He'll probably be sorry any minute now, and call me up.

But he didn't call.

I went straight for the cabin, and texted Jasper along the way. Perhaps I should have called Jake, but there was nothing I could say that I haven't already said. He needed to trust me.

When I finally reached the cabin, I got inside and the panic hit me full power. Me and Jake _never_ fought. I crumbled on the bed and started sobbing.

Why was I back in this mess? Why couldn't I give my husband what he needed, what he deserved?

Jasper must have felt my emotions, because he was there in no time. And he held me until the sobbing subsided.

_I have a feelings she's crying because of me. I'm probably not the right person to comfort her right now._

"You are the perfect person to comfort me," I responded, although I usually never react to his thoughts.

I sat up against the headboard and he sat next to me. I told him about what happened and I could hear in his mind: _I knew it._

He wrapped his arm around me, and pulled me against his chest, as new tears were starting to fall.

I also told him about Jake's forceful behavior, which I probably shouldn't have, because it irked him.

He tensed underneath me. _If that tempered wolf as much as tries to hurt her…_

"He didn't want to hurt me, Jasper. He's just afraid. I understand. But I can't give in. I can't lose you."

He remained rigid and I tried to soothe him by moving my hand over his free arm.

As usually, he wore a long sleeved shirt. To hide the marks. It's strange that he thinks these scars are repulsive. To me they never were. Feeling his skin is special to me. As my head lay against his shoulder, still wet with silent tears, I looked at his neck, and I touched the scars there with my fingertips.

He leaned his head back against the wall and relaxed a bit. _Nobody touches me like you do. I like it._

"Not even Alice?" I whispered.

"No. She doesn't mind the scars, but I feel that she avoids them anyway. Whereas you… I sometimes feel like you read me."

"It feels like that to me as well. Every single one of them has to have a story."

"The stories are all the same. Brutal murders of vampires who are useless to the army." _The skin of a murderer_.

"The skin of a man who suffered." My fingertips were following along the path, down to his collarbone and to the back of his neck.

He softly hummed as his fingertips moved over my back as well.

I was affected. Very much so...

The hurt from the fight was now mingled with some sort of excitement. A tingle in my stomach, a want to touch more of him. To make him feel as loved as I felt.

He gradually turned his face towards mine, which was still on his shoulder. By slowly moving his face, he caressed my cheek with his. His head turned a little further, and he placed a soft kiss in my blushing cheek. My stomach flipped and my hand in his neck gripped him tighter.

Maybe he wasn't the right person to comfort me. I was suddenly very much aware of his body, pressed against mine, and his lips that were now placing kisses on my cheek.

_You have to stop me, Nessie. I want to kiss you so much._

I couldn't stop him.

My face was slowly lifted from his shoulder, without my permission, and my lips were kissing his cheek as well, seeking his lips.

And then our lips touched.

I have kissed Jasper before, several times. Always as a human. Now his lips were soft, not cold anymore.

I knew it was wrong. I had pleaded Jake to trust me. He was right all along. I couldn't resist Jasper.

His lips were not moving, and at first neither were mine. But then they kissed him back. Also without my permission. And he let go too. One of his hands went to the back of my neck, pulling my mouth closer.

_God how I missed this. I love you so much._

Our tongues were stroking each other lovingly, when suddenly the door flew through the cabin, crashing against the opposite wall.

The kiss and the embrace broke instantly and I looked up into the enraged eyes of my wolf.

* * *

**AN: You probably hate Nessie right now... All I can say is that she's in love, and people in love make mistakes... Terrible mistakes sometimes...**

**What are you thinking?**


	30. Chapter 28 Sinking

**Chapter twenty eight: Sinking**

**JPOV**

**June 25, Sunday**

As soon as she was out the door that morning, I phased and ran too. Wolf therapy.

Slowly the rage subsided and my mind became clear again. And slowly I started realizing what I had done. Regret was washing over me, when I returned and human emotions flooded back. She would never leave Jasper, and I knew it. I would lose her if I made her choose.

I first thought that I should call her, but then went after her. I wanted to hold her. Tell her I didn't mean it. Kiss her and feel that she loved me. Above all.

The Cullens told me that Ness was in the cabin with Jasper. Alone. I immediately discarded that thought. I decided I needed to trust her. I knew she must have been devastated. I never lost my temper with her. I needed to tell her it would all be alright.

And then I found them kissing on the bed. Not him kissing, or her kissing, but _both_ of them. A tender kiss.

And my heart broke.

All went red before my eyes. All I knew was that I wanted to kill him.

Of course that would break Nessie, but no such thoughts were in my head at that moment. It was him or me. Simple as that.

When he jumped at me, I phased right in the middle of the cabin and flung him against the wall. I could feel that he was trying to send me some calm, but it had no effect on me what so ever. The fact that I had smashed him to the wall so easily gave me courage, and I lunged myself at him again. This time, he saw me coming, and moved out of my way just in time, sending me flying through the window.

He jumped out of the cabin as well, shouting at Ness to stay behind. He acted as if he was defending her, while she was mine to defend. While he was the dangerous one, dazzling her and then seducing her when she was weak. His seemingly calm and protective behavior enraged me even more, and I flung myself at him again.

This time I managed to bite him in the shoulder before he threw me off of him. My growls echoed over the forest.

I saw something change in Jasper's demeanor. This time he wasn't defensive anymore. This time I had a warrior before me. A true monster that killed thousands, ready to attack me.

I didn't fear, I wanted him to. I was ready to rip him to pieces.

He launched himself at me, but this time I wasn't fast enough. He pinned me to the floor and his eyes reflected what I was thinking. Kill.

I gathered my strength and kicked him with my back legs. He let go, but not because of my blow. He was distracted because Ness had come out, crying, pleading. I couldn't talk to her in wolf form, but Jasper was sensitive enough to snarl at her to stay away. She was obviously taken aback by his attitude. She never saw him in fight mode before.

I did, once, so I should have known better. None of his opponents survived.

Right now that was the least thing on my mind. All my blood seemed replaced by adrenaline. Making me bold and fearless.

Nessie cried my name, begging me to run. There was not a single cell in my body that considered running. But then Jasper attacked me, crashing me to the floor, and I knew I should have. He broke most of the bones in my body, and with the last power I had left, I tried to keep his teeth away from my jugular.

Nessie tried to pull him away from me, but right now, he was stronger than her. So she got down on her knees in front of him.

"Please Jasper. Don't do it. For me. Jasper please. I love you both. But not like this. If you kill him, we'll never be friends again. Please Jasper."

She cried and begged but didn't get through to him. She didn't even distract him. I wanted her to get away, be safe. He was not her friend right now, not the Jasper we knew. But I couldn't phase back. Even if I could, there would be a higher chance at surviving this if I stayed wolf.

She grabbed his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her, but he snarled and pushed her away. It was dangerous now to come between him and his victim, and if she didn't watch out, she would become a victim as well.

"I know you wanted to protect me from his anger. But he can't hurt me now. Please Jasper." Tears streamed over her face.

And then she kissed him again. Full on the lips. I don't know if it was a strategy or that she just couldn't help herself, but it worked.

He released me and kissed her back. Feverishly. They toppled over, him on top of her, kissing passionately, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was broken on the ground. But I couldn't care less about my bones. It was my heartache that was crushing me. Pulling me down until I was finally swallowed in unconsciousness.

* * *

When I woke up again, I was in a bed. Not my own. I had no idea which one. My mind was in a haze. I remembered everything too clearly, so I asked for more drugs. My voice was raspy.

It was Rachel who came to me and gave me more. I couldn't move, still broken thoroughly. She explained to me that I would at least take two days recovering, and that Carlisle had forbidden any vampire visits. I didn't even know if I wanted to see Nessie.

I wanted to hold her, hear her say it would all be alright, but I didn't believe that, and every thought of her involved her kissing Jasper, sweet and romantic on the bed, or hot and passionately on the ground. So in a way I was thankful to Carlisle. This way I wouldn't be waiting for her either.

Rachel told me the wolves of my new pack had stopped by as well. I had set a _great_ example for them, I thought with sarcasm. If you find your girl in the arms of someone else, it's okay to kill them. Or at least place a feeble attempt. I don't think I even hurt him. Which is another great blow for my already crushed ego. Maybe I shouldn't be alpha anymore.

Right now, I only felt like disappearing. And that's what the drugs did for me.

* * *

When I woke up again, there was light through the curtains. My body ached everywhere and I tried to look around to see if I could find any extra medication.

A faintly familiar voice said "Keep still and open you mouth." I didn't recognize him, but I obeyed. A warm hand lifted my head, placed a pill on my tongue and poured water in my mouth. I swallowed and he lowered me again on the pillow.

"Are you okay?"

"Come closer," I said, hoarsely.

William appeared in my vision. He looked worried. I must look terrible then.

"Rachel had to go to work. We take turns taking care of you."

"Thanks," I whispered. However humiliating this was, I'd rather have my pack look after me than the vampires.

"That's what brothers are for," he simply answered and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Now, honestly, how does it look?"

"Like you were hit by a truck?" he grinned. "It was the blond one right?"

I tried to sigh, but my broken ribs protested.

"How much do you know?"

"Nothing. Only what Ethan read in your mind about Nessie and him. And now you, laying here, almost killed by a vampire. A Cullen. The family that was harmless, according to you."

"It wasn't his fault. I wanted to kill him. He was defending himself."

"He could have defended himself by only breaking a few bones."

"Come on William, if someone tried to kill you, would you stop after a few bones? He's a predator. A warrior."

"And he tries to take your wife. And you defend him."

"I don't expect you to understand. Some things are complicated." The drugs weren't working yet and I was hit with wave after wave of pain.

It must have made me sweat, because he took a wet cloth and wiped my forehead with it. The coolness was welcome and I closed my eyes.

"Try to rest some more. We'll look after you."

"Thanks," I muttered and sank back in unconsciousness.


	31. Chapter 29 Mistake

**Chapter twenty nine: Mistake**

**NPOV**

**June 25, Sunday**

I still can't believe what happened yesterday. First the fight with Jake. That was pretty mind blowing by itself. Then the kiss with Jasper. Mind blowing as well. And then both of them fighting. And not just punching around, trying to be the dominant one, but really fighting. To kill. I never saw anything that terrifying before.

In my desperation, because I knew what Alice had seen, I tried the only thing I could think of to snap Jasper back out of it. I kissed him. Right in front of my love. Who was dying. Could I sink any lower?

I wanted to rush over to Jake, take him away, make it up to him. It was all my fault. But I was so afraid, so I just tried to stall Jasper, until Carlisle got there.

He would have to make Jake better. But it didn't look good. There was a lot of blood, and I had heard bones break. The most sickening sound I have ever heard.

Alice reached us first. She pulled Jasper away from me and they both disappeared. I immediately crawled over to Jake, who was still in wolf and lost consciousness. I wanted to pick him up, carry him towards the house. But his back made a strange bent. And the blood. I didn't dare to touch him. His nose was clearly broken.

I just sat there next to him, begging him to hang on. Crying. But still not touching him. I wouldn't be able to stand to have his blood on my hands. In a way, it was already on my hands. This was all my fault. He had been right all along. About what I felt for Jasper, and where it would lead to. And I had told him to _trust_ me. And this is where my wisdom got me.

Finally Carlisle arrived. Alice had already given him the full story, and so he knew that Jake's spleen was ripped. He ordered me to step back, there wasn't much time left. He would have to operate him on the forest ground. Hoping that there would still be enough wolf power to fight any extra infections. He started to cut open my wolf. The sight made me sick, the thoughts and feelings of guilt were even worse.

Carlisle asked me to call Edward over, with a truck and blankets. Edward was the one to carry me away towards the house. He drugged me up, but it didn't work. What I really needed was some Jasper lethargy right now. But Jasper was gone. I didn't know if I would ever see him again. Or Jake.

At last, the exhaustion and panic came too much, and I fainted. Another human trait that popped up. This one was very much welcome.

I think they must have drugged me a bit more, and that it worked this time, because by the time I woke up, it was Sunday already. Emmett, Rose and Tina sat with me. All three with a compassionate look in their eyes. Tina sat down next to me and took my hand. _I'm sorry for you sweetie_.

"No! Tell me it isn't true. Tell me he's okay."

"Relax sis. Jake's fine. Well, he will be." _Says the doctor_.

"Where is he? I need to see him."

"You can't see him right now. Carlisle is afraid that his heart will give out."

"Where is Carlisle?"

"I'm right here." The doctor stepped in.

"How is he?" I jumped up and rushed towards him.

"He's… stable. Jasper gave him quite a blow." _It's a miracle he's still alive_.

"This is all my fault," I wailed.

"They are two grown men, if they decide to fight, it's up to them, not you," he said gracefully.

"But I kissed Jasper, that is unforgivable."

Carlisle put his arm around my shoulder, and pushed me down on the couch gently, before he sat down next to me.

"Listen Nessie, we all make mistakes. Nothing is unforgivable. Some of us killed humans and suffer for it," he looked at Tina and Emmett who looked down "you… you fell in love. Vampire instincts are really strong. We all understand. And we will all forgive you. That's what we do. Just like we will forgive Jasper and Jake, for wanting to harm the other. You're lucky that you're not bloodthirsty. But you're very passionate instead. It makes you love Jake all the more, but it makes you weak for temptation as well. Just remember we all make mistakes."

"You don't make mistakes," I said softly.

"Of course I do. I spent a hundred years regretting taking Edwards soul out of my own loneliness. And Esme's soul. In the end, we're not judged by our flaws, but by what we do to make it better."

"I won't ever be able to make this better."

"Of course you will. You have eternity."

"Can I call him?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Nessie."

"What if he wants to hear me?"

"I'll go over there this afternoon. And I'll tell him you would like to talk to him. I won't push him. But if he wants to call you, I'll stay near. And I'll only allow it if he stays stable." _He can still collapse anytime_.

I flinched at his last thought and quickly tried to divert my mind.

"And Jasper?"

"Jasper feels very much the same you do. Guilty. And ashamed. But he's fine. He's in the mountain house in Seattle and he took over your class for today."

Right. I forgot all about that class. I wonder how we are going to get through this summer class. We both looked forward to it very much.

"It will all be fine, Nessie," Tina said, and she pulled me in a hug. "I know how you feel. Not so long ago, I thought I had done the unforgivable thing. And mine was much worse than yours, I tried to kill my best friend. You only kissed your best friend. What I'm trying to say is that Carlisle really means it. They will all forgive you. And things are going to be okay."

She took me hunting to distract me, avoiding the area of the cabin, where the smell of his blood still hung in the air. It worked. It did help me that she knew how I felt, having made a crucial mistake herself. And that I remember that we all had tried to understand, and only wanted her to come back to us.

In the afternoon I got a call from Carlisle.

"How is he? Is he okay? Can I call him?"

_"Ness, it's me."_

"Oh baby. I'm so sorry."

I had played this conversation in my mind over and over again, all the things I wanted to tell him. Instead I just ended up crying again. It seemed like it was all I could do these days.

_"I'm… I don't really know what to say."_ He sounded weak and raspy.

"Carlisle said you are going to be okay." It came out more like a question than a reassuring statement.

_"I know. Doesn't feel like it, but let's take the doctor's word."_

"I had so much I wanted to tell you. But now all I can think of is I'm sorry."

"_That's the most important part I guess."_

It was hard to make up his feelings from how he sounded, as he was obviously too weak to think clearly. He continued "_I'm not exactly free of guilt either. I'm surprised you even want to talk to me, after I tried to kill your best friend."_

"Everybody makes mistakes, Carlisle's words."

_"Sounds like him alright_."

"I'll do whatever it takes to make this right again honey, I promise."

"_I know you will_."

"You still want us to be okay, right?"

_"Yes. But I can't promise you it will be. I've been cheated on before. And I tried to get over that, but it never worked. I don't know_."

Fresh tears were falling. He didn't sound detached, so I guess that was a good thing. He just sounded honest. I never wanted to be close to him more than right now. Now I could feel that we might not make it through.

"I love you Jake, more than anything in the world."

"_I love you too, Nessie_," he whispered.

"Are you sure?"

"_Of course. I'll love you forever. Tell me something. That kiss I walked in on. How many times did this happen?"_

"That was the first. I don't know how it happened. I was crying because of our fight. Which was totally my fault by the way. You were so right about everything. And next thing I knew…"

_"Isn't that a strange coincidence? Your first kiss and I just happen to walk in?"_

"You have to believe me, Jake. I wasn't having an affair. I promise you. I swear, on mom, on dad, on Tina…"

"_Why don't you swear on me?"_

"Because you don't believe you mean the world to me."

"_Swear on me and Jasper that that kiss was your first_."

"Since you and I were together, this was the first kiss. I swear on you and Jasper."

He breathed out, but groaned as if that movement alone hurt him. I could hear Carlisle in the background telling him to round the conversation.

_"I believe you. I need to rest now_."

"I'm so so sorry, Jake."

_"I know, Ness. Please stop saying that. We'll talk later okay_."

"I love you."

_"I love you too_."

* * *

**AN: You think they will be okay?**


	32. Chapter 30 Strange

**Chapter thirty: Strange**

**JPOV**

**June 27, Tuesday**

She was very sorry. That was a start. I needed to hear it. And I did believe her if she says that it was the first time. Only a week before she came to me, confessing her feelings and telling me that she can't keep a secret from me. I am pretty sure that she can't keep an affair either. But sometimes you think you know somebody…

No, I can't say that. This is not out of character for Nessie. I saw it coming. She didn't and that is also typically her. I should not have been surprised. It hurt me anyway.

In any case it's a relief that she didn't run away with him, to start a life somewhere else, away from me and the Cullens. Because if I have to be completely honest, that was my worst fear. I actually believed there was a possibility of this.

But she was here. Loving me. She wanted to make it better.

Me too. I don't want to lose her. But apparently all my efforts to keep her close have only driven her to him.

I guess I need a different approach. Easier said than done. How can I be _less_ possessive now? Now I've seen them kiss?

The image popped back in my mind, of both kisses, and I groaned.

"You okay? Need water? More medication?"

"I'm fine William."

I slowly opened my eyes to see him sitting in a chair close to my bed. Has he been there the entire time? This must be hell for him. Or maybe he enjoys seeing me this broken. Super wolf who killed a million vampire gets crushed with one blow of one vampire, the one who is after his wife. Nothing super about me now. Guess William likes that.

"Why am I not better yet?"

"Carlisle said that he had to repair a lot of damage there in that forest, and it wasn't a sterile environment, so your immune system is struggling double."

"Am I at least better than yesterday?"

"You tell me, how's the pain?"

"It's okay."

"Your ribs have healed, your back hasn't. Your legs and hip bones are starting to heal. But now you have a fever."

"Oh, that's why I'm burning. My back hasn't started?"

William looked away.

"What is it?"

"Carlisle sees absolutely no progress there. He…"

"Spill it, William."

"He thinks maybe it won't heal again. You'll never walk again."

"Oh. Waw. I guess wheelchairs run in the family."

"Huh?"

"My dad. Billy."

"Oh, right. You seem to take the news well."

"I suppose I don't really believe it. I've been through this before. And everything healed just fine."

"I know. Carlisle was there too, he says. But it's been three days…"

"Hmmm. Hey, are you guys taking shifts? I haven't seen the others."

"They still have some finals to study for."

"Right. Real life goes on, I guess. So it's just you, huh? Must suck. Being stuck here with someone you hate."

William looked away again, and muttered "I don't hate you."

I laughed, glad that my ribs weren't killing me anymore, and said "easy on the love there bro."

At this William jumped up, and ran out.

"I'm kidding" I tried, but he was out the door already. That boy has some serious issues with his mood swings.

Oh well. The meds kept me sleepy enough. I closed my eyes again and welcomed the numbness.

After a while - I don't think I actually slept – there was a warm hand on my face. I felt cold although I was tucked in completely. Someone had covered me, so I must have dozed off.

Now I knew what the rattling sound was. My teeth were chattering. The warm hand wiped my wet hair from my face. I was drenched in sweat. But not hurt. Just cold. I lazily opened my eyes and there was William again.

He immediately removed his hand and sat down in the chair, looking at the window.

_Now_ what?

I took a deep breath and said "you don't have to stay here. I'll shout if I need anything."

He turned his head and looked at me, but didn't answer. There was a long silence.

"You know, William, I don't get you. You're always the first to use a big mouth, but if anyone makes a joke directed at you, you're all insulted."

"What did the boys tell you about me?"

"About your big secret you mean? It's safe. They didn't say or think anything. But it's no big deal. You like Nessie, right? Get in line," I snorted. The downside of having a beautiful wife.

"I'm not in love with Ness, if that's what you think," he said, again staring out of the window.

"Okay. So you're not. Like I said. No big deal."

You didn't stand a chance with her in the first place. She loves two already. No room for a third. Is there?

"You should go back to sleep."

"I'm not tired anymore."

"Hungry?"

"No. I want to get out of here. Get some air."

His head snapped up, and he looked at me. His eyes told me that I couldn't stand up.

He was right. I couldn't move my legs. My arms were fine. Still a bit bruised, but I managed to lift my torso from the bed and lean on my elbows. I was still shaky from the fever. So I think, even if my legs were present, I still wouldn't be able to walk.

I dropped myself back on the bed, and pushed the covers away. They weren't helping me with the cold anyway, as they were wet, and I needed to know if I was just paralyzed or completely numb.

I was only wearing boxers, which were drenched as well. William must have seen naked wolves all the time, but still he averted his eyes. Or maybe it was just the sight of a bruised and broken leader that was too confronting.

The scars on my stomach from the incisions were almost completely healed, and most bruises were faded to yellow and brown. I began to understand what Carlisle meant, when he said my back should have started to heal as well.

I lowered my hands over my stomach and pinched my skin to feel if all nerves were still active. So far no problem. I could still feel my hips as well, although I couldn't move them. I couldn't reach further down.

"William," I said softly. I hoped I wouldn't need to beg him.

He was watching me now and slowly nodded. He stood up and placed his warm hand on the cold skin of my thigh. Way too gently. All I needed him to do was pinch. The warmth of his hand told me that my leg was fine so I quickly said "lower".

He didn't lift his hand but let it slide over my knee down my leg. There was something weird about his touch, almost caressing. When he reached my ankle and my foot I told him that my sensing at least was fine, and threw the covers back over my legs.

I was relieved too much to further dwell on this weird moment, and told myself that he was just trying to be careful with my healing legs.

When he got back in the chair, he looked at me angrily. He might have hit another one of his mood swings.

"What is it, William? Gonna run out again at my first word?" I asked him exasperated.

The look on his face told me that right now that was exactly what he wanted to do. So I didn't taunt him any longer and I gave him an out.

"Can you get me something warm? Some soup maybe?"

"Sure." And off he went.

Strange kid. Ness had told me he gave her the creeps sometimes, I could totally get it now.

Ness. I want to hear her voice.

I picked up the phone on the night stand and called her up.

_"Jake! How are you? I miss you so much!"_

"I miss you too, honey."

_"Think Carlisle will let me visit you? How is your heart?"_

I actually didn't want her to see me like this. Like a crippled. Only one week ago I was her strong wolf. The dominant and confident alpha male. Now there was nothing left of that. Just a bruised body with a bruised ego. And I'm the kind of guy that wants to be alone when hurt.

"I don't think so, Nessie."

"_Alright."_ I could hear that she was hurt too, she must have felt that this wasn't something Carlisle had decided.

"I'm sorry. Give me some time."

_"I've got eternity for you, babe_."

"You'll wait that long?"

"_Of course. Don't forget I waited for you before as well_."

"You forgave me back then for abandoning you." I guess now it was my turn.

"_I did. We both made mistakes before, and still we were perfect together. We could still be perfect_." She sounded desperate.

"I hope so, girl. I'm not ready to lose you. Not without a fight."

"_I'm glad to hear that. Me too. What's that sound?"_

"My teeth. I'm kinda feverish."

"_Oh, you must rest then. I'll be here whenever you want to call me. Take all the time you need_."

"Alright. Gotta go now. William brought me hot soup. Love you."

"_Love you too_." I hung up the phone and accepted the soup with a smile, but it wasn't returned. His mood was still below zero.

Very strange kid indeed. I hope Rach gets back from work soon.

* * *

**AN: I'm pretty sure some of you can sense what's going on ;)**


	33. Chapter 31 Test

**Chapter thirty one: Test**

**NPOV**

**July 3, Monday**

One week had passed. I still hadn't seen him. Now I knew why. I had read in Carlisle's mind that his back was only slowly healing, and that he was paralyzed from the hips down.

I know how proud Jake is. He wouldn't want to face me like this. I cheated on him, and his opponent almost killed him, and now he was crippled. Just like his father had been. He knows first hand what that means.

I was hopeful about our relationship. I had no other choice. He would try to forgive me and I would wait for him. We still loved each other, and that's the most important thing, right? I just had to wait for his back to heal, or for him to accept his fate. No matter how long that would take.

For me it didn't matter. I would love him anyway, walking or not. Of course I would forever be reminded that it was my fault, and he might not be able to forgive me.

Another concern I picked up in Edwards mind was that he might not be able to phase anymore. And that would mean that he would age, grow old and die someday.

This was something I would not accept. Even though one day we had believed we chose the human life. Now we have had eternity within our grasp, I wanted it. Needed it. With him.

Today Jasper returned to the Cullens. I stayed at home. I didn't want to torture Jake even more by hanging around with Jasper. I have talked to Jasper over he phone, and we both agreed that we needed to be more careful, that we made a huge mistake and that this shouldn't happen again.

We needed to accept that the feelings we had for each other would not go away. Ever. And I would have to hear his thoughts and he would have to feel my feelings, and neither of us could be tempted by it. We both had a wonderful relationship that was worth very much to us. And we cherished our friendship as well. Alice took him back without a problem. She forgave him worse mistakes in the past, and she knew he was really trying. He believes she loves him more than he deserves. I hope Jake loves me more than I deserve too.

I used his therapy to get by the days without him. Work, work and work. My class distracted me very well, these kids were depending on me, and even though I only knew them for a week, I had spend a lot of time chatting with them, getting to know them. Especially Logan. He was kind of my favorite. He was stuck in this hospital bed, and he hated it. I was stuck at home alone, which I hated as well. Although he was the youngest of the class with his fourteen years, some of his views were surprisingly mature. One evening we were both online. I was reading some stories that he had written and submitting my comments. He suddenly said, or typed actually, that he knew I would be online, because I can't stand to be alone. Was I that obvious?

I got along with the other kids as well. This was so much different than teaching a regular class. The normal high school kids have the habit to resent school, and thereby their teachers. The kids in this class realize that it is actually a privilege.

Jasper didn't chat so much with the students. But they still loved him and his perfect realistic views of the civil war. If only they knew. Nowadays he spent most of his time with Alice or in solitude.

Alice wasn't angry with me. The first time I saw her back she pleaded me not to take her man away. She swore that I could. That he would follow me around the world if asked him to. I didn't believe her. I think Jasper needs her more than either of them know. I reassured her that I only wanted Jake to share my eternity with. She was never mad about the kissing. She actually thanked me to come up with my desperate solution. Because if Jasper had actually killed Jake, we would never see him again. I would have lost both. That was something I preferred not to think about.

Suddenly my doorbell rang. It was late at night, and I was still working of course. Nobody ever comes around without phoning first. I opened the door and there was Jasper.

"I'm here to prove a point." he simply said.

And he closed the distance between us, pulling me against his chest. I only felt confusion and he answered me with his thoughts.

_I want to prove that I can hold you without losing control. And I'll tell you I love till you feel the same way you did last week, and absolutely nothing will happen this time._

"Why?" I murmured "Who do you want to convince?"

_Everybody and nobody. You and myself the most. Hold me._

I was still a bit surprised, just standing there. But then I closed my arms around his back.

He was testing me. This might not be a bad thing. I could do this.

I pulled him closer as well, both of our bodies in a tight grip together. My head was on his shoulder, and his head lay against mine.

He lifted my chin with one hand, so that we were cheek to cheek again, and he whispered in my ear "I love you, Nessie. I always have and I always will. I can't imagine my life without you. I love you so much."

My insides turned upside down, my knees were weak. I loved him too. I didn't need to say it, he could feel it.

He lifted his head a little so that our foreheads were touching.

He stared into my eyes and said "I know you can feel it, Nessie. I feel the same. But we are okay, right?" he said softly "This feeling is something beautiful, but we can never _ever_ act on it again, because all goes to hell then. I see your lips now, and I want to hold you near all the time, but we need to remember how Jake lay there, what I almost did, and how Alice believes that she's not worth a faithful lover now."

I cringed at the thought.

"Hold on to that too. The lovesick feeling is nice, but nothing more. Remember Nessie, and help me remember as well, we changed."

"Indeed, we changed. I'll remember forever."

"And we still love each other, but we'll be okay, right?"

"Right. And we'll make it better for Alice and Jake again too. Because they do deserve everything."

"Absolutely."

He took my face in his hands, placed a soft kiss on my cheek and stepped back. _I just needed to prove that, sorry if I scared you_.

"That's okay. I think I needed that too. I don't want to be afraid all the time. To lose control. We changed."

He nodded. _And we'll help each other too. We won't hurt them. Never ever again_.

I nodded back. He told me goodnight and then left.


	34. Chapter 32 Exercise

**Chapter thirty two: Exercise**

**JPOV**

**July 6, Thursday**

Carlisle found out why my back wasn't healed. In fact it was all healed already. But not perfectly. Two bones in my upper back were sealed together, and a dislocated nerve was stuck between them. Keeping my lower body paralyzed.

He could fix it. There was hope. But it wasn't without a risk. He would need to break the bones again, in a very precise way. These bones were close to my neck, so the risk was higher than just the use of my legs. But if anyone could pull it off, it was Carlisle.

When I told Ness, she was crying, begging me not to do it. Asking me if my legs and my pride were worth more than our eternal life. I have to admit, pride was involved, but it wasn't all of it. I was pretty sure I couldn't phase anymore. So the life I would have if we didn't do anything, would be me growing old in a wheelchair, and her being my nurse who stuck around out of guilt. Because it was her fault.

When I saw that picture before me, I knew I'd rather be dead right now.

She thought differently of course. She would be the one left behind. But if we did nothing, she would be left behind as well. I wanted to keep the chance of an eternity with her. An eternity where we could forget that this Sunday ever happened.

I trusted Carlisle. He wanted to wait with this operation until all my other injuries were fully healed, and until I was completely recovered from all fever. I had to eat and rest, and perform all my exercises to keep my muscles strong. We couldn't wait too long, now there was still wolf healing power in my blood.

The exercises he gave me were simply stretching and massaging all the muscles that I didn't use for now. Most of them I could perform myself. It took me a lot of effort, but that was good on my upper torso muscles and arms as well.

Some, however, I needed help with. Carlisle couldn't stick around all the time. He was needed at the Cullens, who were still shaken a bit by what had happened. Vampires don't do very well with change.

Mostly Rachel helped me out. Carlisle showed her exactly how to do this, and where to pay attention to. She wanted to take the week off from work, to help me. But William came to the rescue, and told her he would do it.

I was very much surprised. I remembered how uneasy he had been the first time, with touching me. As humiliating as this stuff was for me, I wasn't ashamed around him anymore. The first days I was in a worse shape. A bloody mess who couldn't lift his own head. And he was there. My second in command. I somehow trusted him now.

He managed to get over his aversion to direct contact, and took care of the exercises. And he did with so much devotion that I recognized the old caring William again.

I felt sorry for him a bit, that he was stuck inside all the time, while the summer was all around. But he didn't seem so bad tempered anymore. I think he was enjoying the fact that he was needed.

He put my left leg down and walked around the bed to take care of the right. Twisting the ankle in all kind of bends, pulling and stretching. Totally focused. Then he took the oil and massaged my calf.

"Not much of a strong alpha now, huh?"

He looked up at me, but continued kneading. "I still think you're pretty strong."

"Come on, William, don't mess with me. I'm not drugged anymore."

"I'm serious. You just have to pull yourself together, that's all. I saw how you came in last week, and look at you now. That's strong. And I see how you try to forgive Nessie just like that. That's pretty strong too."

"You know, you surprise me every day, William."

His eyes were on my leg again. "How so?"

"Why did you only show the side of you that detested me?"

"Ever thought that maybe I liked you, and hated to?" He turned his back on me a bit, to lift my leg and continue the work. But I knew he did this to hide his face.

"Yeah. That's what Sam said, but I never believed him. You were too convincing." I grinned.

"Dad told you that?" He looked back at me again, surprised.

"Sure did. The old man's still pretty perceptive, huh? And he said that maybe you were intimidated by the super wolf stories," I added carefully. I didn't know if this new level of trust would bring him to admit weaknesses.

"That's not true," he answered calmly, he didn't seem insulted. "I never really wanted to be a hero." He shrugged. "Actually I was a terrible alpha. I know that. But I was out of control, and the harder I tried, the worse it got."

"Well, seeing how you take care of me now, and seeing how the other boys respect you still, I don't think you were that bad."

"But still somewhat bad, right," he chuckled, moving his attention up to my thigh.

"Sometimes yeah. I guess it's the alpha gene. I've done some things I'm not proud of as well. Like attacking a warrior vampire by myself."

"That was pretty stupid, yeah," he said, relaxed again, "but I get it. I would do the same I think. For someone I loved."

As if she had heard we were thinking about her, she called me up that moment. William wanted to leave, but I told him he could continue, before picking up the phone. I wanted the exercise over and done with for today.

"Hello Nessie."

"_Hey babe. Carlisle told me you are going through with the operation_." She immediately spilled what was on her mind.

"Yeah. I am."

She was silent. She knew there was nothing she could say or do to change my mind.

"_Can I at least see you before?"_

That was because I might not wake up. If I would die in that surgery, I wanted to see her before as well. I didn't feel that much of a loser anymore, now I knew I wouldn't be crippled for much longer. But still I didn't feel like facing her like this.

She read my silence and I could hear her sniffing.

"Please don't cry, Nessie."

"_I don't get it, Jake. I hear you let William take care of you now? I should be the one doing this for you. I'm your wife. I want to help_."

"I know you do, honey."

"_Why can he see you like this and I can't?"_ I could tell by the slightly higher pressure that William could hear her side of the conversation as well.

"It's different, honey. I didn't want anybody to see me. But they didn't let me much choice in the beginning. And now… he's seen me worse so I guess I don't feel bad about this anymore. You only saw me strong."

William sighed. He had just tried to convince me I was still strong. In vain.

"_You're still strong. You're the strongest man I know. I didn't choose you for your muscles. I'm not shallow. I love you for you. Even right now, when you're not entirely yourself. I love you still. I saw you through worse as well. Emotionally. And I was there for you. And I want to be there for you now too. Especially since I caused this pain. I want to make it go away_."

"You can't just make it go away, baby."

"_Yes I can. I've changed. I promise it won't happen again. You were right. I should have listened to you. I'll do anything_."

"I know you will. I'm just not sure what it is that I want you to do. You promised at our wedding as well."

"_I'm sorry,_." she sobbed. "_The same thing could happen to you as well. Don't tell me it can't, because this had nothing to do with lack of love for you_."

"I know. It's alright, Nessie. We'll get through this."

"_You just need to remember you told yourself to be fearless. Take the chance of getting hurt and live life to the fullest. And now I hurt us both. And maybe it won't be the last time. Maybe you'll hurt us next. But it's all worth it, right?"_

"Of course."

"_Please let me come over. I really need to see you. Hold you_."

A tear escaped my eyes now as well. I quickly wiped it away and I already regretted that I had let William stay. He was standing with his back to me, putting a lot of pressure my knee, pretending not to hear.

"Alright. I'm at Rachel's house."

"_I know. Right now_?" she said hopefully. And surprised. She thought her begging would be in vain.

"Yes."

The connection was broken, and I was sure she would be here in less then five minutes.

William stopped, coming to the same conclusion.

"Are you going to take her back just like that?"

"Not just like that. I think I've let her suffer enough for this week. And I really want to see her."

He shook his head disapprovingly and started to wash his hands in the sink.

"You don't think I should try and make things better again?" I bet he thought Ness would be single now.

Would he do that? Build a bond with me for over a week to steel my wife behind my crippled back?

I don't think he would.

"Whatever Jake. It's not my life," he said. In a bad mood again.

He put the covers back over my legs, and I pushed myself up and grabbed his wrist.

"William. What's the matter? I thought…"

He pulled his arm back as if I had burned him. "Don't!" he said, warningly. And then left.

I don't know what I thought. That we were friends maybe.

Guess not.


	35. Chapter 33 Hope

**Chapter thirty three: Hope**

**NPOV**

**July 6, Thursday**

I thought I would approach him with caution. Read his mind and see if he is okay with me being there.

But instead I couldn't hold back when I saw him. I forgot about possible left injuries and immediately crawled into the bed with him, my head in his neck, arm over his chest. A forceful hug. I covered his face with kisses and swore to never let him go again, uttering apologies over and over.

Both our faces were wet, but I think his was just covered in my tears. I was too exited to read any thoughts, but his eyes were wide with shock, so I'm not sure if there were many thoughts put to words.

I tried to calm myself down. If I should cause a back fall in his health, I wouldn't get to see him anymore.

"Oh Jake, I missed you so much, baby," I whispered. I took a deep breath. A human habit to calm the nerves and overwhelming emotions.

"Obviously," he grinned and wrapped his arms around me.

I sighed happily. Back in his arms, where I belonged.

"I could stay like this forever. You have no idea how good it feels to be close to you again."

"I think I do," he said, and hugged me a bit tighter.

"I know it's not all fixed. But right now, I just want to make sure you know how much I love you. And feel that you love me too."

"Me too. I do love you. And we'll deal with all the rest after."

We agreed not to talk about our row, about Jasper or about the fight and his back. Not now. We would just tell each other sweet things, and hold each other close. We didn't kiss though. I think the memory of my kisses with Jasper was still too fresh, so I didn't push him.

Laying like this, I didn't even notice his paralysis. I think he saw that as a plus. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't let me take care of him yet. Right now, we were both equal. Not the crippled one and the nurse. Not the betrayed and the guilty one. Just lovers who had missed the other. Holding on to each other as if it would be the last time.

It might be.

Somewhere during the evening Rachel came home and brought him dinner. I forgot all about food. Maybe I should have prepared him some. But it was hard from me to step away from him, even for just a minute. Rachel smiled at me, as if it wasn't all my fault he was in this position.

_I'm glad she didn't let him keep her at distance. He needs her. Look at him. He looks so much happier now._

I smiled back at her. Grateful. And she winked and disappeared again. After he finished his food, we crawled back under the covers, as close as possible.

"Only now, smelling your scent and feeling your warmth, I realize to the fullest how much I missed you."

"Me too, Nessie. I simply can't live without you. No matter what you put me through. We belong together."

Hearing him say those words made all bad feelings from these last weeks melt away. There was only love. Only Jake.

"Please let me stay the night, I promise I'll behave."

"You don't have to behave."

"Hmmm. Naughty. I like it."

"I meant that I'm not that fragile," he laughed, but then added, serious again "I didn't mean…"

"Right. Too soon. I understand."

"Not too soon. Just… I don't know if I can." He looked away now.

"That's okay."

"Everything still works. To some extent. But I haven't tested to what extent."

"Not in two weeks?"

"No. I've been kinda preoccupied. And never alone. And there was no one around to make me want to be naughty."

"How about now?" I kissed his neck in the spot that makes him shiver.

"Ness," he whispered softly "I don't know if we should do this."

"I think we should. If you're going to have surgery next week, then I want to make love to you now."

"I can't make love to you. And I can't let you either. I still need to be careful with my back."

"Then at least let me touch you. Can you feel this?" I lowered my hands over his boxers. I knew he wouldn't want me to take care of him, if he couldn't return. But right now, that was all I wanted. He was hard already. His protests wouldn't last long. I softly traced his bulge up and down and he moaned.

Two weeks is a long time for an alpha wolf. Very long.

_This feels damn good._

"Nothing wrong with these senses." I kissed his neck again.

"Ness," he said. It was a feeble attempt, because his arms were wrapped around me, and made no move to stop me. "This is not why I wanted you to come over." _But it feels oh so great_.

"This is not why I came over either. But being close to your body has this effect on me. Just relax and enjoy and then I'll behave the rest of the night."

He closed his eyes and hummed, as my hand slowly slid inside his underwear. I think that was a yes.

If he won't let me take care of him with his revalidation, then I would take care of him this way. One last time before his surgery. Maybe the last time ever. I discarded those thoughts and continued stroking him.

I wanted to kiss him so much, but I would wait until everything was cleared out between us. Perhaps I should have waited for that before wanting to share this intimate moment too, but I could feel that he needed it, and I wanted it.

His hips couldn't move with me, but his stuttering breath told me that he was close. Already. I slowed down, wanted this to last a little longer. I sat up and started to lower myself, wanted to please him in a different way, but he pulled me back up against him. Shaking his head shortly. I didn't understand.

_Don't go there. I don't want you to see._

Okay. I'll stay close to him, kiss his face and his neck instead. Slowly stroking him. Letting my fingers slide over his sensitive skin. Never really letting go.

_Please baby, no teasing. I need to come._

I can't resist a plead like that. I sped up my hand, giving him more pressure. And when he came he wrapped his arms tighter around me, burying his face in my neck.

I loved that sweet gesture, in the heat of the moment, he showed me that he understood this was not just a sexual thing. It was some affirmation of love.

When he recovered, he sighed relaxed and softly combed his hands through my long hair.

_I love you._

"I love you too, baby. Promise me you'll fight to get through this surgery."

"I'll fight. Promise." _And I'll fight for us too_.

"Alright. Now sleep. I'll be here when you wake up. If you want."

"Okay. Goodnight honey."

He slept in my arms, and I adored him all through the night. I tried to let him sleep, even though my hormones were urging me on to do something else. I would have to take care of me later.

I could hear Rachel getting up in the morning and prepare some breakfast in the kitchen. I got out of the bed, reluctantly, and went downstairs to talk with her. She summarized her story of the last weeks. She told me about how she proposed him to go for a walk outside in the wheelchair, which he discarded with a grunt. He didn't want to be seen like this. By anybody. I shouldn't take it personally. Only her and William have been allowed.

And William was very protective of his new leader. He has changed a lot. He even told the other wolves, who had vacation, that they were not needed. He was familiar with the exercises now, and would take care of them alone. When reading in Carlisle's mind that it was mainly William keeping him company, I was a little worried, knowing how they tend to bring out the worst in each other. But Rachel reassured me that both pack brothers got along great as far as she could tell.

Somewhere during this talk, a sleepy and grumpy Paul came downstairs, grabbed some coffee, and disappeared again. It was time for Rachel to leave as well, and as if on cue, William appeared at the door.

I could tell he wasn't too pleased to see me. I guess it makes sense, if he was protecting his pack leader. Not everybody could be as forgiving as Rachel.

"Hello William."

"Hello Nessie." _I hope you let him rest._

"Jake slept like a baby. I think I'll go check on him again."

"I need to start with the exercises in five minutes."

"I'm sure nobody's keeping time here, William. But thanks for taking such good care of him."

"My pleasure," he said, and sat down at the kitchen table. Letting me know that he wasn't going anywhere, and that he would wait until I was gone.

I went upstairs and I found Jake up already. I handed him the breakfast that Rachel prepared.

"William is waiting downstairs to claim his alpha wolf. Quite possessive, huh?" Seeing that he is _my_ alpha wolf.

"He's a strange kid sometimes. Turns with the wind. But he's good for me."

"Can I see you again before the surgery? I don't want to smother you, but I need a chance…" I stopped my sentence.

"To say goodbye," he finished it.

I looked down.

"Me too Nessie. I'll call you, okay? But don't be insulted if I don't ask you over every day. It's kinda hard for me, to show myself like this."

"I know. I understand. But you know it doesn't matter for me, right? I'm really glad you let me in yesterday. I feel so much better now."

"Same here. Now go before his mood turns bad again. That's not a pleasant thing. Especially not with exercises on the program."

I leaned down to kiss him on the cheek, but he turned his head, and softly kissed me on the lips. Giving me his sunshine smile.

Hope. A beautiful feeling.


	36. Chapter 34 Shock

**Chapter thirty four: Shock**

**JPOV**

**July 7, Friday**

Sending her home quickly was hard for me. In fact I wanted to ignore what had happened between us, and keep her with me. Every minute.

But William's mood was not an excuse. It was real. Although apparently my efforts were in vain. When he entered the room, and I gave him a big smile, he didn't even look at me.

Maybe he still couldn't believe that I gave her another chance. The boy hasn't been truly in love.

He removed the covers, and started working on my left foot. Loosening up all the tendons. Without a word or a look. At least he was gentle and not ventilating his frustrations through the exercises.

"Hope is a beautiful feeling, William. I'm not just forgetting everything she did. Only letting her know that I want to."

"Like I said, Jake, it's not my business."

"Then why are you so pissed, if it's not your business?"

He stopped and gave me a glare. "Maybe my mood is not entirely dependent on every single thing you do, Jacob. Maybe I have a life of my own. No matter how impossible this might seem to you now."

"I'm sorry."

His gaze softened.

"It's okay. I don't _really_ have a life of my own," he muttered.

I smiled at him and he gave me a faint smile back.

"What is really bothering you? You know you can talk to me. You've seen me at my worst."

"You don't want to know."

"What if I do?"

"Then I still don't want to talk about it."

"So you admit there is something wrong? Are there trouble at home?"

"No."

"With the pack?"

"No."

"A girl then?"

"Let it go. I told you I don't want to talk about it."

"So it's a girl. Ethan told me you are quite successful with the ladies at the rez." Please don't let it be Ness on your mind. Let it be a simple problem with a simple solution.

"Geez Jacob, has anyone ever told you how completely oblivious you are?"

I chuckled "Actually everybody keeps telling me this, yeah. What should I have noticed? Is it Ness?"

"No it's not Ness." he said, with a little more force. His hands were more forceful now too. Almost too forceful. I cringed a little.

"Sorry," he muttered, and continued the exercise gently.

"Then what is it? You're talking in riddles. How oblivious am I?"

"Let it go Jacob. I swear."

He didn't say it warningly. He only seemed hurt. Maybe some girl broke his heart in these last weeks and I haven't noticed. But I have been pretty preoccupied, with the fever and all. I wasn't going to push him anymore. He obviously really didn't want to talk about it. So I just stared out of the window.

It dawned on me that this might be his big secret he was trying to keep. The thing the other wolves knew but weren't allowed to talk about. Maybe this never really was about Ness.

When I looked back at him, I saw that his face was grimaced. He was fighting tears. I can't just let this go.

"Sit down, William." I pointed at the chair.

He obeyed, but didn't look at me.

"You don't have to be here. Not if you're hurt. Go fix whatever it is, and send someone else here. I'll tell them what to do with the exercises."

"I want to be here," he whispered.

I sighed. Stubborn. I stayed silent and just looked at him. After a while he looked up at me, through his lashes. I saw that his eyes were watery.

If it were anybody else, I would have hugged them now. But I know William doesn't like to be touched, so I didn't know what to do.

"You can't keep hiding secrets in a pack, William. And apparently you're not hiding it from the other wolves, just me. Why don't you trust me? I thought we were friends now?"

"You're right. I can't keep hiding. But I can't tell either. I actually planned to leave the pack. Now I see that you're a great alpha. I don't need to protect the other wolves anymore."

I think I was a little hurt by this.

"You like being a wolf. What could be so bad about me knowing? I might be able to help."

"No you won't... What the hell. If I'm leaving the pack, you might as well know."

He looked up at me. "I think I'm falling for you. And if you laugh now, I swear I'll finish Jasper's job myself."

His eyes were panicked. But I wasn't going to laugh.

I was thoroughly shocked. I _never_ saw this one coming. I didn't know what to say.

He got up to leave, but I grabbed his wrist and this time he didn't shake me off.

"Stay William, talk to me."

He sighed, and sat back in the chair. "There's nothing left to say."

"Of course there is. How long?"

"What? How long have I felt it? How long have I denied it? Hated you for it? Accepted it?"

This was bad. It hit me then. "Shit."

"You bet," he said, still with a serious face.

"So all this time, I thought Nessie…"

"I tried to fall for her. Because I had, in the past. I thought I could pick up where I left. But I was just a kid then."

"I'm sorry I never noticed, William."

"I'm glad for that. I tried to hide it. Just these weeks…"

"Must have been hard."

"Yeah."

"Now what?"

"Now nothing. I know you belong with her. I only have to snap out of it. Just don't tease me with girls anymore. Especially not with her."

"Oh," something else dawned on me "every time I thought you were jealous of me, you were actually jealous of her."

"Sort of."

"Are you really leaving the pack? For this?"

"I can't stay now."

"Of course you can. I figure the other boys know already?"

"They know bits and pieces. Some things are hard to hide."

"They never as much as thought about it, if it's any consolation."

"I forbid them. And I think I was convincing. Especially back then. I really, really hated it."

"And now?"

"These weeks have been hard, but in a way, it was good for me. For one thing because in spending all my time with you, I couldn't deny what I feel anymore. So I just had to accept it. For real. And second, I've been steering our conversation towards Seth and Damian several times, and the way you talk about them, it's almost as if they are normal people."

I laughed at this "of course they are normal people. What century are you from?"

"Things are a bit different if you're right in the middle of it, Jacob."

"Yeah. I guess that makes sense."

Now I also understood why he got mad at me, whenever I tried to touch him. Or whenever I called Nessie. He was right. I had been oblivious.

I sighed deeply.

"I'm sorry," he said, misreading me.

"Don't be sorry, William. I know you would change it if you could. I'm just mad at myself that I didn't notice. I guess the signs were there."

"Maybe I should have told you. Before I lay my hands on you." He looked down.

"The exercises are just revalidation. I don't mind. Not even now. If you don't. You're pretty good at it."

"I was just glad to be able to help. I wanted you to need me. To get to know the real me. Not the arrogant kid you hated."

"I never hated you either, but you're right that we didn't get along. Now I know why you acted the way you did, I understand."

"So you're glad I told you?"

"Sure. I mean. This sucks, obviously. But I guess I'm glad you trust me, yes."

He looked up at me like a pup is supposed to look up at his leader. Apparently he had expected me to send him away for good.

"Thanks for being so open minded."

"I might be old, but I've seen things. I for one have imprinted on a half breed. So yeah, I can be open minded. You think it will pass better now you accepted that you might be gay?"

"Maybe. I hope so."

"You should probably take some distance from me."

"I think so too. But not before the surgery. Let's see after that."

"Alright. Well then. Carry on", I pointed at my right leg. Giving him permission to continue.

I was more shocked than I let on. But I didn't want to show him.

He was obviously still struggling. Not just with his feelings for me, but with homosexuality in general. So I figured if I pretended this was no big deal at all, he would accept it easier. And move on.

He got op and stepped over to my foot, but didn't start.

"If you're not okay, ask someone else. If you are, then I am too."

He nodded and started on the tendons in my ankle. Clearly relieved. And I closed my eyes and pretended to fall asleep.

I needed time to process this.

* * *

**AN: The secret is out!!! What do you think?**


	37. Chapter 35 Scared

**Chapter thirty five: Scared**

**NPOV**

**July 14, Friday**

I was in my room. Waiting.

I could hear Carlisle passing by. Carrying my husband. He asked me not to watch. I would have carried him myself, but he begged me to let him keep his dignity, if there's any left after what happened.

He was brought towards the room that was rebuilt to an operating room, fully sterilized and equipped. Over the phone he kept his cool, but now he was here, I could hear his heart beating through the walls. Hammering.

I was scared too. We are two parts of one, without him I am nothing. I tried once, for five years, to go on without him and that entire time I had felt incomplete. Now we both found each other, it would be much much worse. We have had our piece of heaven.

There is this thought in the back of my head that keeps telling me things I don't want to hear. That perhaps it was so beautiful because it was never meant to last an eternity, that all the love was pressed together in five years of intense happiness.

It can't be. Five years with him was much more than I once hoped for, but I need more. I needed him forever.

"Nessie," I heard Carlisle say softly in the adjoining room.

I rushed in and wrapped my arms around Jake, crying already.

_What if I never get to see those beautiful blue eyes again?_

"Please Jake, don't think stuff like that."

"We have to think about that. If the surgery goes well, we'll have a lot of time to talk about everything else. But if it goes bad, this is our last conversation."

"You'll be fine. You're strong and Carlisle is the best."

"I'm so scared, honey. I shouldn't be, if it goes wrong I won't notice. But I don't want to leave you behind."

"You won't."

"Listen to me Ness. You have to promise me something. If anything should…" he swallowed "I want you to move on with your life. Cherish what we had, remember with happiness, but love again."

"I can't promise you that."

"What good are thirty years of friendship and love, if you are going to spend eternity feeling unhappy afterwards? Then it would not be worth it. Promise me you'll try. Maybe not right away. But someday you'll find your soul mate." _Even if it's Jasper_.

I just shook my head. This is not what I want our possible last conversation to be like.

_Please baby, you have to promise me. Please_. Tears were in his eyes now as well.

"Alright. I promise you I'll try. Probably not in this century, and I'll never love anyone the way I love you, but I'll try. Okay?"

"Okay. And there's another thing I want to tell you."

"What is it?"

"About what happened that Sunday."

"Please, let's not talk about that now."

"I need to. I want you to know I forgive you. If we get through this, I will need some time learning to trust again. But I do forgive you."

"You're just saying that because you don't want me to feel guilty for all eternity."

"Maybe so. But the fact that I care so much means that I forgive you." _I mean it._

I nodded. It did lift a weight of my shoulders. Some of the guilt. Not all of it. But some.

"And another thing. I need you to take care of my pack. Especially William."

"I think they will manage fine."

"I don't think so. William… well, alright, I better tell you so you understand why he acted strange around us both. He thinks he's got this crush on me, and he's having a major identity crisis."

"On you?"

"Is that so hard to believe?" he said with a small smile.

"From William, yeah, kinda."

"I was quite shocked myself, but anyway, I don't think he'll be just fine. And he's been taking care of me so well these weeks. So will you look after him?" _I think you'll do better too if you are taking care of somebody else. You're that kind of girl. _

"Okay. I will. Need any more promises?"

"Nah, that's about it," he smiled his sunshine smile at me.

"I'll make some more. I promise you I'll be here for you when you wake up. And I promise you we'll get through this, all of it. And I promise you that no matter what happens, I'll love you forever."

"Me too, baby. Come here."

I held on to him for the longest time, both of us crying.

Until I could hear Carlisle's mind.

_He's growing more anxious every minute. We need to get started, Nessie. His heart…_

I nodded at Carlisle, gave him permission to inject the anesthetics, but I couldn't let Jake go. He dozed off in my arms, his thoughts shipping between _I love you_ and _I'm scared_.

As were mine.

Esme and Bella peeled me off of him, only Carlisle and Edward would stay in the room. They almost carried me out of the house. If I stayed inside, I would be able to hear every cut and every bone break. The cabin would be an option, but after the incident I didn't go back there, and I probably never will. They took me to a clearing in the forest, and there we sat, cell phones nearby.

How was I supposed to stay sane?

Jasper stepped closer to the three of us and silently asked me _Allow me?_

I nodded and welcomed some of his calm. _Stay or go?_

"Please stay." I could hear in his mind that he was just as worried and filled with guilt as me.

My emotions were calmed, but my mind still wasn't.

I needed distraction. So I followed Jake's advise. After all, he knows me best. I used Bella's phone to keep mine available.

_"Hello."_

"Hi William, it's Nessie."

_"Do you have any news yet?"_ His voice sounded anxious. He really cared for Jake. I can't believe I didn't see this before. His whole protective act.

"Not yet. Um… Jake let me know you took very good care of him. Maybe you want to come over and wait here with us?"

"_He told you_," he stated.

I hesitated a few seconds. "Yes, but only because he cares for you too."

"_I know. Always the super wolf_."

"Yeah. So what do you say?"

"_I planned to phase and run around, but if I come over, I get the news faster, right?"_

"Yes. We're in the forest behind the house. You'll find us." Just smell the fear.

"_On my way_."

Esme went back into the house, and she was replaced by Tina. All other vampires stayed inside in case any help was needed. The ones that stayed with me - Bella, Tina and Jasper - were my minimal support group.

When William arrived, the five of us sat down in silence, all immersed in a shell of lethargy from Jasper.

And hours passed by.

From time to time Bella called Alice, who reassured us that everything was still going according to plan. I didn't really believe it, because in the best case scenario, the operation would be finished by now.

At some point during the day, Emmett stepped into the clearing, carrying three elks. He brought us diner. We could all go for days without blood, but I think he just wanted to feel useful. I guess everybody in the house was going crazy too.

Two times Esme called us, on Bella's phone, to ask if were all still okay. She's probably stressing over the fact that she can't take care of all of us.

When the evening fell, Rachel joined us and we started to receive nervous phone calls from Seattle. Whenever a phone rang, I almost got a stroke. So Bella told Eve and the rest that she would call them if there was any news, and asked not to call us anymore. Keep our lines free. There were now six cell phones to stare at, although we previously agreed that they would call my number.

And more hours passed.

Still Edward and Alice couldn't give us anymore details, but we all had this feeling – without saying it out loud – that the long surgery could not be a good sign. Our hopes were slowly fading and Jasper's calm was losing it's effect. Or maybe he was just exhausted and too worried himself.

And then finally my cell phone rang.

We all stared at it, as if it was an alien device landed at our feet from outer space.

My trembling hand reached out for it, Carlisle's number was on the screen.

I pressed the accept button but no sound came over my lips.

"_Nessie, the operation is over_."


	38. Chapter 36 Stoned

**Chapter thirty six: Stoned**

**JPOV**

**July 15, Saturday**

When I woke up, slowly, the first thought in my mind was "_where's Nessie?"_.

"Right here baby." She grabbed my hand and squeezed in it. I groaned, and she let go a little. I was entirely encapsulated in some harness, so my hand was actually the only part that she was allowed to touch. She hovered over me so her face came in my line of sight.

I felt dizzy and weak. There was no room for emotions in my current state. Nessie had emotions enough for the both of us. Crying and whispering I love you's. I could hardly feel any excitement myself, but I did enjoy the sight of happy Ness.

The second clear thought in my mind was "_am I still crippled?_"

I tried to move my toes, but nothing happened.

"Not yet, honey. We need to wait for the swelling to go down. But Carlisle says that he managed to free the dislocated nerve. It was a very tricky operation with lots of complications. A human would not have survived."

At this she started crying again.

"Hush," I said, and lifted my hand to wipe her tears away. My voice was raspy and my mouth dry. She immediately gave me a wet cloth to suck on. I was fed by a tube in my arm, as I wasn't allowed to move my head.

"They had to break several neck bones, and now we need them to heal properly."

My dizziness was slowly turning into nausea.

"Carlisle, can you come over please. He's not feeling well."

The doctor stepped in and I saw him put something into my Baxter.

He took his flashlight and looked into both my eyes. I think he was pleased because he smiled. But I was dozing off again, so I didn't understand what he told Nessie.

* * *

Next time I woke up, the nausea was gone, but my entire chest and back were hurting. Badly. Again Nessie was with me in an instant. She now added the drugs herself and said into the air "Jasper, give me a hand here? Until the meds kick in." The pain was instantly fading, but I stayed awake. I looked into her worried face and wondered if I was doing worse now than the previous time I woke up.

"No baby, you're doing great. I just wish I could help you some more. I'm that kind of girl." She smiled, reassuringly.

I remembered a previous conversation. Did anyone call my sister and William?

"Of course. They've been here all day. We couldn't get him to leave so Esme went shopping for food. Lot's of food."

I smiled weakly.

"You want to see them?"

Not yet. I think the meds are…

* * *

"He's waking again."

"Any pain?"

"No not yet."

"He'll need to do the exercises again."

"I want to help with that."

"He didn't want you to do them last time."

"We'll ask him."

"Huh?" I uttered. I wasn't quite there yet. "Ask me what?"

"Nothing to worry about for now, honey. How are you feeling?"

"Stoned."

Several voices chuckled.

"That's good I guess."

"Could be worse."

"Actually I'm hungry."

"You can't be hungry. You are constantly fed intravenously."

"Hmmm."

As if on cue, my stomach growled.

Again people were laughing.

Told you I was hungry.

"We can't lift your head up to eat, but you can have some liquid food through a straw, fill your empty stomach."

"Sure sure."

"How's milk shake?"

"Great."

"I'll get it."

Who are all these people?

"Let's give him some rest. Nessie will take care of the food."

"Yeah. Rest. Nessie."

The milk shake was delicious. The meds were slowly fading in my blood, and some pain was moving back in. Not too much. I asked her not to sedate me right away. I wanted to be conscious for a little while.

"Nessie, can you do me a favor?" I want to test something.

"Of course. What is it?"

"Touch my legs, see if I can feel everything."

She moved her hand from my side over my hips to my thighs, my knees, all the way down to my feet. I was happy my senses were still in tact.

"Carlisle says that the breaks are starting to heal and the swelling is coming down slowly."

"Good."

"But it can still take several more days before you can use your muscles again. And even then you'll have to be careful. He thinks you should start your exercises again." She looked at me questioningly.

"Oh." I could see where she was going. But being able to help me was important for William.

She looked disappointed now.

"I tell you what. I'll let you feed me." Isn't that the most important part?

She smiled and shook her head slightly "Always the super wolf."

"That's me, babe."

"Can I stay?" she asked.

"You'll have to ask him, he's the physiologist." He's got the crush and you're a mind reader, so I'm guessing he won't want that.

"That's what I feared."

You don't trust him? Read anything wrong in his mind?

"No. He adores you. And he knows you're mine," she grinned. Something dawned on me.

"Baby, you're not jealous are you?" She looked insulted.

"What if I am? You've been with him constantly the last weeks."

I couldn't help but laugh "Honey, last time I checked I was straight."

"So was he."

"Well then, you're just going to have to trust me, aren't you?" I grinned.

"Guess I am."

Maybe I shouldn't have so much fun with this, but I thought it was pretty hilarious that she was jealous about a guy now. She was probably just insecure that I wouldn't be able to forgive her, although I have told her I already had. When I looked into her sad face, I felt sorry for her though.

"Come here honey, let me kiss you."

Her eyes brightened instantly, and she leaned over me, very carefully.

When her lips touched mine, I opened my mouth slightly and she tilted her head and softly licked my tongue. I sighed happily and her fingers gently combed through my hair. I thought to her: I love you baby, don't worry, everything is going to be fine. I can feel it.

She hummed her agreement, without breaking contact. It was hard to keep still, my hand went to her neck, to keep her a little closer to me. But she pulled back.

"We have to be careful with your neck. You just get better soon, okay?"

"Alright. Send my med staff in. I'm ready to work."

She gave me another soft kiss and stepped out of my vision, to be replaced by Carlisle and William.

The doctor gave me a quick check up. He took the bed remote and carefully lifted the mattress a bit, so I had a better view over the room. And then William could start with the now familiar pattern of exercises.

"Man, I can't believe the smell in here." He wrinkled his nose and I laughed, careful not to move.

"It takes some getting used to, yeah."

"How did you manage to survive around this for so long?"

"I was in love. So I endured it." Just like you are enduring it now, I thought.

He understood. Continued the work without further mentioning any annoying vampire habits.

I wanted to know if he was still okay. Feeling the way he did around mind readers and an empath. But by asking, I would reveal even more to their ears, and I didn't want that.

Instead I said "I hope I can go home soon." And with that I meant with Nessie or to the rez. Away from involuntary intruders.

"I hope so too," he said. His eyes rested on my face. "I can't really talk here."

"Is there something you want to talk about?" I shifted my gaze towards my cell.

"Not with the mind readers around. I'll wait."

"Alright."

He finished the exercises in a relaxed silence. I watched him as he handled all my tendons and joints with the most devotion. It was really a shame that the love of such a sweet and caring person would go to waste on a straight married guy.

I didn't think he was suffering too much though. I more believe that he was glad the first person he happened to fall for was somebody impossible to get. He's only just accepting feeling the way he feels, not ready for anything more. And with me he's safe for that.

After he finished up the last exercise, he covered me with blankets again and washed the remaining lotion from his hands.

"I'll go home now for a while. No offence to anyone who hears, but these vampires don't really remember how much young wolves can eat. I'll see you tomorrow." He stepped to the door.

"William?" he looked back at me "Thanks for being here."

He smiled and then went off.


	39. Chapter 37 Step

**Chapter thirty seven: Step**

**NPOV**

**July 23, Sunday**

_Look at her. Isn't she absolutely adorable, chewing that pen and pretending to be busy with assignments?_

I fought a smile.

_Gotcha, knew you were listening._

I looked up at him. "Sorry, didn't mean to eavesdrop."

"Sure sure, my thoughts are just so thrilling, I bet."

I grinned wider "I'm just glad to have you back home."

"Yeah, I'm glad too. Although I'm slowly starting to go insane here. This wolf wants to run."

"I know, honey. But you know what Carlisle said."

"I know. Keeping up the exercises is the only thing I can do for now." _Just make sure you remember what my condition for coming home was_.

"I remember. Am I nursing too much now?"

"Almost. You have to admit you're not paying as much attention to your class as before."

"I'll catch up when you're sleeping." I put the laptop away and sat down on the edge of his bed.

"What are you going to do tonight? During exercises?"

We agreed that I wouldn't stick around when William would stop by twice a day. That's too bad, because I would be really interested in knowing just how much that boy likes my man. And what is on his mind when he gets to massage him. Jake is not worried at all, but I am. A little.

"I don't know yet. Hunting maybe." Or maybe run over the assignments with Jasper. I didn't say that out loud though.

"You hunted yesterday. Nessie, if you want me to trust you, you need to be honest."

"I thought maybe I could…"

"Jasper?"

"Well, the assignments… But if you don't want me to…"

"It's okay baby, I know I can't keep you away, just, please don't lie."

"I'm sorry." I sighed deeply.

"Hey, look at me," he grabbed my hand and I looked into his dark brown eyes "I would rather have you tell me you wanted to kiss him and were able to fight it, than hearing you say you're not affected at all, because that means you are still being naïve and fooling yourself, which is much more dangerous."

"I don't want to kiss him," I said softly.

"You will. I know that now. Vampire's feelings don't change. He's felt like this forever, and you probably will too. If you want us to work, you're gonna have to live with it. And I'd prefer that to be without acting on it."

"Me too."

I thought about his words, while he was absently stroking my hand.

"So… you believe that me and Jasper will, in a way, love each other forever, and you are okay with that?"

"Being okay is a big word. But I understand I have no other choice if I want to keep you around."

"And you still want to keep me around? You don't think you want someone that loves only you?"

"I only want you, Nessie. And you are _sooo_ worth it. But please try to control it. Because it does hurt me."

"I don't want to hurt you, honey." I crawled into the bed with him, on top of the blanket, hugging him close. "And for what it's worth, I don't think I'll ever want to kiss him again, after what happened…"

He pulled me close, nuzzling my hair. "Never is a long time. Let's just agree that you'll be honest with me. Even if you think you'll hurt me."

I lifted the cover and got underneath, I wanted to be as close as possible.

And then I felt it.

As soon as my cold feet touched his warm feet, he pulled away. A thing we used to make fun of. My feet were cold as a human as well.

We both gasped.

_It was a reflex. Just a reflex._

I shifted my foot again, poked my cold toe against his foot. He didn't move. But he tensed up. Just the slightest bit.

He was too focused. So I thought of a plan.

I straddled his waist, leaned down and started to kiss him. He was on to me and my plan, but kissed me back anyway. His arms were wrapped around me, pulling me close to him. The kiss became more heated, deep and passionate. He had to be affected, all he got for weeks was one hand job. I nibbled his neck and moved my hips against him.

And then I felt it again. He moved. Underneath me.

I didn't show. Afraid that he would tense up again. In fact, my little plan was affecting me as well. As long as he wasn't stopping me, I would go through with this. Make love to him. Carefully.

_How did we go from talking about Jasper to this so fast? Is she thinking about him?_

I stopped kissing him and rested my head on his chest, whispering "I wasn't, honestly."

"I'm sorry. I do trust you, I don't know where that thought came from."

"That's okay. It's probably just too soon. I can be patient, if you can."

"Sure." He hugged me tight.

"I've got some good news for you. I don't know if you noticed, but during our little make out session, you were moving. These hips were alive, baby."

"I was?"

"You bet. Try moving your toes, I won't watch."

_It works. I think I moved. _

I knew he did, I had heard the blanket rustle.

I jumped up from the bed "I gotta call Carlisle!"

"Wow, wait a minute. Let's not call him yet. What if it goes away?" he said, but he couldn't hide his excitement either. He pulled himself up on the bed frame, until he was almost upright, tossed the blankets on the ground and watched his foot, as he moved it again.

"Alright honey! Now try the other one!"

All ten toes wiggled and he looked up at me, smirking. "Let's get out of this house!"

"Isn't that a little fast?"

"Honey, I _need_ some air. I'll let you support me."

I agreed.

"But let me try by myself first."

I nodded again, taking a step back. I was extremely alert. If he should become overconfident, and should fall, I would be with him in less than a second; his healing back was on my mind.

He took a deep breath and then slowly started to move his feet over the edge of the bed. I could see now that he wouldn't be strong enough to walk yet. But I let him. For the first time he was able to sit up.

_Guess I'm gonna have to be more patient_. He thought with a sigh when he realized.

"This is a major step, honey. We'll get there." I closed the distance and stood before him, our eyes on the same height. "If you want to go outside, I can still help you."

"No, I don't want to be carried. I'll wait. Can't be much longer now. At least I'm up. Which means I can eat," he grinned. _Huuuungry_.

"Any requests?" I smiled back at him. How could I not? That smile of his makes me happy.

While he was thinking his request, I kissed him softly on his lips. _Pizza. Hamburger. Fries. Ice cream. Chocolate. Meat balls. Need me to go on?_

"Is this a challenge? Because if it is, you're on."

"Just pizza then. For now. And I guess we need to call Carlisle now."

"Go ahead. I'll run for pizza. What topping? Barbecue chicken?"

"You know me." And again that brilliant smile of his.

I was hopeful. We'll get there. Step by step, literally.


	40. Chapter 38 Surprise

**Chapter thirty eight: Surprise**

**JPOV**

**August 1, Tuesday**

Revalidation was going great.

Slow, too slow, of course. But still moving on.

Today I wanted to surprise Ness. I managed to keep it a secret by thinking about food all morning. She knew I was hiding something, but didn't know what. I was going to try to phase, now she was at the Cullens, teaching her summer class. This means she's with Jasper right now. But I was so excited about my experiment, that I managed to keep my mind away from him.

I took my crutches and dragged myself outside. I went to the back of the garden, where the forest begins and once in between the trees, I sat down and started stripping. Dressing and undressing was even more challenging than walking, but I had time. Lots of it. I put my clothes on a pile, with my crutches and took a deep breath.

And phased.

It went so easy, if I had known this, I probably would have managed to phase sooner.

I told myself to phase every day from now on, wolf healing power could help me with the revalidation.

I convinced myself my wolf muscles were stronger than my human ones, and started walking into the forest. Away from my cage, I felt this freedom and it made me bold. I started to gain a little speed. Even though this was only a slow trot compared to the maximum running speed, it was absolutely amazing.

But then I got tired. And it wasn't the kind of tiredness that you can overcome using will power. It was the kind that made my legs give from under me. This was not good. I was still a fair distance away from home. If I had to drag myself back, then that would be pretty annoying. So I lay down on the ground and decided that a little rest would have to do the trick.

Somehow, I fell asleep. Unfortunately this little nap did not help me recover. I guess I just overdid it, and now my back was protesting. Dragging it is.

It was then that I noticed another voice in my head.

It was William. I hadn't seen him in a few days, since I didn't need help with the exercises anymore. He was free to come over anytime, but I guess he was just taking some distance.

_Not exactly. I'm just… not needed anymore I guess. _I could feel his pain of loss.

_I never said you were not needed anymore._

_Well it's true isn't it. But don't worry, I'll get over it._

I mentally sighed. _William, don't be like this. If you want to come over, just do so. I'll always be grateful for the help you gave me. _

_You don't owe me._

_I know, we're pack family, I would have done the same for you. But because of the pack, our bond should go beyond exercises, don't you think?_

_Yeah, I guess._

_When I say that you're welcome anytime, I mean it. I like you._

He was keeping thoughts away from me, and I was trying not to hear or feel them. This was the first time we were both wolves and inside each other's heads.

_So you're back to alpha business? _He moved the mental conversation to a safer topic.

_No, not yet. I kinda overdid myself a little._

_How do you mean? Did you hurt yourself?_

_Just a little tired. Alright, a lot tired. Which is ridiculous, I only walked for about a mile._

_You know, sometimes you can be so damn impatient. Why did you have to go for a mile? How are you going to get back?_

_Practice my patience. _I mentally smirked.

He saw an image in my mind. _You're going to drag yourself for a mile?_

_Kind of._

_Stay where you are, I'm coming over._

I wouldn't let him help me, I was too stubborn, but he came over anyway.

He walked next to me, as I was slowly making my way back home. Very slowly.

_You know, this proud act you're pulling here might be bad for your recovery._

_You think so?_

_Yeah. Why don't you just let me carry you back? I won't tell anybody._

_I know you won't. But the thing is, my clothes are back there._

_Oh…_

Silence.

_And you think you're too hot to handle?_

_I know I am._

_Right. Okay, then you phase back, put on my clothes and I'll carry you on my back._

That might be a good idea. Werewolves are extremely strong, and a lot bigger than normal wolves, so it would not be a problem for him.

_No it wouldn't._

_Alright. Turn around._

I phased back and untied his clothes from his leg. After I put them on, he got down to the ground and I pulled myself onto his back. I would have to hang on with my arms, because my lower body was still not cooperating.

I hoped I didn't cause a fall back in my recovery. My surprise for Nessie would have to wait a bit, because a dragging wolf is a pathetic sight.

I balanced myself on William's back, my arms around his neck, and hands fisted in his fur.

"I'm ready. Not too fast, okay?"

He walked back, without running, but with a steady pace. It was easier than I thought. I rested my head on his neck and was only focused on the rhythm of his steps. When we got to the garden, I changed into my clothes, while William was waiting patiently and then I handed him back his. He phased and changed as well.

I invited him in for a beer. I knew he wanted to come in, and I needed the distraction from thoughts about Jasper. With the help of my crutches I was able to get inside, and hop to the couch. William got two beers from the fridge and sat down next to me.

"That was over a mile," he said, and he looked at me as if I had been a bad boy.

"Yeah. I said I kinda overdid it. Good thing you were near."

"Good thing indeed," he said, thoughtfully, and took a long sip of his beer.

"You see, an alpha always needs his beta. Whether it's for exercises or for helping after messing up."

He smiled at me, but didn't answer. The air seemed a little tense. The wolf back riding sure was an experience.

I turned on the TV and switched to sports channel. We both emptied our cans in silence.

"So…" he trailed off after a while.

"So."

"I'd better get going then."

"You can stay longer if you want." I'm only waiting for her to come home.

"What do _you_ want?"

"I want you to stay. Another beer?"

"Sure."

He got up and got us both a second can.

Another long silence.

After the beer was finished, he stood up again.

"I'm going now, will you be alright?"

I took my crutches and got up from the couch as well, to let him out. It wasn't needed, he had let himself out when I wasn't able to walk as well, but it seemed like the polite thing to do.

I leaned against the doorpost and thanked him again for helping me out.

He watched me in silence, not yet stepping away. Instead, he stepped closer and embraced me. A friendly hug?

I patted his back, a bit uncomfortably.

He pulled back a little, his arms still around me, his face too close to mine. And just when I was about to say something about my unease, he kissed me. Full on my lips. Pressing my body against the wall behind me.

I kept myself upright with one arm, and used to other to push him away from me, gently.

He broke the kiss, obviously puzzled.

"What are you doing, William?" I grabbed his arm in my free hand, not forcefully, but insistently, so that he wouldn't run.

"I… I thought you wanted me to."

"Why did you think that? I'm with Nessie."

"I know. Just… You know how I feel and you keep me around. You told Ness you want me to do the exercises. And you said you liked me. And the way you held me on the walk back.. I thought…"

He looked down. Hurt. Humiliated.

"I was only being your friend, William. I'm straight, one hundred percent."

"I thought so too. At first. But you're giving me these signals… Are you telling me that didn't mean anything?" He looked back into my eyes. Still very close to me.

"I don't know what signals you are talking about. I figured that this was your first man crush, and if I pretended it was no big deal, you would easier accept who you are."

"So you pretended?"

"Don't take that personally. Obviously if a friend is falling for me, to me that is a big deal. Whether it is a boy or a girl. I don't want to hurt anybody."

"So you thought you should lead me on a bit?" His hurt was being replaced with anger now. "Out of pity?"

He pulled his arm from my grasp.

"Please William. I didn't mean to. I actually thought you were only crushing on me because you knew I was straight and therefore safe. Guess I was wrong."

He sighed. "Maybe I should leave the pack. It's clear to me that these feelings won't just fade and I can't seem to keep distance. I'm sorry."

"No William," I said, and I added softer "I don't want you to leave."

He stepped closer to me again.

"See, that's the kind of signal I'm talking about. The way you keep letting me know you want me around. Why is that? If you don't feel anything?"

His closeness made me nervous. But I tried not to show, not sure if this would come across as a signal as well.

"Well, first, I feel it's still your pack that I took over and second, can't I just like you? Nothing more?"

He looked even more confused now.

I suddenly reminded myself of Bella. Once. A very very long time ago.

She knew a boy who had a crush on her. The boy was good for her, so she decided to be selfish and keep him close. Let him know how much she liked him, so that he thought that maybe, one day…

"I'm sorry, William. I'm only thinking about me. If you need to go, then I'll let you. But maybe it's better if I retreat from the pack, and you can be alpha again. You'll do a better job this time. You've changed a lot these last months."

He placed his warm hand on my cheek. "Are you sure there's no hope for an us? Ever?"

"Yes. I'm sorry."

He nodded and dropped his hand.

"I'll think about the pack stuff. Sorry for assaulting you."

Then he stepped back, turned around and disappeared into the forest.


	41. Chapter 39 Forgiving

**Chapter thirty nine: Forgiving**

**NPOV**

**August 23, Wednesday**

_**Three weeks later**_

_It's amazing how enthusiastic they are about this. It just shows how lonely some of these kids are._

I smiled at him. "It was a good idea, this reward for passing the course with good grades."

"I only thought of it halfway through, when I begun to feel that they started to care for each other. Without ever seeing the other."

"What will you do if they don't pass?"

"I'll think of something. Already bought the plane tickets." He smiled.

"I'm so excited about finally meeting them." Alice's happy voice chipped.

"Me too," Jasper and I responed in unison.

We shared a quick look and then averted our eyes.

In a way, our kiss had been good for Alice and Jasper. She finally was able to talk to him about her insecurities, about how she feels he's a different person around me. He reassured her that this doesn't mean he loves me more, it's just something that comes naturally.

Now he is trying to let her in more. My love for him made him more confident about himself. Sure Alice loves him just as much, probably more, but he always thought she needed him around to have someone to rescue. He never thought that she loved him for who he is, and who he can be.

Me loving him, without getting anything in return for it, made him open his eyes. Understand that he is worth caring for. It was a major step in forgetting about his murderous past. This, and her lowered self esteem, gave him the courage to show her the real Jasper.

He let her in on the summer class teaching. She helped him whenever she could, even though the school stuff was not really her thing. It was important that she could be a part of it, as it was previously something only me and him shared. It meant a lot for her.

All this made it easier on me as well. I felt less guilty about caring so much for this class, now it was not just a Nessie and Jasper thing.

I couldn't get Jake to care as much about the class, but I understood. He was very busy with catching up on all he had missed, the garage, the shop at the rez, his pack. And on top of that he spent many hours a day working on revalidation.

He was doing most of it alone now, since William isn't stopping by anymore.

I don't know what happened between them, but I figure it has something to do with William's crush, because he practically runs away from me, whenever my mind reading self appears.

As long as Jake didn't tell, I wouldn't ask.

To be honest, I was a little glad that William was out of the picture. They were getting awefully close, and even though I am convinced that Jake is straight, you never know, right? We all had been pretty sure Rose was straight too, including Rose herself, until Tina came along. When you fall in love, there's nothing you can do about it.

"Ness, you're not paying attention."

"I'm sorry. Just thinking."

Alice looked at me, putting her pencil down. "How are you and Jake?"

"Better." I didn't want to be too overjoyous, didn't want to hurt Jasper. But thinking about how much better me and Jake were these days made my heart flutter, and he felt it too.

_That's okay Nessie, I want you to be happy, as happy as you can be._

"You'll be okay right?" Alice asked, worriedly.

"We'll get there," I reassured her. "Now let's continue working on these exams."

All three of us focused again on the test before us and started making corrections. All too soon, Alice remembered something she had to do and ran off.

Me and Jasper grinned at each other. Alice wanted to help, but she has a short attention span for the boring stuff. I think if she would have been a kid in this century, she would have been diagnosed with ADHD.

Somehow my eyes rested a little too long on his face. Gazing into his eyes. We were no longer smiling, the look became more longing.

_Don't look at her lips. Focus on something else. On what? She's beautiful all over._

It was hard to tear away my eyes from his face, I hoped that it would get better with time. I eventually succeeded, first closing off my mind reading and then remembering my wolf. It helped.

I put the pen down and stood up. "I guess I better go home now," I said without looking at him. I grabbed my keys and went for the door.

Before I left, I turned around. He was looking down at the table "you're not answering my thoughts," he whispered.

"I'm not reading. It's easier if I tune out. What were you asking?"

He got up and went outside, motioning for me to follow. We got away from mind reading and vampire hearing.

"I was wondering if you heard anything in his mind, after our conversation last week."

"Nothing that he didn't tell you. I'm sure he was perfectly honest. And glad to have had this talk."

"He can't be. I can't believe he's willing to forgive me. Even blame himself for starting the fight."

"Well, he did start the fight. But we gave him a reason first. I guess the three of us were wrong that day. And we all agree that we want to stay in each other's lives, so willing to forgive is important here."

"But still… He's this possessive wolf."

"I know. It doesn't make sense that he's not more pissed at us. I guess somehow he figured that this part of me that is yours, has always been yours and that you never took it away from him. He knows me inside out and he knows what you and I share. More than I did. It's just the kissing he can't live with. And as long as we can behave, we should all be fine."

"It's hard sometimes. Behaving."

"Yes. But we've got so much to lose."

"Thanks for not bailing out on me."

"I would never."

"How bad is it now? Scale of one to ten?" he asked

"I would say six. It was worse inside."

"It's still too much for a hug. Let me know if you're at zero, okay," he joked.

"If you manage to get me at zero, it means you have messed up big time, and then a hug is no good idea. Let's say three is huggable," I joked back.

"I am seven something now... I agree. Three is huggable. See you tomorrow?"

"Alright. See you."

I ran home and found Jake on the tredmill. That sweaty body of his turned me on instantly. He stepped off and came my way. When he hugged me close and smelled my arousal, his mind was suspicious.

"This is all for you, honey. Looking good," I quickly said, while I let my hand slide over his wet abs.

"And Jasper? How was it?" _I'm_ _only working my ass off on this stupid tredmill because I can't stand stupid Wednesdays_.

Moody.

"At max about seven on a scale to ten," I answered, eyeing his reaction carefully. Using the scale was actually an easy way to communicate about awkward things.

"And how close were you?" _To make that seven into a ten_.

"Not close at all. I got up and left."

He sighed in relief, but his brow remained furrowed.

_I hate stupid Wednesdays._

"I think you are hungry. How about some spaghetti?"

I know what usually works best to get rid of this kind of mood. Some steamy hot sex. But we were still not quite there yet, so food is the second best choice.

Maybe we _were_ there, I don't know, we were being carefull. With his back and with his emotions. He had been betrayed before by his ex wife, and therefore it was hard on him, learning to trust me completely again. I knew he wanted to sleep with me, but as long as his mind was not entirely into it, not trusting one hundred percent, we limited our sexual behavior to getting each other off manually.

I wanted our first time together again to be like renewed vows, like a promise of forever, like a forgiveness.

And I was patient.

Sometimes he would still be angry with me, for not being able to forget about Jasper. And he was very much entitled to his anger.

Or he would be in a bad mood, like right now. But I knew that was partially because of the revalidation as well. He hated to be less strong than he had been. Physically and emotionally. He hated that a lot of us had seen him at his weakest. He needed to get over that as well.

"You mean Spaghetti a la Ness?"

"Is there any other?"

"You're the best," he smiled, and pulled me against his sweaty body in a sweet hug.

Already the prospect of food made him feel better. Sometimes even complicated men can be easy to please.


	42. Chapter 40 Beat as One

**Chapter forty: Beat as One**

**JPOV**

**August 23, Wednesday**

She got into the kitchen and took out all she needed to prepare my favorite food. And I went to the bathroom for a quick shower. I hurried back so I could rest on a chair in the kitchen, and watch her.

We took it slow, my Nessie and me. Too slow, sometimes, but our bond was way to precious to not handle it with the most care. I wanted us to be alright so much. I hated to be scared. I hated that I still didn't trust her. With him.

I wanted our relationship to be perfect, but it never was from the start. We carried this past with us, a past in which I had abandoned her, ran off and married someone else. She forgave me without ever resenting me for it. And then there's her love for Jasper. It doesn't take away from her love for me, she's got plenty to give. But I would never have all of her heart.

No, it wasn't perfect. But it was still the most beautiful thing imaginable. It was still paradise, despite our struggles. Just to be with her. My girl.

And then it dawned on me.

That it simply didn't matter, all the rest.

If I had stayed with Eve a year longer, Ness would have still loved me, and waited for me. And if she should slip up again, and kiss Jasper, I would still love her as much, and forgive her again.

As long as we love each other most in the end.

If this was true, I didn't need to be scared anymore. And neither did she.

I don't have to be absolutely certain that she would never ever kiss him again, I only had to trust that she would come back to me, that she would try her very best not to hurt me and try to make me happy, and that she loves me most of all.

I already believed all those things.  
With all my heart.

While I was realizing this, I noticed that she had turned off the stove and was standing in front of me, reading my thoughts, eyes watery. She wrapped her arms around me, and I held her too.

And something clicked into place again.

I only ever needed to grasp this.

She was my soul mate, and will forever be my soul mate. And her only flaw is caring too much about her best friend. And one of my flaws is being too possessive. So we both had to compromise. I had to let go, and she had to be careful.

We could do this. This was an issue before as well, only then we never talked about it.

"I feel the same" she whispered, as she straddled my lap to hug me closer "All the rest doesn't matter. It's only you and me. You are my soul mate, my wolf, my home, no matter what."

"I know," I answered "I have faith in that, in us."

I kissed her cold lips, warming them up with mine. And she kissed me back with fervent. Tears of relief and happiness were on her face, and probably on mine as well.

Maybe this is truly what forgiveness is about. Understanding that you still love them with all your heart, flaws and all.

"I would love you too, with al my heart, if I had one."

"You have one, honey. You can't hear it there, but I hear it here." I pointed at my chest "I'm keeping your heart safe with mine, and our hearts... they beat as one."

"Oh Jake, there's so much I want to say right now, to describe what I feel, but none of it seems enough."

"Then let's assume we both feel the same way. And don't say anything. Just make love to me."

She looked me in the eyes while she slowly got up. She took my hand in hers, and without breaking eye contact, we got upstairs to our bedroom.

I was no longer scared, I knew she was thinking about me. I knew I was her favorite person in the world.

My possessive side was giving me a break. Her eyes told me she was all mine, and that was all that was needed.

We kissed lovingly, just standing there, next to our bed. We undressed each other, hardly ever breaking the kiss. And then she lay back on the bed, pulling me with her. Her gaze was on my face, waiting for me to tense up again. But I didn't.

I knew I was home. I knew I belonged to her, and she belonged to me.

We were kissing again, while I entered her. Moving my hips slowly against hers.

One.

We made sweet love. Tender, gentle, soft.

And it felt like the first time again. Even though we took it real slow, I didn't last long. But we didn't stop. We just kept kissing and caressing each other. Whispering new vows of love. From this day on, till the end of times.

We moved in unison. And made love again. Still caring, loving and very affectionate.

Home again.

I moved deep inside of her, and this time she came too. Soon followed by me.

I grew tired. Much too soon. But I wouldn't sulk about my slow revalidation. Not right now.

We were laying tangled up on the bed, a little sweaty and very satisfied.

"I missed you so much, Nessie. I missed this. Our intimacy."

"Me too. But I'm glad I gave you time to feel this way again."

"I love you, Ness, forever."

No matter what.

"I love you too Jake, forever."

_**Kane – Our Hearts Will Beat As One**_

_From this day on… I will be there for you._

_From this day on, the crosses that I'll bear, I will now bear for you._

_From this day on, my life will never part from what I see in you._

_From this day on, vows taken from the heart, I will be here for you._

_From this day on, your life won't show a sigh, of what they've done to you._

_From this day on, forgiveness springs from blame, and it's here for you._

__

For the day has come,

_When our hearts will beat as one…_

**~*~ THE END ~*~**

AN: This is it... The end of a journey for me and for you...  
I want to thank you all for reading till the end!


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